Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused

Rating:
Summary: To those who don't believe that accusations are ever false..
Review: ...you need to read this book. As a feminist, I had the requisite low opinion of men. As an abuse victim, I believed that all children and mothers were always 100 percent truthful when reporting abuse. As a woman who was married to two abusive men, I readily believed all stories of domestic abuse as well.

As fate would have it, I met a man who was falsely accused of sexual abuse. Consequently, I did a lot of research, and Tong's book was one of the books I studied. Tong's book was instrumental in my decision to become a Men's Rights Activist. Powerfully written, it contains a wealth of advice for men and women who are falsely accused.

False accusations of child sexual abuse have become the weapon of choice for many bitter mothers ("Malicious Moms") whose only aim is to destroy their ex- spouse. In the process, they also hurt the children they claim to love. If you don't believe it can happen to you or a man or woman you love, please read this book.

Rating:
Summary: If you think it can't happen to you....
Review: As the media continue to examine allegations of child abuse and domestic violence, it is imperative to remember that those accused are innocent until found guilty beyond reasonable doubt after legal due process. Nonetheless, even in that event, those exonerated may have by then already been severely punished socially, economically, and psychologically by the discredited allegations. What could and should the falsely accused have done to protect themselves? Tong answers that critically important question in this book. Also, a separate but related question: What can anyone do in advance to minimize the risk of being victimized later by false allegations? As my three sons were growing up, I helped to coach the teams on which they played. For many years, my wife and I were also directly involved in various social activities which included friends of our sons and daughter (e.g. birthday parties, matinee movies, cook-outs, sleep-overs, picnics, trips to the zoo) during which we were potentially vulnerable to false accusations of "improper behavior." I realized this as I read Tong's book. I also thought about Arthur Miller's play The Crucible, based on the Salem witch trials in the late-1th century. Wholly innocent persons were found guilty and punished (in some instances executed) because of false accusations by children.

Please understand that I have zero tolerance of physical abuse in any form, be it of children, spouses or anyone else. Those found guilty of such abuse should be punished to the full limit of the law. Tong agrees. His book was written to assist those falsely accused; it was also written to assist everyone else who may be vulnerable to false accusations; finally, it was written to assist others who, in his words, "fall victim to, champion, and don't understand the 71 percent unfounded and false cases of alleged child abuse and neglect. This is what I call the reverse cycle of child abuse." (Note: In his Introduction, Tong points out that there were one million confirmed reports of child abuse and neglect in 1998. Of these, approximately 71% were unfounded and false.) During the course of his book, Tong carefully examines actual case studies to stimulate his reader's "gray matter regarding the suggestibility of young children's disclosures of abuse, usage of anatomically exaggerated dolls, and inherent problems facing our social work, mental health, and legal professions."

Tong is to be commended for making a substantial contribution to our understanding of the scope and depth of a problem which has created so many victims and done so much damage. His book will be especially valuable to parents, of course, but also to all others who have any contact whatsoever with children (e.g. teachers, coaches, clergy) as well as to healthcare, legal, and social service professionals who may be called upon when there is any suspicion of child or spousal abuse.

Today I am a grandparent, proud and pleased that my three sons are involved in the athletic and social activities of their own children. I dread the thought and resent the possibility that one or more of these fine young men (indeed any other fine young women as well as men) could become victims of false accusations. Thanks to Dean Tong, each can be about as well-prepared as possible to prevent and, if need be, respond to such accusations. Yes, society today is much different than the one in which I did not hesitate to hug the boys I coached or the girls in Indian Princess. Perhaps I didn't need Dean Tong's counsel then but almost everyone needs it now.

Rating:
Summary: Incisive expose of a national disgrace and cause for hope
Review: At the center of this important (and frankly, long overdue) book about parents falsely accused of sexually abusing their children is a pernicious phenomenon called the "Sexual Allegations In Divorce" (SAID) syndrome. This syndrome is symptomatic of a legal and child protective services system gone horribly wrong, so that not only aren't the children being protected from abuse, they end up being abused by the system itself.

The syndrome arises when one of the parties injects false allegations of child sexual abuse into the divorce proceedings in an attempt to get the upper hand. Usually, but not always, it is the mother who does this, especially a mother who, as Tong documents, either has something to hide or is otherwise unfit to gain custody of the children. The accusation works especially well when the child is very young and is easily led by the parent who has custody. The accusation usually works because child protective services and the courts are predisposed to believe the accusing parent, sometimes in complete disregard of the evidence.

