Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

Rating:
Summary: Only book that addressed MY situation
Review: Every other book on parent loss seems to be about women who have lost their parents well into their adult years. This was the only book that addressed every situation, from losing a mother around infancy and the toddler years to women who lost their mothers when they themselves were mothers.

Reading the first few pages in Barnes and Nobles I found myself tearing up, something that no other book was able to do to me. This book validated all of the emotions I was feeling, and with the author's perspective and research I could actually believe what was being said. This book had more insight than all of the therapists that I've had. Maybe that says something for my therapists, but I think it says something about the author and her work. This book has helped me realise behaviour that I was exhibiting, and although it let me realise it was normal, I developed ways to work through. It also explained some previously inexplicable emotions, such as the fact that before my mother's death I wanted to have a son, and now I'm so determined to have a daughter that I would like to adopt to ensure it. Very interesting ideas put forth in this book, and for myself and another friend that has lost a mother, most ring true. A must for any woman, at any age, that is motherless.

Rating:
Summary: Find yourself in this book: An affirmation of your loss
Review: I don't know if Hope Edleman could ever really fathom the good she has done through writing this book, and how she has brought such beautiful purpose and meaning to her profound loss. What an amazing tribute to her mom. ---------- I was 11 years old when my mother, Linda, died suddenly from a brain aneurism. She was only 45 years old. Not a day in my life has passed that I don't miss her immensely. At the age of 18, a week before my high school graduation, I found myself grieving for my mom more than ever. I was watching morning tv as I was preparing for school and saw Ms. Edleman discussing this book and I knew that I was meant to read it.

I can hardly put into words just how powerful Motherless Daughters has been in my own efforts to cope with life after losing the most important woman in it. Motherless Daughters is the closest written expression you will find of understanding the depth and breadth of the loss of a mother. I was amazed to read about the experiences of others with similar and even unsimilar circumstances and discover how much I shared with them in their feelings of loss. Feelings you may not have even experienced consciously are brought to light and put into words when you never knew it could be. You will find yourself in this book time and time again.

Motherless Daughters has an extraordinary way of affirming the reader and bringing comfort to the child that continues to grieve within, no matter how many years you have lived without her. The daughter learns that contrary to societal's response to the death of her mom, that it is so natural for her to continue grieving for her. This realization meant so much to me as I still deal with the impact of my mom's death. I am 23 and 12 years have passed since, yet I still often find the emptiness of losing her overwhelming.

My book is now tattered and worn from all the marking of pages and underlining and loaning out to people I knew could benefit from reading it. So many of my friends that have lost their moms have bought their own. Just reading it was not enough. I completely understand. I have read and reread my own copy several times and each time, it has new meaning to me.

I don't necessarily recommend giving this book to someone who has just recently lost their mom, however. Its purpose really serves best after some time has passed. Not to mention, I think to give this book to a daughter some months or even years after the loss helps her to remember that you empathize with the loss she still feels though it may go unspoken, and most importantly, you have not forgotten her mother's life. That's the best gift of all.

Rating:
Summary: soothing
Review: I lost my mother to cancer when I was twelve. A year or so later, amidst a fit of tears, I came upon a copy of this book in my father's room. He had meant to give it to me when I was older, but even as a young teen, I understood everything that Edelman writes about and could relate as well. I call it the "Handbook" because, besides being wonderfully emotional and personal in anecdotes and quotations, Edelman provides many scenarios (e.g., what happens if one if the youngest child, what happens if the father has a hard time, etc, etc). There is bound to be something that ANY motherless daughter will find meaningful. I know that I was able to finally come to the realization that I was not alone in my situation. She does a fine job in presenting the motherless daughter as NOT a victim, but rather as a survivor who can leave some special mark on the world. There are examples of well-known motherless daughters (Madonna, Patricia Heaton, Meg Ryan, and others). We are finally not alone as motherless daughters!
The book is broken down into coherent sections narrating what happens right after the loss through years later when the motherless daughter is a mother herself and still feels the pain (which is, thankfully, "normal!"). There's a helpful index if one wants to locate specific information too-- I used this book as a reference when preparing a presentation on the topic for a class. I keep this book beside my bed, not because I'm so overcome with grief, but just as a "security book"-- reading it when I need some sort of affirmation that what I'm feeling is "okay." I have re-read it many times in the past 7 years. Amazing and beautifully written.

