Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy

Rating:
Summary: I've Found Real Hope After 14 Years
Review: 14 years after my husband's first diagnosis of prostate cancer I learned several facts in this book, but, most important, for the first time it has made me begin to believe that things CAN be different for us if we both choose to work at it.

Diagnosis. Treatment he chose and I said I'd support was radiation and we *thought* we'd been told about all the possible longterm effects. NOT SO! Six years later I saw a vital, athletic, physical man feeling totally becoming afraid of, tense about, uninterested in our previously-fabulous sex life. Finally, this week when I read this book, we learned that some impotence develops much later from radiation than from surgery, but it *will* develop!

Then depression. Deep. Sullen. Withdrawal from interests and from me. Our physician prescribed medication and counseling. The counselor saw him *once* and said, "Go home and don't be so passive!" Flat, flat affect. No joy. But he kept *trying*, bless him!

Then four years ago recurrence! It took my husband
over 6 months to choose a treatment and he only did so then because our doctor and I insisted on it! Surgery. At our city's outstanding cancer center. SUCCESS. His PSA is undetectable.
He does have some mild incontinece.

The surgery team introduced us to Muse. It worked 90% for us and the team was very excited for us. We used it once. Once in 3 1/2 years! From then on my husband has just refused to act on sex, talk about sex.

I've tried everything. I've begged my husband to return to the team and ask them for direction. He couldn't bring himself to do that. We grew farther and farther apart. My heart was breaking. I felt unattractive and sad and rejected.

Last week I read this book. I finished it in two sittings. And I was deeply touched and am now full of hope and new courage. When I handed it to my husband I only said that it was the most important thing that has happened to us in 14 years. I said it has touched me deeply and asked him to read it this week so we can discuss it next weekend. He promised he will read it tonight.....but, interestingly, he has gone to bed early not feeling well. Whether it's another "avoiding" or a real headache I won't know but a few days. But I really believe that when he does read it he will see he's not alone. He'll see we are not alone.

Right now I'm going to order several copies. I'll give one to each of our adult children so they'll know where we've been in our marriage. One will go to our surgery team to share with patients. Another will go to our family doctor so she can read it and have more personal knowledge of what prostate couples go through.

This is one of the five most important books in my life.

Rating:
Summary: Brilliant
Review: Fascinating, page turning read. Hats off to Virginia and Keith for sharing their very private story. I am going to encourage my friends to read it as it is not only a story of overcoming impotence but more importantly a love story of two people who found the courage to persevere and communicate through their problems.

Rating:
Summary: I've Found Real Hope After 14 Years
Review: For Virginia the decision seemed easy, Keith's fear of becoming impotent from the prostatectomy was irrational in relation to the possibility of dying. How could he even think that being able to have sex was as important as living? For Keith the decision was not as easy. With his male ego wrapped up in the decision and the importance of being able to have sex with his wife it just was not as simple. After deciding in favor of the operation there was a lot of adjustments to be made and Virginia found that things were a lot more complex than she had imagined.

In "Making Love Again", Virginia and Keith Laken invite the reader into their personal lives and the difficulties they faced as a result of his prostatectomy. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, and disappointments are laid bare to the reader as they openly discuss deeply personal questions and feelings. If you ever wanted to know what it is like to deal with impotence in a marital relationship this book deals with the emotional struggles that are not normally discussed openly. The power of a loving commitment, strength for the challenge, and hope shine through as well as a true commitment to help others through the copious listing of sources of help in the appendix.

Readers should be cautioned that because this book necessarily discusses sexual intimacy between two people some may find it too graphic at points. On the other hand, it shows the extent to which the authors are letting the reader into their personal lives. "Making Love Again" is a very highly recommended book for those going through concerns about a prostatectomy or any sudden impotency of a permanent or temporary nature.

Rating:
Summary: Sensitive, insightful, helpful for those facing impotency
Review: For Virginia the decision seemed easy, Keith's fear of becoming impotent from the prostatectomy was irrational in relation to the possibility of dying. How could he even think that being able to have sex was as important as living? For Keith the decision was not as easy. With his male ego wrapped up in the decision and the importance of being able to have sex with his wife it just was not as simple. After deciding in favor of the operation there was a lot of adjustments to be made and Virginia found that things were a lot more complex than she had imagined.

