Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights from One Woman's Journey as the Wife of a Widower

Rating:
Summary: Must Have for New Brides of Widowers
Review: After searching many bookstores as well as the internet, I finally found the only book out there that deals with the many facets of marrying a man who has been widowed. This book is well written, objective, and sincere. It offers excellent advise for the many issues that will come up when entering a relationship under these conditions.

Not only was the book fabulous, but the author was actually available and answered my email when I wrote to ask her a question! I highly recommend it to anyone in or anticipating a relationship with a widower.

Rating:
Summary: Thank You Julie! It's good to know I'm not alone!
Review: I am a young woman dating a wonderful man... who happens to be widowed... and have two beautiful children from the relationship. Because of my age and circle of friends, I don't know any WOWs (women/wives of widowers). This book was very helpful to me. When people were saying, "why isn't he over it" and "it's not been enough time" it made me angry. I didn't know that my feelings were very par for the course. For all of you dating widowers, it is a challenge and a there will be many obstacles in your path. But if you are willing to work through them, BE PATIENT, and most definitely read this book-your difficulties will be well worth the wait. I hope that I am as lucky to marry this man as Julie was to marry her husband. Thank you Julie.

Rating:
Summary: GREAT resource for therapists, too!
Review: I had the pleasure of being one of the first people to read this book. I am a marriage and family therapist, and several of my clients are wives of widowers. I have passed it along to them, and have heard nothing but rave reviews. Ms. Andersen writes with such compassion not only for WOWs themselves, but also for all of the people in a WOW's life. This book is concrete validation of very normal emotions faced by second wives, written by one who has experienced it all and come through it with flying colors. The author's advice is right on the money. Not many women would be strong enough to share their husbands' hearts with other women the way WOWs must, but Julie Donner Andersen has found the keys...and shares them generously and empathetically with her readers in a simple, easy-to-read style that will most certainly touch lives and mend broken hearts.

Rating:
Summary: Don't buy this one, buy the OTHER one!
Review: I ordered both editions of this book, and found the OTHER book, published by Writers Club Press in March 2003, to be far superior. This edition had glaring spelling, grammatical, and spacial errors. I'm sure this must be the fault of the publisher/editor, Weyant Press, and not the author. Perhaps this is why Mrs. Andersen's lovely book has been reprinted with a more reputable publisher.

The Writers Club Press book might be more expensive, but that's because it has 5 new chapters that this one lacked. I am giving this AUTHOR - not this book's edition - 5 stars for her superbly written and compassionate look at wives of widowers.

Do yourself a favor and spend the extra few dollars to purchase the newly revised edition.

Rating:
Summary: If only I'd read this earlier
Review: In my naivete, I assumed that a man who'd known love before and lost it would be eager to find it again. I had no idea how wrong I'd been until I read Julie's book. Had I read this book before or at least during my year-long relationship, I probably would have been able to salvage it. I lost a great man because I didn't understand the complexities of his emotional life. Julie gets to the heart of the matter and puts things into a perspective than unless you've experienced it as a widow, you can't possibly understand it when dealing with a widower. Each relationship -- single, divorced or widowed -- has its own unique dynamic. But most of us understand the single or the divorced. Sadly, little is written about the widowed and the emotional dynamic there is inconceivable. This is the primer that all women should read if they even think they might date a widower. As we all know, men enter relationships differently from women, BUT widowers are a different breed altogether. This book puts it all in a perspective that makes you say, "NOW I GET IT!" when you can't imagine that you could be so blind!

Rating:
Summary: Wives of Widowers (WOWs) Sure to Find Comfort in New Book!
Review: Losing a spouse is never easy, and being labeled a widower brings with it its own unique set of obstacles and challenges. Fortunately, bookstore shelves are littered with books on how to cope with grief and come to grips with life-as a widower. But what about for the woman who marries a widower!?

In her new book, Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower (Weyant Press, 2002), author Julie Donner Andersen has, perhaps for the very first time, penned a revolutionary new self-help book that offers readers a personal glimpse into the life of a "WOW," or Wife Of a Widower.

"Our WOW angst about the late wife, and issues that arise because of her, make us seemingly petty and unrealistic to the outside world, but nothing could be further from the truth. We care deeply about the feelings of her survivors, and often about the late wife herself," says author Julie Donner Andersen on the plight-and common stereotype-of WOWs.

Indeed, PPPT is so chock full of information, it seems that Andersen has left nothing out. Chapter titles include What to Expect, Living with the Past, Holidays and other 'Grief Triggers,' Embracing the Late Wife, His Kids: Becoming a WOW Stepmother, Comparing the Second wife and the WOW, and Beating the Odds.

The chapters are written in an unassuming and honest tone, and while Andersen certainly shares the details of her own struggles-and triumphs-as a WOW, she is careful to provide just as many personal stories from contributors and interviewees as well. The docu-drama style works well with this material, providing many various sides of the same basic coin.

The ultimate insider, Andersen writes with both compassion and grace. Never afraid to touch the sensitive issues, she slowly but surely pulls the veil that has formerly covered the "taboo" subject of WOWs, and in so doing shares with us not only her story, but perhaps our own as well. A wonderful resource for not just WOWs but anyone experiencing the ups and downs of a blended family, or even coping with grief.

Rating:
Summary: What a pleasant surprise!
Review: This book is essential reading - not just for wives or partners of widowers, but also for anyone who is closely associated with someone who has lost a dear relative or friend.

There are many books that are aimed specifically at the bereaved, but few that address the emotional challenges faced by those living with a bereaved person. Most of these books preach without offering any real empathy to the true feelings, thoughts, guilt, hurt and insecurities experienced by the new wife of a widower. Julie Donner Andersen addresses all of these issues in a way that could not possibly be achieved by someone who had not experienced the situation herself.

Mrs Andersen, herself the wife of a widower (WOW), writes from the heart, with incredible insight, sensitivity, openness, humour and an extraordinary understanding of the feelings of a widower. She demonstrates how the WOW can relate empathetically to her partner's grief, whilst maintaining her decorum and feelings of self-worth.

Mrs Andersen offers invaluable advice on how to handle the various stages that may arise during the grieving process and the range of emotions that a new wife may feel about taking second place to the deceased wife.

She writes a particularly moving and powerful chapter entitled, "Embracing The Late Wife", which demonstrates the importance of acknowledging the existence of the deceased wife and accepting that she will always be a part of the widower's life. As Julie says, "She didn't do anything wrong.........she just died".

This compelling book also includes quotes from other WOWs, who back up Ms Andersen's views on the emotional rollercoaster journey into a new life with a widower.

The book, which has received endorsement from readers around the world, empowers the WOW, but the range of emotions expressed and the advice offered is equally as relevant to those who are living with someone who has lost any close relative, whether it is a wife, a husband, a child or a parent.

An absolutely excellent read. Should be a bestseller!