You're Not That into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

Rating:
Summary: Them Thar's Fightin' Words ! ...hee hee
Review:
What's love got to do with it?

It might be Valentine's Day, but I hear a nasty squabble is brewing between the publishers of two rival sex-and-romance handbooks.

Simon & Schuster and Greg Behrendt, co-author of last fall's huge best seller, "He's Just Not That Into You" - advising spurned women to let go and move on - are taking aim at publisher Judith Regan and sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of the brand-new "Be Honest - You're Not That Into Him Either."

Lawyers for Behrendt and co-author Liz Tuccillo - former colleagues on HBO's "Sex and the City" - have sent ReganBooks a stern letter about Kerner's similar title.

"I have heard that they are very unhappy with my book," Kerner told me. "They think I'm trying to confuse people. But I'm not trying to capitalize on their book. I disagree with the message of their book, even though I think it's funny and clever, and my book is meant as a clear response to their book."

Kerner added: "Their book is, frankly, disempowering to women. My book tries to empower women."

The sharp-tongued Regan, predictably, was not so diplomatic.

"I get saber-rattling letters and threats and subpoenas on a weekly basis from various sundry lunatics," Regan told me. "No self-respecting woman would be caught dead reading Greg Behrendt's book. It's misogynistic, infantile, adolescent and written by two people who really know nothing about anything."

Regan went on: "It's so insulting to women - especially women in New York, where women are treated so badly by men in a hooking-up culture where they are used and abused. Both Ian and I found 'He's Just Not That Into You' incredibly stupid and offensive, and we wanted to say something smart about relationships."

Behrendt - who with Tuccillo received more than $1 million to adapt their book for Hollywood - didn't respond to messages seeking comment, and Simon & Schuster was equally mum.

- Lyoyd Grove NY Daily News

Rating:
Summary: Very good - very funny.
Review: First off I need to admit two things: 1) I am listening to the audiobook which is abridged and 2) I am only halfway through but I really wanted to put something on here when I saw that there were no reviews. I haven't dated much and I haven't read "He's Just Not That Into You" but was looking to get more into the dating scene and thought this book sounded fun. It is incredibly funny and I think very balanced. Although he does make some claims about gender differences they are all based on sexual differences rather than mental or language differences (as claimed by some). Since I am not a fan of books that stereotype either women or men I am happy that he is very careful not to do that. Plus, as I said before, it is SO funny. I laughed out loud several times while listening to it in my car. And it is very empowering I think. All in all, I recommend it highly! If I finish it and change my opinion I will come back and change my review!

Rating:
Summary: At least it's feminist
Review: He's Just Not That Into You set feminism back a good 30 years, and i guess it speaks to the 50s housewife in all of us. Who doesn't want to be married? Me for one. Not that I'm ruling it out, but not at the cost of totally demeaning myself either at all costs. While this new book isn't exactly brilliant, it's an important response to the first one because it evens things out a little and tries to put the power back in the hands of women. What really bothers me though is that all these book for women are being written by men. Do we really need men to tell us how to date and fall in love? I don't think so, but if we are going to take our advice from a man, I prefer to take it from a feminist. Also, there's a great chapter by Amy Sohn, and the author's wife seems very strong and funny too.

Rating:
Summary: Totally inspiring and funny, and so true!
Review: I took a glance at this book in Borders and couldn't help reading it through the last page. I wish someone had handed me this book years ago so that I wouldn't have suffered so much through my 20's! Now I'm happily married with my husband whom I met 4 years ago. I had my share of failed relationships, I can see from Ian's book that, all the excuses, painful lessons and the value of being strong and knowing yourself, are so true! Now this is not to say that women can't be happy outside of marriage, but this is what my heart desires and Ian is showing you a way to lead to happiness, not only marriage. Whatever a woman desires in her heart, I have to honestly agree with the author that, she should know herself, learned to be a better friend, better lover and a better person, and decide if SHE is really into him, rather than only worrying about his affections towards herself. One thing is for sure: Ian really knows women, inside and out! I recommend this book to all my female friends!

Rating:
Summary: Perfect for the Valentines Day Blues
Review: Maybe he's just not that into me, but right now that's painfully obvious and that's not going to help me get through Valentines Day. I was so lonely and sad and my friend gave me this book and it totally gave me hope. Who cares whether he's into me or not, it's better to be alone. Ian has a quote in the book that it's better to be single and miserable than married and miserable, and that totally makes me feel better. The book is really funny, a good pick me up for any woman who has the single-girl Valentines day blues!

Rating:
Summary: Made me think and Laugh
Review: Now I'll go eat some chocolate. The book was really scruptious, and makes you feel like it's okay to call him. I'm not sure what to say about the title and cashing in, but the book really has a lot to say, especially about the contradictions of casual sex, and how men are good at it and women are not. It also had some really clear signs to tell if a guy is into you or just into the sex. It was also very funny and smart, and I think any single woman would get a lot out of the book. I didn't even read the first book, so this one totally works on its own.