In "Making Love Again", Virginia and Keith Laken invite the reader into their personal lives and the difficulties they faced as a result of his prostatectomy. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, and disappointments are laid bare to the reader as they openly discuss deeply personal questions and feelings. If you ever wanted to know what it is like to deal with impotence in a marital relationship this book deals with the emotional struggles that are not normally discussed openly. The power of a loving commitment, strength for the challenge, and hope shine through as well as a true commitment to help others through the copious listing of sources of help in the appendix.

Readers should be cautioned that because this book necessarily discusses sexual intimacy between two people some may find it too graphic at points. On the other hand, it shows the extent to which the authors are letting the reader into their personal lives. "Making Love Again" is a very highly recommended book for those going through concerns about a prostatectomy or any sudden impotency of a permanent or temporary nature.

Rating:
Summary: Even helpful for a 30-something couple
Review: I read this book because my father is impotent from prostate cancer. I was surprised to discover that there were insights that helped my husband and I even though we are not faced with impotence. We have four children under the age of 7 and do not have a lot of time for the two of us. This book reminded me of the kind of relationship I want to have, and showed me that I/we need to make love regularly even if that means scheduling a "date."

I know that if my husband and I ever have to face impotence, this book would be a source of comfort, support and encouragement. It has certainly made me aware of the fact that curing impotence is more than just creating an erection. I will be more sensitive now to the complexities of my father's situation.

Thank you for having the courage to share your story.

Rating:
Summary: Crucial issues relevant to all sexually involved couples
Review: Making Love Again: Hope For Couples Facing Loss Of Sexual Intimacy by communications consultant Virginia Laken and Corporate executive Keith Laken is a serious, and highly personal account of a couple's struggle with impotence. Addressing the true meaning for, and need of, human sexuality between loving partners as a place to cultivate mutual physical pleasure and emotional closeness, Making Love Again raises crucial issues relevant to all sexually involved couples. Making Love Again is highly recommended and informative reading, especially for men and women confronted by and trying to deal with sexual dysfunction issues within the context of their marital relationships.

Rating:
Summary: Glad to have someone to share with
Review: Many,many thanks to the lakens for sharing in detail their journey through one of the hardest things that can hit a couple. just as i was beginning to feel desperate in dealing with the changes due to my husband's prostotectomy 8 months ago, i luckily stumbled across their book. prostate surgery or other types of protate cancer treatment is going to affect a couples sexlife to some degree no matter what..this book will help you realize that things can and will be good again. it made me laugh out loud, but also brought tears to my eyes. i think many couples will relate to the lakens.. also,very helpful is robert youngs phoenix5 website (see previous comments to find).

Rating:
Summary: The Door is Open, The Light is Back On
Review: My son and I had radical prostatectomies this year to remove cancer. We diligently searched for the book that the Lakens have written with candor and generosity. Their gripping story courageously comes to grips with the nagging anxiety of impotency. Prior to their vivid narrative no husband and wife shared their experiences of where to go and what to do should the operation result in erectile dysfunction.

Their fact filled book is a page turner. It is a manual that every urological surgeon should provide as pre op preparation.
Freedom from cancer does not mean the interruption of the gifts and blessings of the marriage relationship. Just the opposite, Virginia and Keith openly tell you that it means a new fulfillment.

Rating:
Summary: A honest, compassionate book on a tough topic
Review: Shortly after my own prostate cancer (PCa) diagnosis on 11/23/99, my treatment rendered me impotent. Besides the physical effect, the psychological impact on me was devastating. I prowled the Net looking for books or Web sites that addressed the problem and found that while there is considerable advice on PCa and treatment, the effect on the man and the relationship was, by comparison, ignored so I built a Web site to fill that gap.

In the two years since, I have become intimately familiar with the problem that men and couples face and can say that "Making Love Again" is one of the very best resources for any couple that must face the sexual effects of PCa treatment. What is exceptional is that the perspective of the companion - in this case, Virginia - is foremost. Every woman who lives with man effected by treatment should read it. She, and Keith, have filled a need and have recorded it with a style and honesty that is equally rare.