Undefended Love: The way that you felt about yourself when you first fell in love is the way that you can feel all the time

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful! A must-read book!
Review: "To receive and offer unconditional love, we must become undefended and unconditional lovers" write authors and visionaries Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons. How to achieve the trust, intimacy and strength to drop one's defenses and "...resurface from our protected hiding place and come into direct contact with ourselves and our partners" is the vital subject of Undefended Love.

Here is the means to recognize the complex ways we protect ourselves emotionally, and the tools to expand, not limit our ability to know and love one another. Utilizing a deep understanding of relationships, and case studies of many couples in transition, the authors map the way to success. We learn, "When we try to relate to our partners with our multiple layers of protective padding in place, it is as if we are trying to hug them through ten layers of overcoats. Our outer layers may meet, but our longing to be deeply connected remains unfulfilled."

When we shed these mantles of protection we become more capable of being nonreactive, openhearted and loving in our relationships. Authors Psaris and Lyons show us how to do this by eliminating the preoccupations we substitute for relationships, determining what it is we really want, and dissolving our defenses.

Undefended Love teaches us that, "Instead of trying to maintain a sense of harmony by limiting who we are, we embrace our partners as intimate allies." What a splendid goal because it leads to the discovery that we are all one vast, loving, universal heart. In this reviewer's opinion, Undefended Love is the roadmap to that goal, and the transformation to become whole!

Rating:
Summary: Finally....the way back to fully and actually loving
Review: All of my life I suspected that what I believed was and bore witness to as love wasn't really "it". Reading "Undefended Love" was a journey of discovery. Thank you Jett and Marlena for gracing me with your vision. I've never read anything that so clearly explores and reaches a depth of understanding where love truly resides. The truth, richness and fullness of life that is possible with what you have set forth is such a gift. You have gently and lovingly illuminated a path forward to self-disclosure and compassion.....where love begins and has always been.

Rating:
Summary: Finally....the way back to fully and actually loving
Review: All of my life I suspected that what I believed was and bore witness to as love wasn't really "it". Reading "Undefended Love" was a journey of discovery. Thank you Jett and Marlena for gracing me with your vision. I've never read anything that so clearly explores and reaches a depth of understanding where love truly resides. The truth, richness and fullness of life that is possible with what you have set forth is such a gift. You have gently and lovingly illuminated a path forward to self-disclosure and compassion.....where love begins and has always been.

Rating:
Summary: A psychotherapist's goldmine.
Review: I have been a couples therapist for more than twenty years, and have never felt satisfied with the efficacy of existing approaches. In my clinical opinion, the Undefended Love model is the most exciting development in the field. I have never seen such a sensitive, compelling, respectful process. What Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons have done in less than 200 pages is present a comprehensive theory of human development, describe the personality as an intricate self-defense structure, and delineate the ways our distorted beliefs about ourselves create identities that hide our vulnerability as we present ourselves to the world and even to those to whom we feel close.

The ways in which these resulting structures prevent us from being able to sustain an intimate bond are discovered by way of a series of questions and processes which lead us to the only source of transformation, ourselves.

Their model addresses human beings on every level, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and regardless of where the individual is in their life, the processes steadily lead the person closer to the undefended self.

Their concepts are original and arresting: essential self, cracked identity, compensatory identity. The simplicity of their techniques for guiding individuals and couples into their internal landscape belies the power that they possess to bring a person to self-discovery and self-responsibility. The arrow is artfully turned from outside to inside, the road to intimacy, first with self, then with the other.

Psaris and Lyons provide the reader with the means to explore themselves and their relationships in a way that gently expands their capacity to create fulfilment. I highly recommend this book to mental health professionals and to anyone interested in the human condition. And, all of this wisdom is wrapped in beautiful language. It is a treasure, and a pleasure to read.

Gerda K.Young, Ph.D.

Rating:
Summary: This is the Real Thing
Review: I saw this book on display while browsing through a bookstore several years ago and bought it for a friend who was struggling with her marriage. Then a week later I felt compelled to go back and buy a copy for myself. It's rather strange - I haven't read the entire book through yet, just chapters here and there. Its confronting, so I find myself procrastinating at all costs, even though I know its the most important information there is. It is one of the top 3 books I have in terms of significance to me (my other two major books are "A Course in Miracles" and "Power of Now"). This book is about what my life is for and what my marriage is for. Every time I read a few pages of the book I start to cry, just out of sheer happiness that someone is getting it right, that the book is even in existence! I am deeply grateful to the authors - thank you for this gift.

Rating:
Summary: Undefended Love: A Fascinating Book
Review: Is the human species ever going to evolve? Are we ever going
to learn to love? The book, Undefended Love, inspires me to think
that it is now possible. Authors, Psaris and Lyons, do an amazing
job of synthesizing psychology and spirituality. They explain
how we all confuse love with getting our needs met and feeling
good about ourselves. We may feel close but we are not necessarily experiencing others and ourselves at a meaningful level. The authors take us on a journey that goes deep into our essence, a place inside each of us where we are vital and wise and strong. It's not a place that we have easy access too. This is not a quick fix or an easy road. But once you get the hang of it, it becomes a spiritual resting place where hurt and fear and anger can be held, experienced, accepted and finally resolved. Above all, it is a place of self-love.

Another stage of the journey involves taking off the padding
of defense that we have enveloped ourselves with. The interesting
part is that we think we don't do it. We're the exception. But we all do it. Psaris and Lyons won't let you off the hook.

They have found a way of taking all that psychology has learned
about personality development and showing us what tactics we use
to survive, to present ourselves socially, and to get our needs
met. Then they show us how to dissolve these aspects of ourselves, which are really separating us from people and from ourselves. Reading the book is a most fascinating experience as Psaris and Lyons take you step by step into these depths of self-
discovery (even for the well-initiated), leading us out of
disconnectedness from self and others and into a place where
life is most meaningful and alive.

Rating:
Summary: If a picture is worth a thousand words, here's a new view.
Review: This book is about how to navigate the waters of partnership and intimacy, with genuine and authentic guidance. Every page has gems worth highlighting, and wisdom so true, it deserves multiple readings. The brilliance, and simplicity of the invitation to return to your authentic self as a measure of your true expression, is not only practical, but essential for the survival of any relationship. If you know and have experienced closeness, but think there's more, you're right. This book shows you how closeness is only an imitation for the real deal: intimacy. Whether in partnership with another, or with your deeper self, reading this book is absolutely worth your time and energy. Buy two and give one to someone you love.

Rating:
Summary: Undefended Love is the Key to Intimacy
Review: THis is a straightforward, well written exploration of the hidden vulnerable selves that we protect and defend at the cost of our relattionships, happiness and sense of wholeness. The book reveals the way blaming others(our favorite passtime) keeps us locked in the jail of our minds, unable to get beyond the story we have invented about whjo we think we are and what we should have. This book explores the sheer power available in vulnerability and honesty, directing our attention to our inner world, in an uncovery process that will, if followed, change every relatyionship in our lives for the better. Unlike typical 'self help' books, this work is fresh, clear and makes no hyped-up promises about the ease and speed of the process. Getting yourself to put down your defenses is a worthwhile endeavor that requires guts, determination and the willingness to stay with all your thoughts and feelings rather than trying to stop, numb or repress them. This is a great book for anyone- teens just starting out, people looking for a mate and wondering why they always attract the same 'type', people having trouble in their relationships, those wanting to go deeper and increase intimacy and those married for years will all get something valuable from this book. I think a great companion book to this work is Practicing Radical Honsety by Brad Blanton. Both books are an invitation to go deeper, own responsibility for your own happiness and stay in direct contact with yourself and others while honesty and undefended love can create the joy and intimacy each and everyone of us want.

Rating:
Summary: A Masterwork
Review: This is one of THE great self help books. It is essential reading for anyone, even those not in a relationship. If you are interested in discovering your true self under all of the defenses and even under the injured person beneath the defenses, this book shows the way. This is a truly powerful work.

Rating:
Summary: Powerful Tools for Loving Relationships
Review: Undefended Love is far and above the best book on relationships I've ever read. As an experienced workshop leader on conflict resolution and empowering relationships, I find the many tools presented to be both practical and effective. If you are ready to take responsibility for your own life, and to take the risks involved in being truly authentic with both your partner and yourself, you will be very thankful to have this excellent guide at your side.