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Summary: Thank you, Dr Pipher, for writing this book
Review: Dr Pipher focuses on families' strengths and resources, and refuses to label them "dysfunctional." Often, we simply need to rethink our use of time and technology. For me, reading this book was like taking a deep, calming breath and seeing my precious family in a new light.
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Summary: Timely and Important: A Must Read For All Parents
Review: I picked up this book after reading the equally important "Reviving Ophelia." "The Shelter of Each Other" is an important guidebook on how to get your family back from the clutches of American junk media, job stress and day care. This book is ungently needed by any parent with factory farmed kids who spend their days with nannies, in day care, and in front of the tube watching garbage videos. But it is equally useful to involved parents who want to be one step ahead of the corrupting and damaging influences of life in America today. Read it and heal.
Rating:
Summary: Timely and Important: A Must Read For All Parents
Review: I picked up this book after reading the equally important "Reviving Ophelia." "The Shelter of Each Other" is an important guidebook on how to get your family back from the clutches of American junk media, job stress and day care. This book is ungently needed by any parent with factory farmed kids who spend their days with nannies, in day care, and in front of the tube watching garbage videos. But it is equally useful to involved parents who want to be one step ahead of the corrupting and damaging influences of life in America today. Read it and heal.
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Summary: Reviving the notion of "family."
Review: In her 1996 work, Dr. Pipher decries what cultural conservatives like myself have known for at least 25+ years, and that is our popular culture is at war with the family. Because of our desire to be "open" and not repressed about sex and sexuality, because we don't want to do anything that would have a "chilling effect" on free speech, and because advertising has mercilessly and shamelessly propagated the religon of consumerism, while pop-psychology makes converts to a humanist, man-centered existentialism that places the emphasis on "self-esteem" over responsibility, this is why we have the rot we see today.Dr. Pipher was right on the mark in her observation that people develop "relationships" with media figures, to the detriment of themselves and society. One only has to look at the circulation figures for magazines like "People," "The National Enquirer," and the other tabloids for proof. People talk about the stars of WWF as if they have known them all their lives; the latest celebrity gossip vies with actual news stories on the evening news for headline coverage. Because of our inate desire to belong and to fellowship, we crave human contact. Yet we live in a culture where most of us don't even know who our next door neighbors are. A lot of the criticism of Dr. Pipher's book on this site has been picayune and childish. You don't need to be a cultural anthropoligist, or have an advanced degree in family therapy to recognize that our society is in trouble. The American Family is in the crosshairs, under relentless assault. Dr. Mary Pipher is to be highly commended for this book, which like her earlier work "Reviving Ophelia" correctly takes aim at our popular culture for its contribution to the destruction of decency in our society. This book would benefit all families. Highly recommended!
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Summary: Good ideas, but over-stated
Review: Many of the ideas in this book have some validity. I knew most of the people in the neighborhood where I grew up, but feel much more alienated from my neighbors now. There is more transiency in where people live, whether they're affluent or struggling economically. I also see Dr. Pipher's point about the media and the materialistic values it teaches. I think that both points are over-stated though. The children in my current neighborhood seem to know each other, and to know many of the adults as well. It's the adults who know each other less. If television is allowed to be a baby-sitter, it will try to fill a void regarding value-teaching. But, if television-watching is done as a family, and values are discussed then and at other times, television's influence becomes greatly reduced. Many authors find a good idea, fall in love with it, and, without intending to, end up selling it as "THE ANSWER." I think Dr. Pipher has fallen victim to this trend, which is encouraged, to some extent, by some publishers (books sell better if they tell you THE ANSWER). "The Shelter of Each Other" is good reading and contains many valid, if over-stated points. Those pearls should be incorporated into one's approach to living and to changing the world around one. This book is not THE ANSWER, but might be part of the answer to many problems we face.
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Summary: The Shelter of Each Other
Review: Many of us would agree there is a crisis plaguing our family's today. With the influx and overload of harmful messages, overstimulation, and lack of connection, there exists a steadily increasing problem which threatens to destroy family relationships and values. Mary Pipher captures the essence of what challenges American families today in an entertaining and easily read forum. This book is extremely enlightening and inspiring, offering concrete information and newfound hope towards rectifying what's wrong with families today.