What then follows is a nightmare for all concerned, especially the children whose family is now irrevocably split. The accused parent is denied visitation rights and stigmatized as some kind of moral degenerate while the accusing parent is exposed to the children as a liar seeking vengeance. Then comes the sexual abuse interrogations of the children and the "therapy" by counselors, social workers, psychologists and/or psychiatrists.

Accused parents may now lose everything important to them, not only their children, their life savings, but their livelihood and their reputations as well. They are caught in a web of legalities and accusations beyond their ability to contend with or understand. They are drained emotionally and financially in a desperate attempt to prove their innocence. Even if they do prove that the charges are false--which, as Tong clearly shows, is very difficult--they still may not get the right to see their children because the child protection agencies typically act autonomously without regard for legal niceties concerning evidence or due process. They will even ignore the verdict of the court! Even if the accused could somehow prove his or her innocence, many people would continue to believe otherwise. Indeed, the insidiously terrible thing about charges of child sexual abuse, is that the charge, once made, never entirely goes away.

So what can you do if you are charged with sexually abusing your children by a vindictive and morally-challenged spouse who has hired a win-at-all-costs lawyer aided by child counseling people desirous of increasing therapeutic opportunities for themselves and their colleagues? Very little if you are not informed. A lot if you understand what you are up against and how the system works.

Tong begins with his own case, followed by a history of three similar cases. His narrative is compellingly written and sympathetic and arouses our profound indignation. He summarizes the case studies showing what they have in common and gives a list of indicators. Chapter 8 is a focus on the syndrome, while other chapters are devoted to each of the participants. There is a particularly devastating exposé in Chapter 10 of the misleading indoctrinational use of the infamous "anatomically correct" dolls and the damage done to children by such use. Tong shows how the children are led--I would even say brainwashed--into giving the social services people the answers they want to hear. For reasons that Tong makes clear, the answer they almost always want to hear is that the accused has sexually abused the child.

Particularly valuable are chapters 14 and 15 on "fighting back"; Chapter 17 on problems and solutions; Chapter 18 "A Self-Help Guide," and Chapter 19, "An Attorney's View," written by Charles Jamieson, who obviously has had a lot of experience in child abuse cases. The ten appendices are also valuable and interesting. There is a chapter on the Borderline Personality Disorder (subtitled: "Survival Guide for Non-BPs") because Tong believes that BPs have just the "kind of twisted and devious" minds that "would use a child as a pawn in a custody battle." (p. 171)

I would enthusiastically give this book five stars except for the fact that, although it is clearly and strongly written, fair almost to a fault at times, and of great value to those who are accused, its documentation and editing are not first rate. First of all, there is no index. In a book like this an index is essential. There are too many typos, too much repetition--some of it intentional, surely, but a lot of it gratuitous--and there are some annoying editing problems. For example:

The words, "Listen to the kids and help them deal with it... Don't act like another parent. You're supposed to be a friend, someone to help..." are attributed to "Martha" on page 82 but then to "Mary" on page 107.

When Tong writes on page 160 that if the case stays in the "gray area," the judge will rule "on the side of the child," he surely means "on the side of the accuser."

On page 162 this short list of feminist authors is given, "Steinhem, Walker, Terr, Ireland, and Allred." Their full names need to be used.

On pages 195-202 the chapter title line on the right hand pages gives the title of the previous chapter.

The outline in Appendix A is unclear and misnumbered.

In Appendix H it is not made clear that Dr. Robert Fay is (apparently) the author of pages 262-266, and not just the two indented paragraphs on page 262.

Is the "child abuse syndrome" referred to on page 241 and then again on 242 the same as the "Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome" mentioned on page 243? At any rate, neither syndrome is explained.

Tong's is a noble cause because there is little worse than to be falsely accused of a crime and to have no redress against the accusation. This book can help.

Rating:
Summary: Elusive Innocence
Review: Author Dean Tong was falsely accused of molesting his child by his former wife. After surviving that horror, he dedicated his career to helping other falsely accused parents cope and to exposing a system which presumes guilt, not innocence of the accused. Mr. Tong exhorts the falsely accused to fight back and provides the tools necessary to do so.

