Will You Be Mother?: Women Who Choose to Say No

Rating:
Summary: Not for CF people secure in their decision!
Review: Having read many books on this subject, I found this one to be almost a "pros vs. cons" decision making aid. I feel this book may be helpful to those that aren't really sure what decsion to make and want to hear other people's stories, especially lots of details into their regrets. Anyone who has read Elinor Burkett's book, "The Baby Boon" (fantastic book! ), will probably be shocked to read this author's section on the need for more government and industry financial support ("workplace nurseries", "career breaks, flexi-hours", "statutory leave to care for sick children", "better maternity and paternity leave") for families with kids (who is this book really written for anyway! ), because the author states (don't faint, fan's of "The Baby Boon"!): "Hopefully working conditions will change with time, and women will not feel that their need to have children is so incompatible with their need to be in a paid employment. Until that day, career aspirations significantly support and feed the decision-making process about being child-free." (pg 200).

The author also lets her own biases show through on pages 193-194 when she is decribing that not all her subjects are "high-flyers" in the professional world. I believe anyone who is doing exactly what makes them happy in life is a high-flyer! She states what several of her subjects do - yet she states with a slightly judgemental undertone that one "describes herself as a housewife" - whereas all the others' occupations are stated without hesitation by the author. It made me wonder if the author had some disblief or negative opinions about married CF women that are housewives! Her book is supposed to be about choices for women!

Also - her final statement in the book is stated in the negative, rather than the positive - : "As the new identities of child-free women receive more social recognition and acceptance, perhaps in the twenty-first century we will not think that the woman who does not become a mother has something missing from her life, and that every path is nothing more than an inferior substitute for motherhood." (pg 232-233)...That's like a worker stating on his resume that he is not uneducated and stupid, instead of the much better ...that he is educated and smart.

Overall, it's great that more books are being written on this subject, and this one may help some people who are in doubt.....but I would have liked to have seen much more written in the book about the subjects with no regrets, as opposed to the majority of the author's subjects that did, or were unwilling to commit permanently (in a medical way) to their decision. If you are CF and have no regrets and are a fan of Elinor Burkett's - then don't buy this book. Thank You.

Rating:
Summary: Not for CF people secure in their decision!
Review: Having read many books on this subject, I found this one to be almost a "pros vs. cons" decision making aid. I feel this book may be helpful to those that aren't really sure what decsion to make and want to hear other people's stories, especially lots of details into their regrets. Anyone who has read Elinor Burkett's book, "The Baby Boon" (fantastic book! ), will probably be shocked to read this author's section on the need for more government and industry financial support ("workplace nurseries", "career breaks, flexi-hours", "statutory leave to care for sick children", "better maternity and paternity leave") for families with kids (who is this book really written for anyway! ), because the author states (don't faint, fan's of "The Baby Boon"!): "Hopefully working conditions will change with time, and women will not feel that their need to have children is so incompatible with their need to be in a paid employment. Until that day, career aspirations significantly support and feed the decision-making process about being child-free." (pg 200).

The author also lets her own biases show through on pages 193-194 when she is decribing that not all her subjects are "high-flyers" in the professional world. I believe anyone who is doing exactly what makes them happy in life is a high-flyer! She states what several of her subjects do - yet she states with a slightly judgemental undertone that one "describes herself as a housewife" - whereas all the others' occupations are stated without hesitation by the author. It made me wonder if the author had some disblief or negative opinions about married CF women that are housewives! Her book is supposed to be about choices for women!

Also - her final statement in the book is stated in the negative, rather than the positive - : "As the new identities of child-free women receive more social recognition and acceptance, perhaps in the twenty-first century we will not think that the woman who does not become a mother has something missing from her life, and that every path is nothing more than an inferior substitute for motherhood." (pg 232-233)...That's like a worker stating on his resume that he is not uneducated and stupid, instead of the much better ...that he is educated and smart.

