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Rating: 
Summary: Too Simple
Review: Bader fails to find a way to communicate complex psychoanalytic theory to the general reader. In this way his book works neither as theory nor self-help. This is not to say it's without useful ideas, only that they are not presented effectively for either therapist or general reader.
Rating: 
Summary: Overly Simplistic
Review: I found "Arousal" to be a fascinating analysis of sexual fantasies. Through the use of case studies - the feminist whose biggest turn-on was the idea of being be raped by a custodian, the man whose fantasies involved turning invisible, the fellow who imagined having sex with a bubbly, underage highschool student, and many more - Bader ably demonstrates how a psychoanalyst who is sensitive and open-minded might go about understanding the genesis of a patient's sexual fantasies and turning these insights into something of therapeutic benefit. Each of the fantasies profiled has a very logical premise that Bader explains clearly and believably. For instance, the feminist fantasized about being raped because she felt stronger than most men, and only in the arms of the fantasy rapist - who was all muscles and ruthless about taking what he wanted - could she just think about herself and surrender to her own excitement. With her own husband, she didn't feel nearly as comfortable about being selfish sexually (she was instinctively sensitive to his feelings), and thus didn't experience the same level of arousal as in her fantasies. Bader makes an interesting distinction - between people who have fantasies, and people who act on their fantasies. I would have enjoyed seeing him go into greater detail in this area. However, his explorations regarding the background of various common fantasies - domination, submission, masochism, sadism, fetishism, underage, invisibility (and myriad others) - more than make up for this lapse. This book is wonderful for anyone who is curious about the underpinnings of their fantasies, or who is interested in how a psychoanalyst might dissect those same fantasies (and then put that understanding to work). The book is fascinating, provocative and well worth checking out.
Rating: 
Summary: At last, answers that take the shame out
Review: I had always been ashamed of my secret wants in intimate relationships--now I understand why I have them, what they mean and most importantly I no longer feel the shame I associated with them. AROUSAL should be required reading before someone starts dating or enters a sexual relationship. I wish I had this guide in college.
Rating: 
Summary: Enriching exploration of a little-understood topic
Review: The thesis of "Arousal" is that psychological safety is the basis of the bewildering variety of sexual fantasies and preferences -- that the self sets up circumstances in which it feels safe to experience the power of its own sexuality. The way in which each of us does this differs according to our backgrounds. Our relationships with our parents are particularly important -- the elements and experiences in those relationships that made us feel safe or unsafe emotionally directly affect the way we experience our sexuality.
Thus, we can interpret sexual fantasies just as we interpret dreams: as symbols within which our complex needs and fears are encoded.
This book presents an enlightening perspective from which we can begin to understand our own sexual fantasies and preferences. Dr. Bader goes in-depth in exploring guilt, worry, and shame in sexuality; discusses the paradoxical nature of arousal -- the need for both selflessness and selfishness, for instance -- and presents a number of case studies to illustrate.
I'm not certain why other reviewers thought this book was too simplistic. Certainly the central thesis seems simple enough, but I found myself having difficulty following the internal logic of the patients in his case studies -- women who fantasize about being raped, cross-dressers, people who are into sadomasochism or "golden showers," etc. Although everyone seeks emotional safety, the variety of ways each person achieves this is staggering.
As someone who constantly searches for aids to my self-awareness, I had two basic reactions to this book. One was, "Duh, why didn't I think of this before?" The other was, "Wow, this is good stuff." To have an experienced therapist explore the topic in detail helped me to see the depth and complexity of what seems to be very simple on the surface, and provides a solid starting point for those who want to explore the issue more in-depth within themselves.
Rating:
Summary: Overly Simplistic
Review: This book was so simplistic. I was quite disappointed. You get the impression his main goal was simply to reassure people that they are normal after all. A worthy goal, but when discussing something as complex as sexual fantasies I really think one should try to pursue things to their limit. He really held back from delving into any dark territory. His explanations for why someone enjoys certain things left out quite a bit. He always managed to put a happy, positive spin on everything, which is nice, but life isn't that simple.
Rating:
Summary: don't bother
Review: This book was way too simplistic. And, frankly, I just thought he was downright wrong in a few cases. Try The Erotic Mind for a book that is a lot more intelligent on this matter.
Rating:
Summary: Fun and Informative!
Review: this is one hellofa read. It should be on everyone's nightstand!
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