Why Men Are the Way They Are

Rating:
Summary: A "must read" for women AND men
Review: Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.

The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.

ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.

Rating:
Summary: A "must read" for women AND men
Review: Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.

The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.

ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.

Rating:
Summary: read this book
Review: First introduced to Mr. Farrell's books at the age of 18 I responded with righteous indignation, "just a man making excuses" for his behavior and discarded the book. Now age 35 I have read every book he has written. His writings changed my relationship with myself (as a man), every man in my life (father, brothers grandfathers, friends and strangers) and woman in my life. I consider my vocabulary inadequate to accurately articulate the quality and integrity of Mr. Ferrell's thoughts and conclusions. Although many of Warren Farrell's ideas are contrary to common thinking --- 100 percent of his conclusions are consistent with my experience as a growing man. Purchase this book for yourself and all others that you love.

Rating:
Summary: read this book
Review: First introduced to Mr. Farrell's books at the age of 18 I responded with righteous indignation, "just a man making excuses" for his behavior and discarded the book. Now age 35 I have read every book he has written. His writings changed my relationship with myself (as a man), every man in my life (father, brothers grandfathers, friends and strangers) and woman in my life. I consider my vocabulary inadequate to accurately articulate the quality and integrity of Mr. Ferrell's thoughts and conclusions. Although many of Warren Farrell's ideas are contrary to common thinking --- 100 percent of his conclusions are consistent with my experience as a growing man. Purchase this book for yourself and all others that you love.

Rating:
Summary: Farrell's 2nd best book to date.
Review: I first read this book a dozen years ago (at about age 30), have a thoroughly marked-up and re-read copy, and can say that it articulated so many obvious truths about male-female dynamics which weren't part of the general cultural discussion then (or now) that it was the sort of total revelation that other reviewers write about here much more eloquently than I can. I had previously believed that I was light-years away from being the typical male (choose your term: jerk, loser, etc.), but gained valuable insights from the book into how the typical female regards men and why my inner qualities were irrelevant or seemed to work opposite to the way I'd expected based on listening to what women say -- which solved a major puzzle. The strength of this book is that it's based on observations of everday behavior and what people do, rather than what they say.

While many of the examples (Michael Jackson, the movie Flashdance, etc.) are a bit dated at this point, Farrell's observations were years ahead of even the radical evolutionary psychologists in coming around to the view that men, and male behavior generally, are basically the result of a breeding experiment run by women, not men. This is a liberating data-point for men, who have been alternately shamed, chided, and pitied by women unrelentingly for about two decades now.

While much of the men's movement has progressed to more of a focus on political issues (divorce and child custody in particular), and Farrell's subsequent "The Myth of Male Power" is a stronger refutation of the widespread allegations of rampant male privilege (read it next), "Why Men Are The Way They Are" is still about the best book written from a male-friendly perspective on courtship and basic relationship issues, exploding many myths about men and women, which can only be a good thing.

Rating:
Summary: Maybe the best study on men EVER!!!!
Review: I was first introduced to Warren Farrell when he was a featured speaker at a Tony Robbins NLP Certification seminar in 1989. The bulk of his presentation then is in this book which I think was just as powerful as John Gray's Mars-Venus material. Why Men Are the Way They Are is because Women Are the Way They Are which is the result of cultural conditioning by advertising and tradition. His examples are truly excellent and this book was one of my foundational resource..., but to those who seek innovative works in the relationship genre this is a classic gem.

