The Erotic Silence of the American Wife

Rating:
Summary: A vital alternate view
Review: Heyn's recitation of the straitjacket that contemporary marriage places women into is masterful. As the sex that is "not allowed" to have sexual drives, women suffer disproportionately from our marital mythology. Evolutionary biology is proving that women have urges for "extra-pair copulations" just as strong as any man's, though for different reasons. Heyn helps explode the comfortable mythology that undergirds the demand (mainly by men, but also by insecure women who have "gotten theirs") for sexual exclusivity in marriage.

Her only shortcoming is in not going the next step - helping women to see the wisdom of working with their partners to remove the shame and guilt associated with "cheating" and achieve an honest, open peer marriage in which expressing sexuality and romantic love is seen as the natural right of both partners - both with each other and with others outside the pair-bond. The two are NOT mutally exclusive.

I feel sorry for the bitter women and men who reviewed this book negatively - I know it frightens them badly. Women seizing control of their sexuality and their personhood is frightening to insecure men and women alike.

I only wish they could be more objective and hear the truth being told in these women's stories. Forced by a rigid structure to transgress in order to feel alive, whole, and valued, these women are exposing the fallacies of our medieval institution of lifelong, sexually exclusive marriage. How much better for us all if we could mutually, carefully, but determinedly tear down the barriers and walls that imprison both men and women!

Rating:
Summary: A dog is a man's best friend...
Review: I believe the book accurately articulates how women today feel about men. Therefore I give it three stars. Well, I suppose not much is left to say except that men need to get a life, get out of women?s way and learn to brave into life on their own. They will see that it is not so bad to live through life being single. Single men can hang out with buddies all their want, they can keep all their money, nobody can take away their houses, and most importantly nobody secretly or not so secretly will resent them. Yes, being alone has its painful downside, but given the alternative of the pervasive and omnipresent feminine animosity and resentment, I believe in the long run it is healthier for a man, and certainly more dignified, to be alone.

Rating:
Summary: Interesting Read
Review: I came across this book by accident in the public library. As a man, I was curious to find something that could explain why women cheat. This book did not answer this question in the direct manner I was expecting instead it provided a variety of answers. This left me more confused than when I began the book. From the notes I took on the prose I came to the following understanding based on the authors work: (a) A woman loses her identity in marriage and it's important to maintain that link to the vibrant sexual being she was before. Suggestions here included having your wife maintain old love letters, openly discussing all her past lovers, acknowledge her attraction to other men, etc... (b) Women have unreal expectations of marriage then feel bad when it doesn't live up to their fantasy (c) Women get caught up in becoming the
"perfect wife" which puts them at odds with their true selves and sexuality (d) As women wrestle with the "perfect wife" syndrome and their true self they become obsessive about "fixing the relationship" when what really needs fixing is them.

So, I guess as a man within in the first few months of marriage I am to embrace my mates previous lovers in all the sordid details, ensure she doesn't get caught up in the perfect wife syndrome, and cross my fingers she doesn't want to "fix the relationship" because that the kiss of death.

The individual women's stories were mildly erotic and great reading. My personal favorite was the senior citzen who worked as a secretary for a young business executive. She felt the need to provide oral favors for the boss regulary to supplement the disastisfaction she was experiencing in her marriage. No wonder she came home from work with a smile on her face daily. I just hope hubby uses mouth wash frequently and limits the kissing. With women like this, who needs marriage!

Rating:
Summary: I loved this book
Review: It's about time someone wrote a book that dealt with the obsession society has with punishing married women for displaying any sexual proclivities at all. The Donna Reed Syndrome is still alive and (un)well in America. It's no coincidence that adulterous women in literature are usually dead by the end of the book, but the men [who they are] with are not. Women are set to a much higher standard and punished more severely for any sort of sexual transgression. Anyone who is interested in an honest look at women's sexuality should read this book.

Rating:
Summary: the erotic silence of the american wife
Review: This book was life changing and challenging. It changed the way I live my life and the way I look at relationships. I am not pro-affairs but I can understand how men and women go outside of their marriages to find themselves. The analysis Heyn gives of our culture and what it means to be a wife and woman was mind blowing. Relationships can be more fullfilling and growth oriented if we start to value ourselves as much as our husbands and children- which is what the women did here through the act of infidelity which was a last resort to finding themselves.

Rating:
Summary: I hated this book
Review: This is the best book, even better than her second title, Marriage Shock. There has never been such a courageous attempt to give women's sexuality a voice, exactly the way it is in reality. She backs up her conclusions with powerful scientific data, as scarce as it is concerning the truth about women's sexual silence. This is better than Nancy Friday's books about women's sexual fantasies because it focuses rather on the internal shut-down that nearly every woman meets after she gets married. Someone needs to address why 65% of marriages are ending in divorce, most of them ended by women. No one else is addressing it like Dalma Heyn is doing. Every woman needs to read it, whether single or married. It will bring back the empowerment, creativity, and vitality that most women lose spending their lives doing good but feeling bad. Women's depression statistics are skyrocketing. I'm ordering 10 copies today as X-mas gifts for all my women friends.

Rating:
Summary: Better than all the feminist literature combined!
Review: This is the best book, even better than her second title, Marriage Shock. There has never been such a courageous attempt to give women's sexuality a voice, exactly the way it is in reality. She backs up her conclusions with powerful scientific data, as scarce as it is concerning the truth about women's sexual silence. This is better than Nancy Friday's books about women's sexual fantasies because it focuses rather on the internal shut-down that nearly every woman meets after she gets married. Someone needs to address why 65% of marriages are ending in divorce, most of them ended by women. No one else is addressing it like Dalma Heyn is doing. Every woman needs to read it, whether single or married. It will bring back the empowerment, creativity, and vitality that most women lose spending their lives doing good but feeling bad. Women's depression statistics are skyrocketing. I'm ordering 10 copies today as X-mas gifts for all my women friends.