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Summary: Excellent emphasis on importance of "community"
Review: Mary Pipher has an influence of native American culture. Her concept is one of individuals being strengthened by forming increased connections with family and community. Her illustrations help solidify the concepts. Some of her suggestions near the end of the book are somewhat ideal but excellent to strive for. Her writing style makes it hard to put the book down. You feel comfortable, growing to feel "connected" with her by the time you finish the last page. What she says is true: Families are valuable; we need each other; there is much richness in our society and community.
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Summary: A Courageous Book
Review: Mary Pipher, a psychotherapist, may find herself under a fatwa issued by her colleagues. She takes these handily to task for their role in blaming their clients' "dysfunctional" families for all present troubles. In some cases this may strike directly at a therapist-client relationship that has become total dependence after the client was isolated from any support his family might give. And Mary Pipher does see families as offering support, for all their frustrations and difficulties. True, she romanticizes somewhat, and she is not addressing herself to families in which children are unprotected from criminal abuse. However, it is a lovely read, and delightful to be encouraged to remember the good parts of growing up, instead of trying to outwhine each other about how awful it was at home.
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Summary: Mary Pipher failed to support her claims with any real data.
Review: Pipher's goal is to get the reader to look at the American culture as a whole so that families can come closer to understanding how today's culture impacts their lives. She claims that almost everything about our culture works against families. Parents are not only having to deal with long work hours, but with the ever-growing needs of their consumer-oriented children whose lives are now largely influenced by the media. And instead of "real" people that make up our community, it is the "media" that now forms our community. Many of Pipher's claims do not sound plausible. In one example, she states that we know more about our celebrities lives than of our next-door neighbor. She feels that we are creating a new kind of loneliness for ourselves through these vicarious relationships we have with personae rather than with persons.--Because we are curious about what the stars are doing should not be cause for any concern. Because some of us may fantasize about being married to Brad Pitt does not mean that we are creating a new kind of loneliness for ourselves. Many of us still manage to have very fulfilling lives despite our "relationships" with celebrities. Pipher failed to prove her point on this because she did not provide us with any data as to how many people actually felt that their relationships with celebrities felt real or whether any of them felt that their relationships with celebrities were more valuable to them than their relationships with real persons. Another problem I have is Pipher's claim that the media is producing self-centered, impulsive and addicted children. She points out that there are children as young as two years old who beg their parents for products that they've seen advertised on TV or very young children who can already name all the Pokemon characters. I agree with Pipher that ads from the media are teaching values and behavior to children; I don't however, agree with Pipher's claim that children are becoming self-centered, impulsive or addicted is the direct result of the media. I am one of six children and we grew up together watching TV for several hours almost every day because our parents had to work long hours. We definitely wanted many of the things we saw advertised on TV, but I can say for sure that none of us grew up to be any of those things Pipher claims is being produced by the media. I am very good friends with all of my siblings and the many hours spent together in front of the TV makes for nice conversation about shows we've seen; we remember very few of the ads. I have come across children of all ages and very rarely have I met a child who was any of those things mentioned by Pipher, although I don't doubt that they do exist. For the most part, I have found children to be friendly and loving. I don't agree with Pipher that just because children want certain things would qualify them as being impulsive or addicted. Again, Pipher fails to provide any data to support this claim. I really have a hard time believing that parents who do have problem children can honestly say that it is purely the fault of the media and not a fault within themselves. Pipher was wrong when she claimed that people's relationship with celebrities was creating a new kind of loneliness. People have and will probably always be interested in the lives of celebrities, and furthermore, it is absolutely normal to have fantasies about other people, celebrities or not. Pipher's claim that the media influences children's values and behaviors is accurate to some degree, but I don't agree that self-centered, impulsive or addicted children is the product of the media. It is the family that still plays the larger role on how kids turn out. I'd also like to point out that there is nothing wrong with a child wanting certain things even if they are expensive, or that there is anything wrong with a child knowing the names of all the Pokemon characters. One should take pleasure in indulging their children every now and then!
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Summary: a gift to families
Review: This book is a gift to families. Please, if you are a parent, read it, and read it now. There are such challenges to healthy families; it will be a real help to read this wonderful book.
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