This book begins with four case studies of real people who had been falsely accused of sex abuse and recounts their personal turmoil including the pain of being cut off from seeing their children. Tong then explores the context in which false allegations arise, first examining the characteristics of the "accuser" and second examining how false allegations often arise during family breakup including divorce and custody fights. The accuser, says Tong, may be mentally disturbed and may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. He cautions that people who work with children must be initially skeptical of allegations arising in the context of a family breakup and counsels that we must not jump to conclusions about guilt or automatically believe the reports of children.

The book then examines the weaknesses of the child protective services system, how agencies that investigate abuse are often understaffed, undertrained and underpaid, and how Judges too often defer to the agency's judgment. Its last chapters provide useful guidance to the falsely accused, how to fight back by retaining the right attorney and experts.

I liked this book because it exposes the weaknesses of a child protective system, which, though well meaning, nevertheless makes mistakes and victimizes the innocent. People too often believe that children always tell the truth, too few people realize that children's memory is so suggestible and programmable by adults. People too often believe that reporters of abuse are knights in shining armor and too few people realize that adult reporters may be lying or exaggerating or acting with an agenda to harm the target of their accusations. Too few people realize that accusers may suffer from mental disorders themselves which distort their perceptions.

I liked the book because it humanizes the unfortunate people falsely accused of abuse. Society seems to focus solely upon the victim and the horror of the crime of abuse, but rarely focuses on the personal and social cost of false accusations.
This distinguishes the book from others which relate statistics or science or the psychology of abuse.

Most important, I liked the book because it offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to handle false accusations. For example, it relates how to find the right attorney, and the appropriate expert, and it educates the reader in asking the professionals the right questions. It instructs how to obtain a polygraph test, how to seek out psychological evaluations, how to deal with the child protective service agencies. It provides the reader a wealth of internet resources
and teaches the reader that knowledge is power.

The author writes in a clear, simple, direct manner free of
jargon. The book represents the best in the self-help genre.

I wish the book provided better citations to source material. For example, Tong refers to a pivotal study by the National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect, but does not give us a citation to the original study. Tong spends time discussing the Sexual Abuse Allegations in Divorce Syndrome, but does not give us any statistics which show the frequency in which sex abuse allegations arise in this context. Tong also suggests that the accuser may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, but does not cite any studies which establish a link between this disorder and false allegations. The problem is we don't know the basis upon which Tong suggests that the accuser may suffer from this disorder.

The book's value lies in its muckraking style. One hopes that policy makers in the child protective system will read this book and that the book will prevent society from jumping to conclusions about the guilt of someone accused of sexual abuse.

Rating:
Summary: End of Innocence
Review: Dean Tong understands what is at stake when you are accused of sexual abuse of your own children - the nightmare is only beginning. All of a sudden, your friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even your own family start to look at you as if you were an alien. You are guilty until proven innocent, despite the Constitution and our state laws. There just is no worse crime in today's proper society than sexual abuse of one own's children.
Dean Tong has written from his heart, freely discussing his own personal agonizing experiences which validate and prove his innocence; He has interviewed many similarly situated people; he has detailed the tricks, traps, and tips in his book...all with one goal...to assist in the preparation of the defender and the defendant in the most important event in the defendant's life.
His book offers an excellent discussion on strategy and tactics in defending falsely accused sexual abuse cases. He shows how to attack the "psychobabble" which is being thrown at you and your client from the so-called experts.
To state it simply: Dean Tong's book goes into my legal brief bag when I now go to trial on all my sexual abuse cases. I strongly recommend this book for all defenders of liberty of those accused of sexual abuse, and for those persons who are themselves accused.

Rating:
Summary: A Handbook for Understanding False Accusations
Review: Dean Tong's Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused is a magnificent and much needed handbook to separate fact from fiction in understanding the range of important issues regarding child abuse. What makes Mr. Tong's handbook so important and unique is that it can be used by both the public and professionals alike, and for many who do not understand or appreciate the issues involved in accusations of child abuse, this book will truly open your eyes! Mr. Tong's writing is superb, the organization of the book, intermixing personal stories with legal and social issues, provides for a wonderful reading, and the appendices offer a wealth of resources of information for those needing assistance. I recommend this book most highly for everyone interested (and everyone should be interested) in how our society's laws have developed to protect children, and how these laws are being used to perpetrate what Mr. Tong refers to as "the reverse cycle of child abuse." This book is simply a must-read for all who want to know what is happening in our society regarding the abuse of children. Elusive Innocence is a singular and comprehensive resource that will make you think, and perhaps act, so that our society will more equitably address this important topic, protecting both children and those who stand accused.

