When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend

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Summary: a very helpful little book!! must read!!
Review: Having lost a child recently, I wish everyone would read this book! At times like this, nobody really ever knows what to say. As a result, people often end up saying things that are hurtful or offensive to grieving parents. This book will help the reader know what to say and what NOT to say to grieving friends. If in doubt, especially with men, perhaps the most sensitive thing to do is to say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you like to talk about __?" Then take your cues from the grieving parent. You just might be surprised to see his/her eyes light up and a smile come to his/her face. I would highly recommend that copies of this book be placed in every funeral parlor, hospital, and church. It's a gem! Please read it BEFORE you need it.

Rating:
Summary: a very helpful little book!! must read!!
Review: I liked the book up until page 20. I was so hurt I couldn't read beyond that point in her book.I am a mother of three boys and I am a mother of three babies taken to heaven before their birth. I bought the book because a friend of mine lost her 17 year old son within weeks of my baby dying. My friend and I have another friend who is always saying things in a hurtful way and I was going to send this book to her.

On page 20 the author makes a reference about how a dog dying isn't the same as a child loss and then in the next paragraph says that a misscarriage is sad and even heartbreaking but not the same as losing a child. That cut through me like a knife. I felt my baby girl kicking in my belly, I saw her waving and I have pictures of her. My baby was a child and my other two babies that I lost were children. Even God recognizes them in Psalms, He has their days planned out before they are even formed in their mothers womb. My future did lie with my babies. My daughter was 4 1/2 months gestation when she died. A very real family member in my eyes. I don't have the strength to help this author understand that my miscarried children were children and I would have given anything to of met them atleast for one day. I will meet my babies someday and raise them in a perfect world when I get to heaven. We were all 4 1/2 months gestational in our mother's womb, does that mean we are more important because we were born and our babies weren't? This author on page 19 says "Why would anyone ever want to compare the severity of grief? Who ever knows how the loss feels to the person grieving?" Then on the very next page she compares the grief of mothers who have babies taken to heaven before they are born. I don't understand this. My heart is broken for any parent who loses a child and I agree until it happens to you, you can never truly know how it feels but I truly feel the pain of anyone who loses children at any STAGE of life. I was truly hurt by this book and I will be sending it back. When I saw this book, I thought, good, a way to help friends understand how our dreams, our future, and the life we planned for our babies, and how we feel we were cheated out of all of the above when our babies died. My three boys talk about their sister all of the time. My miscarried babies are real family members to us. Julane, I am sorry for your lose of Darren but please take your own advice on how to be thoughtful to all kinds of parents who lose their children. May God Bless you.

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Summary: Helpful Reading
Review: In a society where we feel we must have 'all the answers' Julane shows us we do not. When a child dies, the best comfort is being a friend who listens while providing a shoulder to cry on. Cliches are to be avoided. This is the book to buy to teach one how to comfort a friend who has suffered the worst loss, the death of a child.

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Summary: A primer on how to be a good friend!
Review: The recent shootings of high school students at Columbine High School in Denver, Colorado prompted me to take a hard look at books that could help friends and relatives of those families cope with the loss of their children. Grant's small book "When Your Friend's Child Dies" stands out. At first glance, the reader is thinking "of course, that's what anyone should do." But the question is "Why don't we do and say what is in our hearts?" Grant's answer is right on--we are afraid of causing our friend more pain and too embarrassed to show our own emotions.

It is precisely at a time like the death of a friend's child when we should throw all caution to the wind and risk letting our friend know how much we care. Grant's list of the 10 things never to say, and her insight into the small, everyday thoughtful things we can do on an ongoing basis are worth their weight in gold.

Her book is all the more relevant as she covers the anger a parent feels when a child dies as a result of a violent act or senseless carelessness. The parents of those high school students will need compassion, support, and friends as they struggle with their loss in a very public place. Grant's suggestions for helping your friend through his or her anger are unique and thoughtful.

It shouldn't take catastrophes like the one at Columbine to remind us that every child's death is a tragedy. Although Grant wrote this book for friends and families of parents who've lost a child, I think parents will benefit equally. She's captured the pain and sorrow in the heart of every parent who has lost a child.

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Summary: Do's and Don'ts
Review: This is a wonderful little book for people who have a friend who has lost a child but has not lost one themselves. It tells all the important do's and don'ts. One thing I would like to recommend is that you know your friend and don't take all this "advice" so literal. I have one friend that does not want to have other parents tell her how their children are doing in all their activities. It is still so painful for her to hear these things with it being so sudden after her son's death. Practice sensitivity and know that the pain of lossing a child is the greatest of all.

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Summary: Right-on advice to helping a friend cope with childloss
Review: This little book has packed within its pages, marvelous advice. So many of us either find ourselves coping with childloss or attempting to assist someone else who has lost a child. It is a well written, most helpful guide to both those in bereavement and to those helping a friend cope with the loss of a child. The author, a bereaved parent, so well expresses how hurtful it is to hear typical phrases from those who are well-meaning, though so wrong in their approach. It is an excellent read and an on-hand reference that everyone should have BEFORE the need arises. What a wonderful, anytime gift for anyone! Bravo, Julane Grant!

Rating:
Summary: Right-on advice to helping a friend cope with childloss
Review: This little book has packed within its pages, marvelous advice. So many of us either find ourselves coping with childloss or attempting to assist someone else who has lost a child. It is a well written, most helpful guide to both those in bereavement and to those helping a friend cope with the loss of a child. The author, a bereaved parent, so well expresses how hurtful it is to hear typical phrases from those who are well-meaning, though so wrong in their approach. It is an excellent read and an on-hand reference that everyone should have BEFORE the need arises. What a wonderful, anytime gift for anyone! Bravo, Julane Grant!

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Summary: Good book, but.......
Review: Use this book as a guide, but do remember that people are all different and what is ok for one grieving parent may not be acceptable to another. Juliane Grant says it's comforting to a grieving parent to hear their child's name. I have a friend who lost his daughter in a very tragic accident and to him, hearing her name is the equivalent of ripping a scab off a wound. It just hurts him too much.