Nasty Men

Rating:
Summary: A Bible for the Verbally Abused
Review: After reading this book and puting the advice given within it into action, my relationship was reformed.

While reading the book, I used a yellow highlighter to mark parts of the book I did not want to forget, and found that I had about 60% of the book highlighted!

You'll find yourself saying "Oh my, this is HIM, its exactly how HE acts!" (if your man tends to be "Nasty"). You'll learn more here than 10 sessions in therapy.

Rating:
Summary: This Book Is Priceless
Review: For all the books I've read in the past regarding relationships and the "men who hate women" categories, this one is priceless.

It encompasses all the rest, and amazingly compact, makes for easy reading.

Jay Carter tells it like it is without resorting to gimmickry often found in other books.

He tells us that there are just some men who cannot change, and we must accept it. We should either leave them or if we really want to put up with lifelong abuse, learn to deal with them.

He also mentions, as many other books do, about the dangerous psychopathic personality and that this sort of man must be avoided at all costs.

What I liked best was the lengthy and informative chapters in which Carter teaches us to deconstruct our fantasies about love.

He is an excellent writer and seems to have the talent to KNOW human nature.

Besides this book, I would also recommend, "Let's Face It, Men Are Assh-les" by Joseph Rock and Barry Duncan.

For women who have dealt with many "jerks" and bad men, I would also recommend reading books about psychopathy, like Dr. Hare's "Without Conscience" and so forth.

Rating:
Summary: This Book Changed My Life
Review: I was in an abusive love relationship for twelve years, that finally ended when my husband walked out on myself and my 6 month old baby (I had quit my job, and he decided I was no longer financially useful for him).
I really considered taking this person back when he found out he couldn't keep all our assets in the divorce, and then I read this book. This is him! You won't believe how well this book describes your nasty man. The book is very clear that THIS PERSON WON'T CHANGE. It was these words that gave me the courage not to take him back.

I highly reccomend this book - I can't say enough good things about it.

Rating:
Summary: Not A Book I'll Be Sharing With My Clients
Review: Jay does a good job of telling women what he would do if he were an abused woman, but he is neither abused nor a woman. He writes with the power and authority that men naturally have in this society. If all women were to follow his advise and become more assertive with their battering men, some would find their situations improve, some would see no change, and some would end up dead.

Jay belittles abused women when he writes, "The amazing thing is that no matter what you tell them, what you do, or what fifty million other people tell them, some women just won't leave. Somehow, the relationship is like a drug for these women." This statement demonstrates a remarkable lack of empathy and adds another voice of critism that abused women get from innocently ignorant people all the time.

Perhaps a good book for some, but not one I will be passing out to the abused women who are my clients.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent!
Review: Very good and thought provoking analysis of abusive relationships. The author seems to have a good understanding of the fact that abuse does not require physical damage. Although he starts out with an offensive reference to the abuser who "may be hurting you big time (having and affair) or just a little (putting you down)...", later in the book he seems to get it that just "putting you down" can be the most insideous and damaging kind of abuse. I highly recommend the book for both men and women. Even though most of the references to the abuser are in the male gender, the author acknowledges that abusers ("nasty people") can be of either gender.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent!
Review: Without having read this book, I can tell it is valuable for its insight from the reviews offered. Having lived with an "innocently harmful, but uncaring "nasty" man" for 30 years, any book that attempts to reveal the uselessness of trying to get through and change the behavior of men or alert women who put up with them in a world that ignores, supports or encourages such behavior must be worthwhile. There have been few joys in trying to deal with such a person and women need to listen to their instincts before they become so entrenched in life with such people. The only way to accomplish that is to disassociate their conduct with those of men in general so that women can differentiate those who are safe to become attached to. We females have done little about challenging the propriety and authority of men to teach younger women about the differences in nasty or ugly, controlling men who do not like women and tender, warm and loving men who do like women. I also think that it is the responsibility of men to make that effort to teach about the differences. Why should all men get a bad reputation because of the behavior of some? Likewise, why should all women get a bad reputation because of the behavior of some? It is a personality profile that has escaped review too often hidden within the cadre of gender ignorance. Much of that is due to the fact that we idolize and make perceptions based upon outward appearance rather than scrutinizing, praising and celebrating the person within. In our power-driven competitive society where finance is king, the qualities that matter to provide intimate and satisfying relationships are often obscured by the facade or veneer that people try to project to live up to those images. Young women are often naive and vulnerable to the hype that draws them in since they've often come from sheltered families where their Dads were sheltering and nurturing and appropriately loving. Because many of these people do not "display" until after their victims are "safely caught under their control" it is a difficult social problem for the men or women who need to recognize and escape from such persons. Because it is a universal problem and not confined to gender, the personal qualities and tactics that people use to cultivate intimate relationships need far more analysis, evaluation and publicity so that people can learn to recognize the danger signals of controlling people, or bullies - male or female. Somewhere in the transition from childhood to adulthood, we lose the ability to make that distinction, often due to the social marketing that accompanies dating and mating dynamics. Size, brains, wealth or beauty that comes with its own automatic hammer is not much of a bargain when you have to pay with the quality of your very short life!