Rating:
Summary: Has some problems.
Review: I read this book 20 years after my mother died. At last here was a book that explained some of my feelings and actions over the past 20 years. It is very easy to read and easy to just read a small part at a time.

Rating:
Summary: Has some problems.
Review: I read this book several years ago, and while I appreciated that the author had addressed the issue of the loss of mothers, I had some significant issues with the book. First, I thought she incorrectly conflated losing one's mother to death with losing one's mother to other reasons (death, illness, estrangement, etc.). I cannot be convinced that any of those other reasons could compare to having your mother die. Further, if memory serves, the author did not seem to make much distinction between losing one's mother as a child and losing one's mother as an adult. As a woman whose mother died days after my sixth birthday, I found it insulting to suggest that it is just as hard to lose your mother at, say, 30. While I know losing a parent as an adult is an extremely difficult transition (my dad died when I was 31), it is perposterous to claim it has anything like the effect of losing a parent at a young age. I was most annoyed that the author's claim that the death of a mother is harder on girls than boys. My brother was 9 when our mother died, & I know that her death was as difficult for him as it was for me. Finally, I thought there were way too many anecdotes from the author's own experience. It seemed more of an exercise in her own grief than a nuanced analysis of bereavement. That in itself would be valuable, but it should have been labled as a memoir rather than anything else.

Rating:
Summary: A Gift from Hope to all motherless women
Review: Kudos to Hope, indeed. Here's one woman who has fulfilled the meaning of her name by giving all us motherless women a voice and a hope for our own well-being.
I have been through a joyful and tearful journey in her book. O, the joy of hearing that all these other women out there have felt and experienced my pain. O, the tears that flowed when I read about myself, my sister and my father.
Every word, every sentence in this book has meaning for me. Finally, after 19 years without my mother (I was 10 when she died of a brain hemorrage), I am able to name the elements of my personality that I have struggled with. And by naming them, I can overcome them. This book has inspired me to find out more about my mother, to find out more about myself. And if self-knowledge isn't a gift, then I don't know what is...
I also do not agree with other reviewers who say that this book makes the motherless daughter a victim; instead, it gives us all power to deal with ourselves and to become stronger, more knowledgeable women.
Read it when you are ready and it will surely enrich your life.

Rating:
Summary: A sad sorority bands together
Review: My mother got sick on Tuesday and she was dead the following Wednesday. I went into a tailspin of grief and lonliness, it may take me a lifetime to recover from.
The title of Hope Edleman's book "Motherless Daughters" just spoke to me. I am still my mother's daughter, even though my mother isn't here with me any more to call me and nag me and hug me when I am feeling lost. It's also such a comfort to know that there are lots of other women going through the same painful experiences. This book made me feel more connected to other women and to the world. I once had a long conversation with a woman as part of my job and we discovered we had both lost our moms and had both read the book. "What a sad, strong little sorority we are," she remarked.
You won't miss your mom less, but you will fee less lost and alone, especially if other members of your family don't want to talk yet.
I also recommend the Web site an the workbook that accompany this book.

Rating:
Summary: FANTASTIC - Sensitive - Immensely Helpful!!!
Review: This book helped me in ways I cannot explain. I felt very ALONE and lost -- it showed me that all those feelings were normal, expected, and best of all, temporary. Don't let other people, your employer, society in general make you feel less than whole because you're "not over it yet" -- it is a long process -- it takes more than 3 days, a week, a month, 6 months, a year -- and that is perfectly ok. This book is a true GIFT for a grieving daughter.