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Summary: Everything Dr.Schartz Knows About Love And Sex Is Wrong
Review: Dr. Pepper Schartz states in her book "Everything You Know About Love And Sex Is Wrong" that most women say they don't like pornography. But she concludes that because women become aroused while watching pornography that maybe they really aren't being honest.If sexual responsiveness is proof that women like certain activities, then perhaps it IS true when women say they don't like to be raped they're not really being honest. And when children respond sexually to their molesters' touch and penetration, they really do like the violation of their bodies. She advises couples to make use of XXX pornographic videos and then tells women they shouldn't fake pleasure. This is dangerous advice. When men view paid porn actresses faking pleasure in a totally unnatural and unreal manner, they expect their partners to do the same. If women can't or won't act as well as the paid porn stars, then the men are very likely to respond with abuse and violence. Faking pleasure is NOT good in a healthy relationship, but it is a survival technique in an abusive relationship. And using porn with women who don't like pornography is a clear sign of an abusive relationship. I don't know what Dr. Schartz learned about love and sex , but I learned the correct principles of chastity before marriage and fidelity after marriage. Having followed these principles has led to peace and happiness in my life and marriage that Dr. Schartz may never know. As a domestic violence therapist, I daily work with people who would seem to be faithful disciples of Dr. Schartz. And I can say without doubt that by following the principles she teaches, these men and the women they beat are utterly miserable. Dr. Schartz is peddling dangerous and sick sexual ideas to our society. Looking at the state of our society, that would seem to be most appropriate. I'm sure she's got a best seller here. Brett Wilcox M.Ed, Licensed Professional Counselor, Domestic Violence Therapist
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Summary: Insightful and informative antidote to old puritanical ideas
Review: Dr. Schwartz does a great job of picking out 25 ideas about relationships and presenting informed views of why they may not necessarily be right for everyone. For example, we are taught in movies, our friends, and possibly even our parents that we will always know who "the one" is when we see them, or to date only people who you think are marriage potential when you want to get serious. She describes the "instant love" feeling as mostly a hormonal reaction to a quality you might see in the "one" that you desire and appreciate...and also cites that if you date people you know you won't marry, you would loosen up, be more relaxed, and learn something about yourself you never would have otherwise with a person who only fits your "type". I was quite surprised when I read the view by Dr. Wilcox on how men will beat up on women who don't show pleasure during sex. I know a number of counselors (because my mother works with people in the field), and every one of them has said that abuse is rarely if ever about sex, it is more about power and control. It was not Dr. Schwarz's entire point in this book to say that women must like porn because they get aroused, she merely offers womens responses to XXX videos as a different viewpoint and relationship possibility, the same as she does with the other points she cites. I can personally vouch that I and my girlfriend love erotica, both in book and film form, and often use it as a way to enhance our healthy sex life. And I don't expect my partner to act as porn actresses do and feel pleasure every time, and if she doesn't I don't become violent...instead it gives us more an opportunity to talk and touch and cuddle. We're both intelligent enough to know that XXX movies are fantasy based and used for imagery and not as guidelines or instruction aids. I recommend this book to anyone who feels like something is "missing" from their relationship...it gives a good reassurance that they are not alone in their feelings and that human emotions are as varied as individuals...and it is not wrong to feel in the way she describes, and possibly not even wrong to act on the feelings if you choose to...but again, this is only a viewpoint book, not advice-giving or instruction (much like XXX films are viewpoints on fantasy sex).
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Summary: a great relationship book
Review: Having read this book and the review by John Guttman, I cannot agree with the points made in opposition to the conclusion of Dr, Schwartz. First, the education of sexual issues is, indeed, erroroneous for most adults and relates to the sexual values of our parents, not ourselves. For the most part, I found the book to be honest and daring in trying to illustrate the difficulties of engaging in sexual relationships. I believe the style of Dr.Schwartz is agressive, thought provoking and new age in terms of our sexual evolution. She takes us to places wehre we cannot go alone.....and makes us feel at ease about this exploration. Unlike Dr. Guttman, sexual experiences lead us to an educational process that helps the developement of character and soul and causes us to feel comefort with issues regarding sex, sex play, sexual preference and sexual dysfunction. It is all a part of the Sexual scheme of life. I believe this is an excellent book for understanding the sexuality of human character.
