An Asperger Marriage

Rating:
Summary: Explanation without assistance
Review: First comment: Flog the editor. Perhaps the cumbersome and confusing writing-style was intentional; however, I fear that it was merely sloppy.
Second comment: Having AS myself, I was hoping for insights into coping and avoiding pitfalls. Instead, what I got was a chronicle of another couple's fumbles, stumbles and misunderstandings. I suppose the book lived up to its title; it never promised that it contained solutions or recommendations, merely that it was about An Asperger Marriage. I am still surprised by Tony Attwood's endorsement of this book.
Summary: If you want a peak into the lives of one "Asperger Marriage", this book may be for you. If, on the other hand, you're looking for advice and guidance, keep looking. (and let me know when you find it!)

Rating:
Summary: Explanation without assistance
Review: First comment: Flog the editor. Perhaps the cumbersome and confusing writing-style was intentional; however, I fear that it was merely sloppy.
Second comment: Having AS myself, I was hoping for insights into coping and avoiding pitfalls. Instead, what I got was a chronicle of another couple's fumbles, stumbles and misunderstandings. I suppose the book lived up to its title; it never promised that it contained solutions or recommendations, merely that it was about An Asperger Marriage. I am still surprised by Tony Attwood's endorsement of this book.
Summary: If you want a peak into the lives of one "Asperger Marriage", this book may be for you. If, on the other hand, you're looking for advice and guidance, keep looking. (and let me know when you find it!)

Rating:
Summary: Designed to help couples where only ONE is an "aspie"
Review: Many people around the world have found difficulties in a Asperger's marriage (if only one of the couple has it). This book identifies by specific example how the differences of thought processing and outlook on life can lead to total lack of communication and understanding between two well meaning individuals who actually do love each other.

Gisela and Chris write from their own personal experiences, and through their effort are attempting to show others that a marriage can succeed when an "aspie" (an individual with Asperger's Syndrome) marries a "non-aspie". They each write a short essay on the same subject--and by reading both essays, it is easy to see how the lack of common viewpoint causes problems in understanding. It is an excellent starting point for you and your spouse to discuss some of the problems that may be vexing your own marriage.

This book would not be educational for a marriage with 2 aspies, nor for one with 2 non-aspies. After all, that marriage has different problems, but none of the problems are caused by the aspie/non-aspie lack of understanding. The number of cases of identified Asperger's Syndrome world wide is greatly increasing, and there are many unsuspecting couples who are facing the AS problems that Chris and Gisela discuss. Perhaps this book will help you save your marriage??

Rating:
Summary: Helpful in a limited way
Review: My partner and I are both on the autistic spectrum, and we've been buying a number of books to help us be aware of the potential pitfalls we may face in our relationship. While "Asperger Marriage" is an interesting account of a couple in which one partner is autistic and the other is not, it should not be thought of as the type of "self-help" book that my girlfriend and I thought it was. Rather, those in such relationships would do better to regard it as an example of possible difficulties they themselves may be facing in their relationships, not as a source of guidance on how to address and overcome those difficulties. Provided the reader enters into the reading with that in mind, "Asperger Marriage" is a worthwhile book for those in similar relationships.

Rating:
Summary: How not to have *any* relationship, AS or otherwise!
Review: There are many great books about how to have a happy relationship with somebody on the autism spectrum -- just look up Patrick McCabe, Ashley Stanford, or Linda Holliday Willey to see a few. Sadly, unlike those, "Asperger Marriage" focuses almost entirely on the many ways that the AS guy has it drilled into his head that he is inferior, that he is not worthy enough to have his needs met, and that it does not matter if he is in outright pain as long as the "normal" people are happy.

It is mentioned that he is suicidally depressed, and it's no surprise -- nor is the sad reality that over the years he has been trained to believe he deserves no better. Knowing he has extremely sensitive hearing, his wife yells in his face; aware that he can't handle confrontation or chaos, she throws things. She deliberately sets up situations that are extremely stressful, confusing, or upsetting to him, then once again nastily tells him off and shows her disgust with him for showing even in the slightest of ways that he's bothered by those things. When others in society show their prejudice against the disabled, she makes it very clear that she is ashamed of him rather than of their bigotry! It's quite depressing, and I don't think that you have to be autistic to feel that treating another human being so callously is wrong.

Obviously there are difficulties and pitfalls in any relationship, but throwing things, name-calling, yelling, and vicious put-downs aren't exactly a great example to set for handling them. If anything, I'd say that being the first to write upon a topic of having a certain kind of disabled partner is even better reason to *not* hold verbal and physical violence towards them in high esteem.

