The Good Marriage : How and Why Love Lasts

Rating:
Summary: Fascinating for single people, too
Review: Every couple can build a good marriage! It is a valuable book for those getting married as well as for couples that have been married for long time. With wife we use the structure of developmental phases from this book as a framework for lectures that we give at "Precana", a short course for couples getting married with the main message:You can make your marriage work,These are the steps.

Rating:
Summary: recommended with reservations
Review: I approached this book with some skepticism, but I found it to be an interesting and relatively quick read. Wallerstein seems to have carefully done her research, asking insightful questions and inspiring interesting discussions not only with those she happens to be interviewing but also between the spouses as well. Her categories for the marriages (romantic, rescue, companionate and traditional) were interesting, and she made it clear that many marriages' characteristics draw from the different areas. However, although romantic and rescue marriages seemed to apply to couples of all ages, companionate and traditional marriage categorizations were strongly dependent upon the age of the spouses. Not surprisingly, companionate marriages were nearly universally between people in their 30s, and traditional marriages between those older. Clearly, the expectations of a person when entering a marriage will help determine what kind of marriage it will be, and I don't think t! his was adequately addressed in the book. It would have been interesting to read an in-depth discussion on whether the definition of "good" had changed over time.

Rating:
Summary: Informative, valuable and readable book
Review: I experience my midlife crisis which can potential end up in divorce. The author describe marital problem in the first 100 pages as if she describes my OWN problems (and my wife's) For example: one must loosen the tie with your parents to perserve one's own marriage.

Another thing that I learn from friends who marry for 15 years or more and from this book is that--no lasting marriage is a fairy tale, all have problems. Differences between lasting marriage and divorce is that one must identify and solve problems before they get out of control

Well researched, packed with practical facts, and easy to read book. Recommend without reservation

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful
Review: I think the best thing I got out of this book was the notion that happy marriages are not the exclusive domain of people who had happy, carefree childhoods. Wallerstein's message that the love two people experience in a marriage can be a healing, transforming love was a very hopeful message for those who come from broken and/or abusive homes. I also thought the characteristics of a happy marriage were nicely elucidated by the stories of the real-life couples, their good times, trials and tribulations.

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Summary: Very Good Research
Review: I was very pleased with this book. I felt like it was pretty much right on. I am one of those in a companionate marriage, that has tettered on divorce a couple of times. It has been very difficult keeping it together. The most desireable of marriages and it seemed the most happy was the romantic catogory of Marriage. If I ever decide to leave this marriage after 30 yrs, that will be the type I will look for in a relationship. Too much emotional emptiness in the compantionate marriage.

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Summary: We could surely use more studies like this one
Review: The authors bring a rather unusual perspective to the study of marriage -- rather than examining how it has failed or is failing, they examine how marriage can succeed. The book provides a commendable example of a study focusing on success instead of failure. The authors first define a successful marriage, then discuss nine principles common to any good marriage and use several couples as case studies to illustrate and personalize these principles. The book uses a rather small, homogenous, and politically incorrect sample -- nearly all couples were selected by the authors and were lily-white, heterosexual, reasonably honest and cheerful Americans. Of course, many ground-breaking and valid scientific studies have successfully used such small, homogenous and politically incorrect cohorts. The book is not a cross-cultural study, an historical analysis, or a "how-to" guide for "making marriage work," and those whose marriages are in trouble may not find this book much of a substitute for self-analysis or competent counseling.

Since history began, in nearly all societies, marriage has successfully survived despite never-ending pressures from those who have sought to abolish, revolutionize, over-idealize, or trivialize it. Marriage has proven flexible, durable, and critically important to individuals and to societies. Nevertheless, individuals and societies should frequently re-examine and re-explore marriage if they are to gain the most benefits from it -- marriage and success are verbs as well as nouns. Marriage and the family certainly need attentive examination today, since they remain under tremendous stresses from those who wish to change (or destroy) them and from forces causing them to fail at an increasing rate.

The authors have given us a fine example of such an examination. They write remarkably well (no surprise, given Ms Blakeslee's wonderful columns in the NY Times Science Section, which first drew me to this book). They relate how marriage can be enriching, empowering, dynamic, transformative, redemptive, and positive (I found myself cheering on one of the subjects whose marriage succeeded despite enormous psychological problems dating from his childhood). As the husband of a wife whose parents had a successful marriage, as the child of a successful marriage, and as a member of a thirty-three year old successful marriage, I found the principles outlined in this book to be reasonably accurate and helpful. No book could be the last word, but this one is a fine place to start.

Rating:
Summary: A readable study of what makes a marriage "good".
Review: The authors of "The Good Marriage" have broken new ground.Instead of offering criteria on how to identify a badmarriage, Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee have discovered through their pilot study the secrets of a good marriage. In this very well written book, the authors conclude there are four types of marriages and nine tasks that must be completed in order to have a good marriage. The reader is allowed inside the couple's marriages as the authors interview Matt and Sara, Helen and Keith, Fred and Marie and others. I began reading this book with much skeptiscm. I was convinced these couples were deluding themselves - no marriage can be truly good for any extended period of time. But I was wrong, although each couple admitted bad times in their marriages there remained enough romance to carry them through. I recommend this book to any adult who really wants to know how a successful marriage can be a dream-come-true.

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful book
Review: What caught my eye about this ingrossing and captivating book began on page 20 where the author is describing a variety of couples she has interviewed for her study and that while each of them is unique and in some place 180 opposite is that "I realized then that each of these marriages was a different world, a sovereign country unto itself. Rather than a single archetype of happy marriage, I found many different kinds. Like a richly detailed tapestry, each relationship was woven from strands of love, friendship, sexual fulfillment, nurture, protection, emotional security, economic responsibility, and co-parenting. But the patterns in the marital weave varied, and gradually I began to see several distinctive types. I learned that at the heart of any good marriage is a core relationship created out of the conscious and unconcisous fit of the partners needs and wishes. This core reflects what each partner wants and expects from the other -- expectations influenced by relationships that begin in infancy, childhood, and adolescence but are ultimately shaped within marriage", or what the author and I agree are core loves, likes and can live with.

And I simply loved reading about all the different couples, varied challenges and successes and failures that didn't make the marriages fall a part. Simply a wonderful book.