Rating:
Summary: For anyone caught up in an unjustified accusation
Review: Expertly written by Dean Tong (family rights activist and forensic consultant specializing in child abuse, domestic violence, and child custody cases), Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide For The Falsely Accused is a straightforward, no-nonsense guide to defending oneself against false charges of child abuse in divorce and child custody battles. Sadly, fallacious abuse accusations are all too common when emotions run deep and bitter; Elusive Innocence takes a close, hard look at such situations, how they occur, the similarities between instances and how parents involved in a dispute can protect themselves, all the while retaining a keen understanding of the importance recognizing when sexual abuse is a real and present threat. Elusive Innocence is very highly recommended reading for anyone caught up in an unjustified accusation of child abuse.

Rating:
Summary: Important legal information
Review: It is horrifying to face the fact that the very real needs for protection of millions of children exposed to actual parental abuse are compromised daily by malicious false accusations of abuse during rancorous divorces. Worse, the lives of the innocent accused are destroyed. Fortunately, for those faced with a harrowing attack of this nature, this book can be a lifeline. The author has personally endured the tragedy of false accusation, spending over $120,000 in legal fees clearing his name and attempting to have his wrongfully removed parental rights reinstated. He has offered this book as a means to prevent others in his position from making the mistakes in their legal defense that he did, due to the ignorance of his attorneys.

Tong provides case studies of people who have experienced false accusation and includes information on how social service agencies, law enforcement and the courts treat these types of accusations. Specific advice is given for creating a defense for allegations of child abuse and domestic violence, and information is offered for dealing with false accusations arising out of a spouse with a mental illness, particularly borderline personality disorder. In addition, the author provides an extensive array of appendices, including attorney referrals, internet resources, and defense interrogatories. There is no index, but there is a two-page bibliography for further reading.

I have rated this book five stars because it is clearly written with a calm, reasoned tone, the information presented is extensive, detailed, direct, and very practical. For anyone in this situation himself or with a loved one facing false allegations of child abuse, this book is highly recommended.

Rating:
Summary: Elusive Innocence By Dean Tong
Review: Review: Elusive Innocence By Dean Tong
Survival Guide For The Falsely Accused
Denise Marhoefer
...

The only way that we can deal with child abuse at any level is in our ability to deal with false abuse as effectively as true. This book is the answer for that ability. False abuse allegation is as equally as damaging to a child, as actual true abuse. This includes also the damage that occurs when a child is 'treated" for events that did not even happen to them. Dean Tong's book is designed to win the war against the false abuse allegations, that keep children from the incredible pain of being wrongfully kept from a parent they love.
As a father, Dean Tong's love is clearly seen through his valiant fight, and continues to this day.
His book is a gift, as is the use of his life in helping many avoid the pain that he had to endure.
It is wisdom, one's ability to learn from another's experience,
where by being spared the same pain. This book does exactly that.
Denise Marhoefer
The Defense Foundation for children
USA

Rating:
Summary: To those who don't believe that accusations are ever false..
Review: This book serves a purpose. Unfortunately, it is very one-sided.
The author is writing primarily on the basis of his feeling that
he was abused by false accusations. He focuses on accusations
against men. This distorts the picture. Additionally, it ignores the fact that many children of both sexes really are abused - sexually and physically and emotionally -- by uncles, fathers, grandfathers, brothers and frieds of the family. Many are abused by both parents. Yearly an alarming number of girls are impregnated by male relatives. Yearly a substantial number of women leave abusive spouses to protect their children from further abuse. I see adult children of abuse in my practice with persons who are acutely ill psychiatrically. They are not psychotic. These persons fall under Axis II of DSM-T-R, the diagnostic and statistical manual of the American Psychological Association. Those who have been victimized before the age of 18 months are the men who evidence uncontrollable rage and the women who impulsicely mutilate themselves -- cutting themselves or swallowing sharp objects. There is a real and serious problem of abuse of children and there is also a problem with false "recovered" memories. People who are falsely accused need to know how to protect themselves with the law.People who have been victimized need to know how to bring their abusers to justice.
At least one of the reviewers is so hysterical in
his accusations against "gender feminists" and NOW as to
discredit himself.