The Courage to Raise Good Men

Rating:
Summary: I LOVED This Book!
Review: I came to the dialog of gender issues from a feminist perspective. I believed, after becoming the mother of two boys, that I pretty much understood gender issues as they related to boys...that is until my two and half year old wanted to buy purple boots. All of a sudden I found myself concerned (afraid!) of what other mothers and his peers would say (or think) about those purple boots. Without shaming him outloud, I subtly directed him toward the dark blue pair. I was totally amazed at my own fear of bending gender rules for a boy! I would have bought combat boots or any other kind of "boy" attire for a daughter but I could not bring myself to allow him to wear something others might find too "feminine". That was three years ago. After having read this book, I am now noticing all the other ways I have subtly or not-so-subtly directed him along a culturally acceptable gender path. And I consider myself to be a feminist. This book was my first exposure to the idea that I won't harm my boys by allowing them the freedom to express themselves, however that might look. This book was my first exposure to the idea that mothers don't harm their sons by loving them passionately and joyfully. I am so grateful for having read this book and I am going to buy it for at least 3 other mothers I know who are raising boys. This should be required reading for ALL parents of boys!!!

Rating:
Summary: Long overdue and wonderfully perceptive..
Review: I was nervous about having a boy, having been raised in an all female family, but knowing a lot about boys from the boyfriend-girlfriend point of view. How could I raise my son so that he would grow up in touch with his own feelings but unafraid to be a man? This book offers a clear and convincing argument for change, and a pretty straightforward solution to the problem.

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Summary: I raised my son this way and it works!
Review: My son (now 16) is living proof that this book works! I read it when he was a toddler, and it completely and radically changed my entire outlook of how to raise a son. I found the concept incredibly profound, and it struck a chord deep within my being that resonates with my maternal instincts as well as my spiritual beliefs. This book has been the foundation of my parenting style. I have tried to apply the principles of treating my son as a person (who happens to be male) with feelings, fears, and the capacity to love. To add to our unique situation, he is homeschooled. `Macho'-minded people might think this is a recipe for a clingy "mama's boy" but such is not the case! He was definitely more bonded to me when he was little, and took a bit longer to become independent, but whenever I tried to push him, it backfired, whereas whenever I let him mature at his own pace, he always came thru just fine! My son has a very active social life, is a fiercely independent thinker, and is doing quite well with his girlfriends. He is not interested in organized sports, but then neither is my husband (a traditionally `macho' man who is a martial arts instructor), but he is plenty `masculine'. What is strikingly different about my son is his relationship with me. We have open communication in our family, and he shares his experiences with both myself and my husband. For example, he told me when he kissed a girl for the first time, and, even tho he has plenty of activities with his friends, he is not afraid to be seen in public with his parents. We even go to concerts together - last week he and I went to Metallica. His friends are all amazed that he does not have to sneak out or lie to his parents. He is making plans to go to college, but he knows that he will always have a home should he decide to return. I think he is ready to go out on his own because we have not pushed him to do so. Most gratifying is that he is able to have deep relationships with other people. He is not a `predator' like so many teenage boys who just want to see what they `can get' from girls. My friends who have sons have used the term `blown away' that my son actually talks to me. They truly do not have a clue about their sons' lives, not even on simple things like the music they listen to. My son and I share music, books, and philosophical discussions. He and his dad discuss history and politics. He spends a lot of time with his friends, whether in person or on the computer, but when he is with us, he considers us real people, not just `parents to escape from' like his friends think of their parents. We have made mistakes, of course, lots of them, but being close to our son was NOT one of them. Do not be afraid to follow the principles in this book - it just might save your son from a lifetime of emotional shutdown and deeply buried resentment. `The Courage to Raise Good Men' is the very best parenting book I have ever read, and I am so grateful to have found it. I owe everything to this book!

Rating:
Summary: I LOVED This Book!
Review: The author is indifferent regarding the development of masculine characteristics. The positive reviews seem to be from readers who sought the book because it reinforces their own predisposition to raising children androgenously. That does not make this a good book.

