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Rating: 
Summary: I learned so much about myself
Review: This book was an eye-opener for me. The discussion about our "shadows" was so important because for the first time in my life I understood my own behavior and what kinds of things trigger shadow behavior for me. The only thing that seemed unrealistic is that of all the examples Dr. Kantor used regarding relationships with couples he had worked with, the results were almost always positive if the couple was married; rarely did the couple actually split up and I remember one of the only couples who did split up were only engaged, not married. That's great if that's how this has really worked, but I suspect he left out stories about couples who ended up deciding not to stay together.
Rating: 
Summary: Knocked my socks off!!
Review: Turn off your phone, cancel your evening and grab your bright yellow highlighter...get in a comfortable position, fire up your itty bitty book light because you cannot put this down. You have been "put down" enough, or you would not be reading this...get real. This will do it!
How glorious the truth rang. Each theory is followed with actual couple stories. I felt like I knew these people...their stories are your stories, and my stories. David Kantor passes no judgement, and eloquently and calmly reports what he has seen and heard--- really points out how important "your life story is" when relating to an intimate other. It all makes so much sense...in these times of war, it would be lovely to dissolve the 'wars' between those who claim to love one another...this shows and tells. This book is the "bones" for any further relationship books you read---it will haunt you.
My bible...
Rating:
Summary: I learned so much about myself
Review: Turn off your phone, cancel your evening and grab your bright yellow highlighter...get in a comfortable position, fire up your itty bitty book light because you cannot put this down. You have been "put down" enough, or you would not be reading this...get real. This will do it!
How glorious the truth rang. Each theory is followed with actual couple stories. I felt like I knew these people...their stories are your stories, and my stories. David Kantor passes no judgement, and eloquently and calmly reports what he has seen and heard--- really points out how important "your life story is" when relating to an intimate other. It all makes so much sense...in these times of war, it would be lovely to dissolve the 'wars' between those who claim to love one another...this shows and tells. This book is the "bones" for any further relationship books you read---it will haunt you.
My bible...
Rating:
Summary: Finally, a decent work on relationships.
Review: You know as well as I do, that every author in this field has the magic "phrase", "touch", or "plan", even to the point of describing men and women as coming from different planets. And in these works, a lot of blame is foisted on environment, upbringing, etc. What is refreshing about Kantor's explanation and experiences, is that the truth seems nothing more than what YOU feel and what YOU expect to feel about YOUR life and the relations YOU make within it. Face it, you've been betrayed as a child, you have expectations on how to recover from that betrayal, and you want your partner to represent that Hero who will rescue you from that situation so it never happens again. Unlike other works, he doesn't dwell on the mysticism of it all. He gives his diagnoses in frank, straightforward prose. I appreciated this approach. I really liked Kantors questions on how to start to reveal your betrayals and your expectations to yourself. To get you thinking about your distant past, your relationship with your parents, he has you remember not only what your parents did or said to you, but how you remember them smelling. Wow, this is powerful stuff. Having written that, I believe you have to be in the right frame of mind to get anything out of this book. I mean, a closed mind is closed and reading this work won't open it. For those suspecting that they can do better with their partners or even the people around them, and needing a new path to explore, dive in to this pool. The water is fine.
Rating:
Summary: Finally, a decent work on relationships.
Review: You know as well as I do, that every author in this field has the magic "phrase", "touch", or "plan", even to the point of describing men and women as coming from different planets. And in these works, a lot of blame is foisted on environment, upbringing, etc. What is refreshing about Kantor's explanation and experiences, is that the truth seems nothing more than what YOU feel and what YOU expect to feel about YOUR life and the relations YOU make within it. Face it, you've been betrayed as a child, you have expectations on how to recover from that betrayal, and you want your partner to represent that Hero who will rescue you from that situation so it never happens again. Unlike other works, he doesn't dwell on the mysticism of it all. He gives his diagnoses in frank, straightforward prose. I appreciated this approach. I really liked Kantors questions on how to start to reveal your betrayals and your expectations to yourself. To get you thinking about your distant past, your relationship with your parents, he has you remember not only what your parents did or said to you, but how you remember them smelling. Wow, this is powerful stuff. Having written that, I believe you have to be in the right frame of mind to get anything out of this book. I mean, a closed mind is closed and reading this work won't open it. For those suspecting that they can do better with their partners or even the people around them, and needing a new path to explore, dive in to this pool. The water is fine.
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