Rating:
Summary: Even Better than He's not that Into You
Review: The book He's not that Into You is a book to help you "get over" the man who destroy your life and your self esteem. However, it does give women a passive attitude towards dating and finding the right person. Like I mentioned in my previous review, we women only take the belief of "He's not that Into You" when you decide his ambivalent behavior is ruining your life. Unlike He's not that Into You, the "Be honest - You're not that Into Him Either" gives women the opportunity to explore and learn more about her, surfacing the bottom line and the honest truth about life - Life is full of choices. I give more credits towards this book because it is written from a male sex therapist. I admire the author's deep knowledge about women (when I was reading the book, I wonder how was that even possible a male sex therapist would know so much about the honest truth) and had fun reading this book.

I like the way the author surface the truth of why most women cannot have sex/physical intimacy like a man and why it is better for a person to wait if she wants to have a steady, loving relationship. Sex/Physical intimacy is a topic every man and woman wants to know the most but it is a topic our society talks very little (I mean in a psychological point of view). Most women do not want to wake up in the morning feeling they were promiscuous. Or, women, from a biological perspective, become more emotional bonded with the man when sex/physical intimacy is involved.

I like how the author surfaces another side of the fence about how women get into a self-defeating position in dating. You're not that into him either if:
1. You believe there is no good man left
NOTE: This is our self-defeating excuse to stay in the same position so we can be "lazy" of not finding the love we deserve
2. You need someone to be into you to serve your ego and to cope your loneliness
NOTE: Ladies, please let go of your ego because your ego does not bring you happiness
3. You lost faith in finding love
NOTE: You were hurt a couple times and you are convinced that love is not there
4. Your biological clock is clicking and you want to be with someone (regardless whether he is compatible with you or not)

Women in general want happy marriage and kids. However, sometimes their eyes are caught up with conforming to the society (the little picture frame of a "happy family", the wedding, the diamond engagement ring, coupling, "to be with someone") and lost sight around the most important message about life - which is creating a life for self and others that is content, happy and peaceful. It is so true that women are better off being single than rushing into the idea of marriage just to show off to others how wonderful her life is (because divorce happen so often in life nowadays). Are you falling in love with the idea of marriage, play girl, coupling because it is "cool" according to the society? Or are you falling in love for the man you are very into? Or are you falling in love with a man because you believe he will change for you because of love?

Who cares whether you are married or not? Who cares whether you have an "ideal" family where there must be a husband and children? What if you can create an external picture of a family to everyone else (meaning nice house, nice cars, "perfect" husband and "perfect" children) while you feel hollow, shallow, empty, broken and lost inside? Isn't it just like human beings living on Earth but pretending that they are living in the moon every day we wake up in the morning? Ladies, snap out from that illusion of the "happily ever after" fairy tale picture because life is full of ups and downs and at the end, you can only be content and at peace within yourself when you let go of that unrealistic, one dimensional fairy tale happily ever after dream. The fairy tale is just an escape of the reality because of that sense of emptiness we all have. Why do we women let the word marriage and coupling control our life is my question? Is it because of our parents? Is it because of the society? Is it because of the magazines/media that promotes coupling and marriages (imagine how much you are supposed to spend in a wedding?) What is the point to create that picture when it becomes unrealistic, at the end we human beings become empty inside?


Rating:
Summary: Sex and the Single Girl
Review: This book put into words exactly what I've been thinking and feeling, and really made me feel good about my decisions to be alone and single. It's better to single and proud then settle on some loser, or get hung up on some guy who just isn't into you. Part of what will make some women angry is that the book doesn't offer any easy answers, or release you of responsibility for your own actions. If I choose to sleep with a guy on the first date and just do it for the fun of the sex, then it's up to me to remember that when I start wondering why he isn't calling. We're our own worst enemy, and Ian helps us make friends with ourselves. And the chapter by his wife is too cute!

Rating:
Summary: An Unoriginal Effort
Review: Wow, this guy wrote a book that 'takes up where' another book 'left off?' Hopefully others have noticed the blatant attempt to cash in on another books success. I am baffled since he didn't write the first book to begin with.

I have read this book and will just say it did nothing for me. I am confused that so many guys have been writing books about the female perspective, am I missing something here. Anyway I am sure we can all look forward to new books from this author such as, Larry Rotter & The Full-Blood Princess, Wink - The Art of Thinking While Thinking or perhaps, American Men Overeat: The Secret of Eating For Gluttony. Anyway you cut it I am appalled.

As I suggested before if you would like a different perspective that is honest and fresh try Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating. This actually challenges the reader to think for themselves.




Rating:
Summary: waste of time
Review: you don't need a book to tell you that you're not that into him.