Rating:
Summary: this is the best book on how to raise boys I have read
Review: When I found out I was having a boy, I was distressed, given that I come from a family of all girls and had no experience with boys. I also don't find most men very appealing on a human level. I doubted my ability to have and maintain a close relationship with a boy-man and this was a matter of some sadness to me.

This book exposed my expectations for what they were - socially induced, i.e. mothers shouldn't be too close to their male children, or they will emasculate them, etc. It is a brilliant book with many compelling examples and its arguments are wholly consistent with common sense and instinct. My husband read some of it and thought its hypothesis was obvious, but it is strikingly different in its prescriptions than any other book on raising boys that I have read. (For instance, the "Wonder of Boys," which says mothers have to leave their sons alone, let them be driven by testosterone into competitiveness, roughness, and machoism, and basically seems to take the attitude that mothers are responsible for most problems their boys have growing up.

This is a positive, hopeful book, displaying warmth and compassion, and seems much more pyschologically sound. It should be required reading of all mothers, along with "Real Boys" of Pollock, which is its more recent successor.

Rating:
Summary: this is the best book on how to raise boys I have read
Review: When I found out I was having a boy, I was distressed, given that I come from a family of all girls and had no experience with boys. I also don't find most men very appealing on a human level. I doubted my ability to have and maintain a close relationship with a boy-man and this was a matter of some sadness to me.

This book exposed my expectations for what they were - socially induced, i.e. mothers shouldn't be too close to their male children, or they will emasculate them, etc. It is a brilliant book with many compelling examples and its arguments are wholly consistent with common sense and instinct. My husband read some of it and thought its hypothesis was obvious, but it is strikingly different in its prescriptions than any other book on raising boys that I have read. (For instance, the "Wonder of Boys," which says mothers have to leave their sons alone, let them be driven by testosterone into competitiveness, roughness, and machoism, and basically seems to take the attitude that mothers are responsible for most problems their boys have growing up.

This is a positive, hopeful book, displaying warmth and compassion, and seems much more pyschologically sound. It should be required reading of all mothers, along with "Real Boys" of Pollock, which is its more recent successor.

Rating:
Summary: Not a feminist tract but...
Review: When I was pregnant with my second child, my first boy, I worried a lot about raising him successfully when I had almost no family experience with boys (coming from a family with no brothers, and an often absent father). I knew I wanted to help him avoid all the pitfalls of modern manhood (made vivid by a reading of the book, "The McGill Report on Male Intimacy"). All of the books I had read seemed to come from an "Iron John" perspective or be a sort of vague, New Agey feel-good book, but none of them offered concrete steps and clear facts until I read "The Courage To Raise Good Men." Here at last was a book that told me what my heart should have known all along: just love him like he's a child becoming an adult, and don't try to push him at all (he'll grow up even if you don't push!). This book is not written from a feminist perspective but it would suit any feminist's needs in trying to figure out how to raise a boy into a well-balanced human who happens to be male.

Rating:
Summary: A long overdue book on how we need to change we raise boys!
Review: Wow! This is one excellent book! Olga was right on the money when she said that it is NOT necessary for boys to "detach" emotionally from their mothers in order to grow up (& become "real men"). The book could have also been written by Mary Perry, Steve Perry's mom. (Steve Perry had a WONDERFUL relationship with his mom & often turned to her for advice). Olga explodes many of the untrue myths surrounding sons, including the rules of conventional "masculinity". She exposes the "men's movement" & the "fatherhood" pundits for what they are...conservatives attempting to push their agenda on families...conservatives who tell mothers that they are inadequate for their sons & need men around to raise their sons for them, that a close relationship with mom is bad or "emasculating," etc. I like how she encourages moms to rise to the task of raising their sons, especially single mothers, who just as good as dads.(Contrary to popular belief, sons of single moms are BETTER off than other men & enjoy a closer relationship with their mothers in adulthood). Largely, her book proves that the old rigid gender patterns are limiting & destructive to both sexes & that feminism is not only pro-female, but pro-male as well.