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Rating: 
Summary: This author has an ax to grind!
Review: I looked forward to reading this book, which indicated that it didn't carry the judgmental tone so prevalent in other books about marital infidelity. (Inside cover: "At long last, we have a book about affairs that is not about blame.")Whew! Was I, and the writer of the inside-the-front-cover notes, mistaken! If you are a "wronged" man or woman, or someone who has ended an affair and wants to feel good about the decision to end it, you'll love this book. It is a treatise on how those who enter affairs are immature, self-centered people interested in a quick fix and a quick orgasm. Blame? No. . . . but shame, mud slinging and name calling, you bet! There are some very interesting factoids in "Dr. Hein's" book, and I can't help but wonder which hat she pulled these tidbits from. For example, did you know the average affair lasts 2 years? I didn't either----but "Dr. Hein" doesn't provide a source. Did you know that 25% of divorces and affairs occur after 15 years of marriage? Me neither---what's your source, "Dr. Hein?" Sorry, I can't just buy the "trust me" school of thought that spawns this type of unsubstantiated but apparently factual writing. Interestingly, "Dr. Holly Hein" cites no sources in her book though she has a scant and unbelievably weak bibliography at the book's end. (Please---articles from Good Housekeeping and several from the now-defunct Mirabella??) Are we to believe that "Dr. Hein" is a credible source just because she went to school a few years more than most people? I'm disappointed in St. Martin's Press's decision to publish this book. Despite the claim that "Dr. Hein" has served as a "guest relationship expert" on television and radio programs, I just can't believe how much judgmental, shaming dialogue she dishes out in this book. Frankly, sounds like "Dr. Hein" was the victim of more than one affair, and she has a few choice words for those who dare enter this horrid realm of humanity. Skip this one unless you need a support group made up of another wronged woman--Dr. Hein.
Rating:
Summary: Detour??
Review: I read this book because I'm interested in male/female sexuality and figured there are all types of "sexual detours" in the world; so many possibilities given so many preferences across heterosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals, transgendered individuals and so on. This book, though, is about heterosexual sexual relationships, and the only "detour" discussed is the "deviation" away from marriage or committed heterosexual love. And, to get even more specific, the only deviation discussed is the affair between a married man and woman (single or married) or a married woman and man (single or married). So, I was disappointed. I don't see affairs as all that nasty or undesirable. I don't even see them as "deviant" (which is a synonym for "detour"). So, the assumption that committed heterosexual love is good and anyone who messes with it is bad didn't wear well for me. This book isn't for one who wants to know about any "sexual detour" other than the hetero affair. Yawn.
Rating:
Summary: Not a good book to learn more about ALL sides of affairs
Review: This book gives some interesting ideas about affairs, why people have affairs, and how all the parties involved feel during/after the affair. However, this book is quite moralistic and I guess I just don't appreciate (now that I'm over the age of 18) being given an author's values and then reading how the author's values should indeed be my own. It's irrelevant whether or not I agree with the author; as a matter of fact, I read this book in part to learn more about affairs and not to judge them. I still don't have an opinion about right and wrong, but cringe and think less of a book if the author takes it upon herself not only to treat the subject matter but to try to persuade readers of her point of view. In this book, the author preaches that the only real and valuable committed relationship is marriage or love with one monogamous partner. The author does have a very clear bias toward marriage, and doesn't really talk much about the choices made by those who enter affairs. I'd have liked it very much if the author was as objective with women and men in affairs as she was with married individuals. I've read other books that are much more objective in giving affairs a fair shake without siding too much with married partners or affair partners or anyone else. So, if you've read other books on affairs or even if you haven't, and if you want a book that gives an objective overview, maybe even some data, regarding affairs, I'd recommend against getting this book. It does have its place, primarily with those who want to validate their own views about the sanctity of marital monogamy.
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