Obsessive Love : When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

Rating:
Summary: Helpful for Victims As Well
Review: As the object of someone's obsession, I found this book incredibly useful. It helped me understand why the person who is obsessed with me acts the way he does, and how my own "mixed messages" may have, in the past, made things worse. The only thing that bothers me about this book is the way the author categorizes the different behaviors exhibited by the obsessed - i.e., unwanted phone calls, drive-bys, etc. Stalking is listed as a separate entry, when in fact, *all* of the behaviors she describes are considered stalking in most states, especially when they occur not as isolated incidents but as a pattern of behavior.

I highly recommend this book to both the obsessed as well as anyone who's ever been the victim of someone who is obsessed. It could, both figuratively and literally, save lives.

Rating:
Summary: I feel better
Review: I can't count the times I have pontificated by saying that I would never read or recommend a self-help book. Well I was wrong. "Obsessive Love..." is a gem of the genre, a truly insightful and helpful book for all ages.

In clear, thoughtful, and easy-to-read English, Susan Forward explains the difference between love--and obsession, quite a different animal altogether. Because it is written with a nonjudgmental attitude and the compassion comes through on every page, it allows the reader who may be caught up in such a relationship to take the first painful step: admitting that he/she is indeed caught up in this unhealthy situation.

The book then gives advice on how to break the attachment and to see the relationship for what it is--or is not. It is aimed at giving the obsessor his/her life back, and of course, the object of the obsession gains the same bonus. Those who are caught up in such a relationship often feel hopeless, helpless, and truly terrified at the prospect of ending a relationship that in fact may not even exist (or that exists no longer). Forward understands this, and does not try to explain it away. She simply guides the reader, quietly and firmly, if you will, through a series of steps that she says will help. And they do.

Letting go is never an easy process, and Forward does not pretend that it is. But her advice works, and leaves the obsessor with dignity and a sense of having come through a serious situation, and out to the other side.

I would imagine that this book would not help a truly psychotic stalker. I have recommended it repeatedly to friends who are locked into relationships that are obsessive and unhealthy, or that are over entirely. The advice has worked every time. I recommend this book to anyone who is grieving over a failed love affair, or a preoccupation with a person who does not reciprocate one's affections. If nothing else, this book will provide strong comfort.

Rating:
Summary: Great study of a little-known disorder
Review: I first picked up this book several years ago when I realized that I had some issues around being addicted to a person. I have found it very helpful because some of the stories themselves parallel my own issues, and also because it has helped me to recognize characteristics of the persons with whom I form such unhealthy attractions.

This very well written book explores the symptoms and results of being addicted to a person. Author Susan Forward's basic premise is that a person who tends to be relationally addicted will be drawn to somebody who, for various reasons, becomes for him or her their One Magic Person. Through this person, the addicted one relives certain negative childhood experiences, hoping to make them come out right this time.

In the majority of cases in the book, the addicted one eventually drives the other one away through their jealousy, possessiveness or what-have-you, and from that point the addict's focus switches to getting the other one back. This can take the form of unwanted visits, phone calls and gifts. In one of the sadder cases, the pursuer is reduced to sitting in a car outside the other one's house hoping for a glimpse of the beloved from time to time. Sometimes, the pursuer takes revenge against either the other one's property or, in a couple of very tragic cases, the other one's person.

The case histories in the book are partly told in the words of the addicted one, with comments by the author. There is a chapter devoted to the ones who are pursued, although even in this chapter, the focus goes back to the pursuers.

If it appears as though the pursuers are the always the bad guys, this is not the case. Sometimes the ones who are pursued are using the pursuers (who normally fall into a particular category that Forward calls "Saviors") and setting them up for a fall. These folks cannot be driven away until their web of lies and deceit are exposed.

Finally, there is a section on how to let go of the obsession. One of the strongest and most helpful parts of this section is the reminder that if the other party has cut off all contact, the relationship is over. Forward expresses her surprise at how many clients she sees who, even though they may not have heard from their ex-partner in months, still believe that they have a relationship with that person.

I highly recommend this book to anybody who has, or thinks they have, an addiction to a person. It's a great reminder that we are not alone in this illness and that help is available.

Rating:
Summary: I feel better
Review: I read this book along with Confusing Love with Obsession by John D. Moore. It is so good to know that help is available. I would recommend this book plus Confusing Love to anyone who obsessed with someone else.

Rating:
Summary: Great book!
Review: I'll advise all the people who are in an unhealthy relationship to buy this book.This book will open your eyes and break that pattern of obsessive behavior.

Rating:
Summary: Healing and Moving on...
Review: This book helped me break the Infatuation Cycles I had developed. It is written in a very concise and non-invasive way so as not to offend and make you feel...well...like a deranged and sick person. My behavior was deranged and sick, but after reading this book I made a determined and solid decision to move on AND not look back. I have not repeated my Obsessive Cycle since.

Rating:
Summary: Compassionate but common sensical
Review: We have choices in our lives. We can choose to give in to our abandonment schemas/entitlement schemas and so on, and thereby become something out of a Lifetime movie. Or we can choose to reexamine our obsessive, controlling behavior.

It hurts to disconnect from relationships. No one likes to hurt someone else. It's easier to be nice and try to placate people, but the cost of being "nice" can sometimes be too dear. The obsessive person only wants more.

I've been fixated on people but never done any of the things in this book. It's a nice reality check because our society tells us the definition of love is having one person be everything to you. Susan Forward writes a new definition. Like SAVING BEAUTY FROM THE BEAST, this is invaluable.