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Summary: A fun, thought-provoking read.
Review: I loved this book. Pepper Schwartz pulls no punches and isn't afraid of any topic. Once you pick this book up, it's almost impossible to set it down. Schwartz challenges some of our basic assumptions of what makes a relationship work--and she wipes off all the romantic gloss so we can function more easily. What makes this book so much fun is, you don't have to agree with everything she writes. But by going for the jugular, Schwartz asks us to challenge everything we think. This is a great gift for the reader. Schwartz has a zippy, fun, unpretentious style. It's an invigorating read. Never once to you feel the pace lessen or that Schwartz takes her foot off the accelerator. She illustrates her points with an invigorating mix of her own anectdotes and stories of others. Obviously, Schwartz had a ton of fun exploring these myths--and so do we as we follow her mind at work. Enjoy!
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Summary: Dr Pepper hits the relationship nail on the head.
Review: It seems that from the time we are very young we start to develop ideas of what love, marriage and relationships should be like. Generally, it is not that we actually see those relationships but through the influence of media, family and friends we are taught that the ideal relationship contains certain particular traits and anything less is not good enough. Schwartz looks at twenty-five myths about relationships and how they keep you from achieving a happy and contented relationship. Some of the myths she challenges are holy grails of what relationships "should" be. For example, that your lover or mate should also be your best friend.
I don't agree with everything she says but she has compelling arguments for her positions and encourages us to challenge our preconceptions to see if they fit for us. Not a deep book filled with psychological studies and analysis by any means, it is filled with practical advice and new ways to look at relationships. A recommended read for anyone with a history of relationship problems, entering into a new relationship or just questioning the values that they grew up with.
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Summary: Excellent Examination of Traditional Beliefs
Review: It seems that from the time we are very young we start to develop ideas of what love, marriage and relationships should be like. Generally, it is not that we actually see those relationships but through the influence of media, family and friends we are taught that the ideal relationship contains certain particular traits and anything less is not good enough. Schwartz looks at twenty-five myths about relationships and how they keep you from achieving a happy and contented relationship. Some of the myths she challenges are holy grails of what relationships "should" be. For example, that your lover or mate should also be your best friend.
I don't agree with everything she says but she has compelling arguments for her positions and encourages us to challenge our preconceptions to see if they fit for us. Not a deep book filled with psychological studies and analysis by any means, it is filled with practical advice and new ways to look at relationships. A recommended read for anyone with a history of relationship problems, entering into a new relationship or just questioning the values that they grew up with.
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Summary: Dr Pepper hits the relationship nail on the head.
Review: Not only is she a relationship expert but she knows how to write a captivating book and give you unique insight into your relationship, your partner and yourself. Having had the opportunity to meet her in person, I was thrilled to read her books ...
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Summary: Definitely for the over-60 set
Review: The author is glib and self-satisfied in telling the over-60 set that their old-fashioned mores about sex are... well, old-fashioned. If you have not been living in a cave for the last 20 years, all of the "pragmatism" in this book will sound like advice from the Mom in an after-school special. While I was not very chaste before marriage, I agree with the domestic abuse therapist on many points, especially where he intimates that it is this kind of book that allows unfaithful/abusive partners to justify their behavior. Most importantly, what Schwartz could learn from younger women who probably know a lot more about sex than she does, is that her advice confuses sex for a single person with sex for a committed person. She wants all her repressed married couples to adopt mores of the sexually open-minded 90's. Bad Advice. Nothing wrong with a little experimentation if you're single. When you are committed, it's a whole different situation and I don't think the same rules apply.
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