Overall, it's great that more books are being written on this subject, and this one may help some people who are in doubt.....but I would have liked to have seen much more written in the book about the subjects with no regrets, as opposed to the majority of the author's subjects that did, or were unwilling to commit permanently (in a medical way) to their decision. If you are CF and have no regrets and are a fan of Elinor Burkett's - then don't buy this book. Thank You.

Rating:
Summary: An in depth and fair exploration of the child-free choice.
Review: How delightful that someone has finally had the guts to say it. MOTHERHOOD IS NOT COMPULSORY, AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T WANT KIDS. Jane Bartlett invterviews women of all ages and from all walks of life who have decided that parenting is not for them, and explores their reasons, their lives and relationships, and the pressures they face in our heavily pronatalist society. The most important message of this book is that it lets women know they have a choice and that it is a valid choice even if it's not the one most people make. Jane Bartlett points out that having a baby is a huge and lifelong committment which changes your life forever, yet many people put less thought into it than they do into buying a house or a car, because childbearing is accepted as an automatic part of being a woman. Well it doesn't have to be that way. Not every woman wants that committment or would make a good mother, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. The woman in this book are intelligent, thoughtful and have made valuable contributions to the world that don't include putting more people on an already overcrowded planet. Let there be more like them!

Rating:
Summary: An in depth and fair exploration of the child-free choice.
Review: I highly recommend this book for any woman (or couple) who feels unsure if they want to have children. I think that Ms. Bartlett offers a lot of support for the child-free lifestyle. She interviews women from all walks of life who have chosen to remain child-free. She interviews young and old, professional and working class, lesbians and married heterosexual couples. Her interviews range from women who love children and participate strongly in the lives of friend's and relative's children to women who simply don't like kids. She covers all of the reasons we are told to breed by parents, friends and society and breaks apart the myths. I particularly liked her section that deals with "who will take care of you when you are old?". The issue is a complex one and the interviews in the book unfold to reveal a sensitive and realistic viewpoint. I highly recommend this book.

Rating:
Summary: Tell it like it is
Review: This is one of five books I am reading on childfree women in order to explore viewpoints similar to my own and get a feel for how we childfree women are viewed in our society. (See also my 3-star review for "Reconceiving Women.") This is probably the best so far (without having yet read the more recently published "Baby Boon.") What is refreshing is that this is not a psychologist's dissection of women who choose to not have children (even though this author was studying psychology at the time.)

The best reason to read this book: It comes out of England and gives a perspective on non-American childfree women. It suggests, though, that the childfree experience for women may just be universally similar, at least in countries with similar social structures to our own. The quoted childfree women are much more frank and vividly descriptive and considerably more articulate than US childfree women quoted in other similar books. There's all sorts of British English verbage, such as "pram," being "broody," and the usual "colourful" British spellings that we don't get to experience everyday in reading the US-authored books. Furthermore, her discussion of the British healthcare system (of which she doesn't go into the details, but it seems to have a socialist overtone) in relation to women (and their male mates) seeking sterilization/abortion is by definition different than the US experience. Expenses (for adoption, sterilization, abortion) are printed in British pounds; and it's interesting to note that the historical periods referenced ("flower children") are remarkably similar to what was concurrently occurring in the US. The tone of the book is delightfully and frankly British.

Overall, the subject of childfree women's feelings re their decisions and the varied ways in which society (familial, medical, employment) reacts to childfree-by-choice women is covered quite thoroughly with what seems to be a wide range of women interviewed and consistently identified while quoted throughout the book. One almost gets a sense of knowing these women. The subjects of infertility (as represents the childless not by choice) and the difficulty of motherhood are only touched upon and give the book a sense of contrasting balance. Thankfully this book lacks both (1) the overtone of having to be "a Georgia O'Keefe" because one doesn't choose traditional motherhood with its attendant and inherent childbearing and childrearing as well as (2) the droning of personal diary entries of the author's own childfree struggle. (Both of these elements are annoyingly present in "Without Child" by Laurie Lisle, which, incidentally, has a Canadian stastical slant.)

This book is worth reading re childfree women. Even though I'm rather fond of the British and their upscale contributions in many areas,...