Rating:
Summary: This book healed me.
Review: It is very difficult for me to summarize in this short review all of the many changes this book has provoked in my thinking. Here is a brief list: (1)After first reading it, I concluded that my focus upon penis/vagina intercourse was very harmful to me, as well as to my relations with women I date. I worked hard to change how I think about sex-play. It is now possible for me to cuddle with a woman I'm very sexually attracted to all night and not feel deprived, or at all irritated. A key insight Farrell gave me was that my preoccupation with that type of sex has been due to the acceptance it implies, and to the ending of a period of potential rejection that it implies (when it is the first time for me and the woman). Note: I needed over a year in order to make "mere cuddling" feel like "enough". It was tough, but very worth it. I'm now working on minimizing my preoccupation with how beautiful a woman is. This one is tougher! (2)Farrell's claims about extreme differences in how women are treated depending on how much beauty they have was a real "eye opener" for me. I very much needed to read about such differences, as a means to help me detect extreme differences in how different women think (dependent upon how much beauty they have). For example, I've discovered that if a woman is within the top 5 percent of what is generally regarded as beautiful, I must be very careful to avoid shy approaches, even if I am responding to obvious cues from the woman. E.g., such women often need to be assured that the male will pull them away from a jealous male in their life already. Also, they need to be assured that you, the male, are not mainly interested in a temporary sex thrill. I've also learned that such women are often incredibly spoiled, by how men have treated them in the past. (3)Before reading Farrell's insights I didn't realize how much women focus upon a man's earning power. Had I not read this book, I would have been completely unprepared for a "head spinning" change in my situation with women when I started a business four years ago. E.g. the number of women flirting with me went from two to sixty (during the first two years of operating the business). I got two marriage proposals "out of the clear blue" within the first three months. One was from a woman who had been unwilling to correspond with me by letter before learning about the business.

Rating:
Summary: So thought-provoking, but observe nothing has changed.
Review: This book, along with Farrell's companion 'The Myth of Male Power' is a revelation for any man who has not yet come to understand how the mating world works. I had already read a fair bit of this sort of thing (search the Net for the words Cash, Clothes, Confidence, Car, Castle, Credit, not as a phrase but include all six of the words), so I was not completely bowled over. But if you are new to this, wow. Eye-opening. Unfortunately, you will not improve your situation by discussing these insights, most especially with women. Farrell's courageous works (what middle-aged and older men know but have learned not to discuss) sold relatively well when published but the ideas have already faded from view for the most part. Feminists and politicians don't want to hear this sort of thing. If you're a man under thirty, you need to read this for self-protection if nothing else. If you're a woman, this book will help you to understand why the bachelor sector of Western nations is continually growing, and why those "commitmentphobes" are the way they are.

Rating:
Summary: great for gender relations
Review: This is an important book for both men and women to read. For men, it can help them to better understand who they are. For women, it will provide a way to better understand the men in their lives. Why men are the way they are provides coverage of important topics. It deals with why men act the way they do like thier preocuption with success and sex. In the last part of the book, reweaving masculanity, Farrell provides ways to better understand masculanity for both men and women. It shows some of the postive traits of masculanity as well as how to deal with men. In the part new sexism, Farrell provies a good account of how male bashing has come the topic of humor but female bashing has become sexist and why both are wrong.

Overall, it's a good for both genders to help each other.

Rating:
Summary: I will change the way I raise my kid because of this book
Review: This is an insightful, excellent book. The comments about the outdated examples it uses (movie Flashdance) are not not relevant, since the idea is totally in line with current times. In fact, the media is even more sexist today and the fact that all girls want to be models now is a fact that reinforces the ideas of the book about the use of beauty by girls to have power.
Teenager boys in particular are in a position where they suffer a lot, since 13 year-old girls are now the idolization of beauty and of what is desirable in our culture. Teenage boys, on the other hand, are labeled as insensitive little jerks on the making. They don't have the power girls have and grow up confused and afraid. Sometimes they turn to be jerks because that's the only defense they have.
I want my boy to grow up as a sensitive, strong young man, but for this to happen he must understand the dynamics of boys-girls interactions and its traps. I will tell him to be sensitive to the power of beauty some girls have, and to focus on his qualities and his life until he finds a girl who loves him by who he is and not because he performs well and will make her life easier. Of course, another important thing is to tell him to look beyond beauty when relating to a girl.
Great, great book. Indispensable.