Relationships are supposed to be an island of loving acceptance in a cold harsh world, and such an island is what we should all strive to give our partners, especially those that already have to struggle with a handicap in everyday life. It is what my partner has given me, and what I do my absolute best to give him. Unfortunately, "Asperger Marriage" has not been useful in pursuing this goal, as it can only give an idea of how *not* to treat our loved ones, regardless of what their neurology is.

Rating:
Summary: An Asperger Marriage
Review: WHY is this book good? Because like the first book dedicated to Asperger Marriage, Maxine Aston's "The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome," Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker have broken the barrier of the ring of "silence" surrounding partners' description of their own unique relationships in a "mixed marriage."

For anyone wishing to understand one couple's take on Asperger marriage, this book is a "must read." It is such a book not for the truth it depicts about AS, but for the process of frank communication and openness much needed in our culture of secrets about life-altering differences and the common phenomenon of late-life adult diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

WHY is this book important?

(1) It is important for readers to appreciate that mixed marriages exist, and they not only "survive" but thrive largely due to the open exchange of views between the partners. Because of the prevalence of Asperger Syndrome and a fifty-fifty chance that a primary relative is also somewhere on the autistic spectrum whenever a school child or young adult is "discovered," these "discoveries" come from somewhere. In most cases, AS children come from "mixed marriages."

(2) Within such marriages, especially where there are children, there are discrete, distinct voices waiting to be heard, each voice "speaking" from its owner's unique perspective. Disparaging those voices because they aren't harmonious is not respectful nor is it an intelligent kind of criticism.

On the cover of the book, the marriage band is not "broken." Some persons with AS will say, "My non-spectrum spouse is playing 'victim' and trying to change me or 'fix' me when I don't see a need to be changed. I am NOT broken!" In this book, Gisela and Chris offer a different perspective, revealing their frustration and discomfort as publicly to each other as they do to us, their readers. To bottle up such feelings works havoc on a marriage where both partners are trying to understand one another. For both partners to express themselves so openly is neither an act of abuse or disrespect. It is testimony to their courage and the faith they both share in the strength of their marriage.

Gisela is one of the founding members of ASPIRES. ... ASPIRES is
dedicated to supporting the open discussion of marital and couples' issues of AS couples for the purpose of greater understanding and enrichment of this special relationship.

Linda Newland, Co-Founder and list serv owner, ASPIRES
Roger N. Meyer, Co-Founder of ASPIRES and author, "Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook"

Rating:
Summary: An Asperger Marriage
Review: WHY is this book good? Because like the first book dedicated to Asperger Marriage, Maxine Aston's "The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome," Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker have broken the barrier of the ring of "silence" surrounding partners' description of their own unique relationships in a "mixed marriage."

For anyone wishing to understand one couple's take on Asperger marriage, this book is a "must read." It is such a book not for the truth it depicts about AS, but for the process of frank communication and openness much needed in our culture of secrets about life-altering differences and the common phenomenon of late-life adult diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

WHY is this book important?

(1) It is important for readers to appreciate that mixed marriages exist, and they not only "survive" but thrive largely due to the open exchange of views between the partners. Because of the prevalence of Asperger Syndrome and a fifty-fifty chance that a primary relative is also somewhere on the autistic spectrum whenever a school child or young adult is "discovered," these "discoveries" come from somewhere. In most cases, AS children come from "mixed marriages."

(2) Within such marriages, especially where there are children, there are discrete, distinct voices waiting to be heard, each voice "speaking" from its owner's unique perspective. Disparaging those voices because they aren't harmonious is not respectful nor is it an intelligent kind of criticism.

On the cover of the book, the marriage band is not "broken." Some persons with AS will say, "My non-spectrum spouse is playing 'victim' and trying to change me or 'fix' me when I don't see a need to be changed. I am NOT broken!" In this book, Gisela and Chris offer a different perspective, revealing their frustration and discomfort as publicly to each other as they do to us, their readers. To bottle up such feelings works havoc on a marriage where both partners are trying to understand one another. For both partners to express themselves so openly is neither an act of abuse or disrespect. It is testimony to their courage and the faith they both share in the strength of their marriage.

Gisela is one of the founding members of ASPIRES. ... ASPIRES is
dedicated to supporting the open discussion of marital and couples' issues of AS couples for the purpose of greater understanding and enrichment of this special relationship.

Linda Newland, Co-Founder and list serv owner, ASPIRES
Roger N. Meyer, Co-Founder of ASPIRES and author, "Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook"