Why Men Leave: Men Talk About Why They Decided to End the Relationship--And What Might Have Changed Their Minds

Rating:
Summary: Great book, but don't make same mistake ...
Review: Although the tag line "...And What Might Have Changed Their Minds" misleadingly implies that this book contains the magic power to resurrect a doomed relationship, be aware that the "turnaround procedure" seems to be little more than a ...gimmick tacked on to an otherwise strong book. The real value of this book is to (a) teach women to recognize a doomed relationship early enough to move on without squandering their time, energy and sense of self-worth, and (b) reassure women that they didn't do anything "wrong" - if he's not ready for a commitment, no amount of love/work/wishful thinking can change that. Why Men Leave is chock full of informative, entertaining, helpful comments from real guys who aren't editing what they say to suit a girlfriend/wife/female friend, and that makes it well worth reading.

One important word of caution: Don't fall into the same trap as the author! The most consistent message from the men in the book is "Please listen to what we *actually say*! Don't assume we see things the same way you do, because we don't. If we don't say something explicitly, we don't mean it." The author understands this well enough to discuss it in the abstract, but when she talks about specifics she consistently breaks her own rule, with comments like "Of course Luke *should* have realized that..." or "*Naturally* Diane assumed that Frank would eventually pop the question...." ...

Rating:
Summary: An Illuminating Experience
Review: Dr. Shoshanna has written a book filled with insight (sometimes alarmingly so) of the way men who leave think about themselves and the women they are attracted to. Directly from their own words I came to understand that some men covet their fantasies so much that they could not possibly be in a real relationship. Other men express how their pain from past experiences keeps them so defended they could not be present either. Some men prefer adventure and others want to recapture the energy from their past. She has covered a wide range of perspectives.

One thing women can learn from this book is that what they did and who they are is probably not to blame for why men leave them. It's more likely that they unknowingly pick men who were never really their in the first place. By reading this book they can begin to recognize these men before getting too involved and save themselves the pain.

Men can learn to understand their own feelings better, help them through rough spots and gain insight when they are tempted to leave a good relationship or tempted to stay in a bad one.

Dr. Shoshanna's insights and commentary along the way help to clarify the pattern. And she offers helpful suggestions to women and men in a particular situation or working with a certain pattern.

This is a unique presentation of men's thinking and feeling. I found it fascinating. I read it from cover to cover.

Rating:
Summary: These guys are losers...
Review: I bought this book hoping it could help explain why my boyfriend, after 3 years, decided that he simply was "unhappy" and wanted to break up.
I enjoyed some of Dr. Shoshanna's other insights into communication but this book was way off for me. It seems like she took the extreme case scenarios when most of the time things and reasons are way more subtle. I could not relate my situation to any of the men or women in the book and if a lot of people can, then that is trully sad.
I was with a man that was genuinly a great person and treated me well, always good to me, but had his own self esteem issues which permeated into the relationship. He had a difficult past and bad relationships that left him scared and i think unable to really commit for fear.
Anyhow if your guy did you wrong, if you had a emotionally abusive relationship or if you were playing mind games with eachother this book is for you! Otherwise you may need insights from a more subtle observationist

Rating:
Summary: A good '5th or 6th book to read' about relationships
Review: This book is not good or bad, just this one of the number of books out there talking about man & woman relationships, nothing groundbreaking. The approach of the book is a bit mixed, based on the Freud and Jung school of psychology. There is nothing bad with that, just to my experience, transactional analysis and/or behavior analysis is way more efficient to describe the relationships of couples. To me, the big difference between these schools is that while Freud and Jung were focused more on psychologically sick people, transactional analysis has more to say for everyday people who just have their average problems of relationships. You can really feel this difference in the book, as the examples shown are more 'extreme' than typical. Then again, there's nothing wrong with that, just it is of less practical use for everyday, healthy people.
To start to explore this area, I would rather read books from Allan Pease, which sound light and funny for the first read, but are of more practical use in your everyday life. Then I would go for books of Deborah Tannen on men & women communications, which help to understand a lot about what, why and how your partner tells/talks. If you still have energy, and want to improve on the long term and understand things at a deeper level, go for the excellent Mars & Venus series of John Gray PhD, or even some more advanced psychology books in Transactional Analysis (Thomas Gordon, Eric Berne, Carl Rogers). Then, if you still have time and effort, then is a good idea to read this book of B. Shoshanna.
The situations, the approach and conclusions of this book are OK to me; however you need some reading background, some kind of 'good attitude' to adequately interpret its findings. I think this book is really not a practical guide that you can 'read & use'; rather it just fits well in the big picture and is a very good book for after thinking as 'yet another aspect on the subject'.

Rating:
Summary: A Fantastic and Practical Book.
Review: This is a fantastic book. It never blames men for leaving. In fact, one of the core messages of the book is about "putting an end to blaming".

To the "disgusted" reader from disgusted USA who wrote the nasty review - Unfortunately, many people are not so blessed as to have what you have, and need guidance, support and advice. It seems that you are looking a gift horse in the mouth by lacking such humility, and trying to make others feel ashamed for not having yet found a loving relationship.

WHY MEN LEAVE is a serious analytical case study of many relationships from the male point of view, and why they did and did not work. The author is obviously an astute psychologist who has extensive real world experience. I found the exercises and step by step guidance provided by Dr. Shoshanna to be extremely insightful, practical and powerful in helping me establish the healthist relationship of my life. Thank you Dr. Shoshanna. I highly recommend this book in support of all the readers out there who still seek a loving relationship and the guidance needed to get there.

Rating:
Summary: These guys are losers...
Review: This wonderful book on male/female relationships has helped more than anything I've ever read. It is respectful of both men and women and contains a wide group of people interviewed. In addition there are many experts quoted in this book. Many top doctors and psychologists have joined in. There is never anything disrespectful in the book. The review which said that there was a man talking about being brutal and including other sexual references is just a complete lie and hoax. There is nothing in the book like this. This book has helped many. It will also help you.

Rating:
Summary: An engrossing and profound experience.
Review: To be brief, I now have an understanding of relationships I never had before. I highly recommend this book to both men and women who are involved in, or have been involved in a serious relationship. Thank you Dr. Shoshanna.