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Rating: 
Summary: Would that it were so
Review: Dr. Staheli has written an excellent fact filled book that explains, in easily understandable terms, why we have affairs and actually offers practicle advice on how to affair-proof your marriage. I advise everyone thinking of divorcing a roving spouse to read this book before starting the legal proceedings. It just might save your marriage, and the least it will do is remove the "why me" syndrome. Part 5 alone would make this book a great gift for the newlyweds among your family and friends. I'm sending one to my best friend today.
Rating: 
Summary: A must read for anyone in a long-term relationship
Review: Having my husband confess to having an affair was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. Reading this book helped me change my negative thought patterns into positive ones. The book was easy to read, with examples that made me understand that my marriage was one of many to be impacted by an affair. It also articulated the reasons why people have affairs which was something my husband was not able to explain to me. The last part of the book is an excellent tool that helped us open the lines of communication so we could move forward from the hurt we both felt. I am confident my marriage will be a stronger "affair-proof" relationship from now on.
Rating:
Summary: If only I had known this when an affair touched my life...
Review: It is almost inevitable that there will come a time when an affair touches each of our lives. It may happen to you, to your spouse, to a close friend, or to a family member. Being able to make an informed decision about what to do will be critical to you... and this book will make that possible.
Rating:
Summary: Would that it were so
Review: What's the difference between marriage and living together? Well, let's see: ". . . for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, so long as we both shall live."Marriage takes relationships out of the realm of consumer services--"I'll stay with you as long as the product meets my liking"--and puts them into the realm of moral commitment. For all her good intentions, Staheli puts marriage back into the realm of consumer services. I guess therapists just don't understand ethics--everything has to be self-interest. You affair-proof your marriage by making yourself essential to your spouse's self-interest, basically. Good luck, I guess--but what's the point? The point of marriage, I thought, was that your partner would stick by you in good times and bad--not just when you're boosting their self-esteem. Speaking of which, Staheli seems not to know the massive, conclusive research literature showing that, in fact, self-esteem does NOT correlate with behavior. So keep on boosting your partner's self-esteem, if you want--and I think that's a good thing to do, just because it's nicer--but don't think that will cause any particular behavior. This book contains some good tips on relationships, but it betrays little understanding either of the ethics--and whole point--of marriage, or of current research. The notion that you can "affair proof" your mariage is just superstition, and this book provides nice superstitious procedures that let you believe you can protect yourself--that is, things you can do to create an illusion of control, which nonetheless actually give you none. Whether your spouse chooses infidelity as a way of making him or herself feel good is simply beyond your control. What makes marriage an ethical commitment? You and your partner promise to put each other's interests, and the welfare of the relationship, above your own, rather than seeking self-interest primarily. You can't make your partner keep that promise by turning yourself into a meeting-his-interest-machine. Love your spouse as best you can--but don't suffer the illusion that this affair-proofs your marriage. And if an affair is committed, don't think it's because you forgot, in essence, to knock wood.
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