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Rating: 
Summary: Realistic, practical advice
Review: I bought this book because I have no less than THREE different friends whose marriages are suffering the effects of affairs--all of them emotional, not physical. Some of the other reviews cite that the examples are unrealistic, but I found that many, many of the details (including the long-suffering faithful husband) are exactly what my friends are experiencing. Furthermore, this book helped me gain a little insight into why two of the cheating spouses have expressed no regret--that the faithful spouse needs to honestly assess how he/she may have contributed to the marriage being vulnerable in the first place. This book has been helpful as I have sought to help my friends, for different parts have been directly applicable to their situations and have provided practical help. There are no happy endings--yet--but the clear advice in this book is helping them to gain some sense of clarity as they hear that there are others with similar situations, feelings and struggles. It is also helping them gain stability as the book gives specific suggestions on steps to take. Note that at no point in the book do the authors guarantee that a marriage will be rebuilt. It is a given assumption throughout the book that a marriage can only be rebuilt if both husband and wife are willing to try.
Rating:
Summary: Realistic, practical advice
Review: I bought this book because I have no less than THREE different friends whose marriages are suffering the effects of affairs--all of them emotional, not physical. Some of the other reviews cite that the examples are unrealistic, but I found that many, many of the details (including the long-suffering faithful husband) are exactly what my friends are experiencing. Furthermore, this book helped me gain a little insight into why two of the cheating spouses have expressed no regret--that the faithful spouse needs to honestly assess how he/she may have contributed to the marriage being vulnerable in the first place. This book has been helpful as I have sought to help my friends, for different parts have been directly applicable to their situations and have provided practical help. There are no happy endings--yet--but the clear advice in this book is helping them to gain some sense of clarity as they hear that there are others with similar situations, feelings and struggles. It is also helping them gain stability as the book gives specific suggestions on steps to take. Note that at no point in the book do the authors guarantee that a marriage will be rebuilt. It is a given assumption throughout the book that a marriage can only be rebuilt if both husband and wife are willing to try.
Rating:
Summary: A very helpful book for getting started with recovery.
Review: I found this book shortly after I discovered my husband's affair. What a great book. It really helped us through a dark time and helped my husband extricate himself from his affair. It also helped make it possible for us to begin healing. I do not know if we will manage to stay together, but if we do then this book will really have contributed to the effort. Please look for Dr. Harley's other books as well, as they are also quite good and were helpful to us. Especially his book "His Needs, Her Needs, How to Affair Proof Your Marriage." Sure wish we had found that one sooner.
Rating:
Summary: Highly recommended!
Review: I suvived my ordeal by following the advice in Dr. Harley's book as well as on his web site www.marriagebuilder.com. I had an affair several months ago. I was totally confused, devastated, depressed, and thought about suicide. I tried looking for help but most people are not sympathetic toward the wayward spouse. I learned about Dr. Harley and was comforted to know that he understands the wayward spouse's feeling and point of view. I followed his advice regarding total separation from my lover valuable- it was the hardest thing in the world to do- I loved him and the thought of never communicating with him devastated me. But I am so glad in retrospect that I lived throught the withdrawel. I now have a better relationship with my husband, and after three months of not communicating with my lover, I can now see the affiar for the mistake that it was. I am very grateful to Dr. Harley- his iron-clad policy regarding total separation with my lover was absolutely right!
I highly recommend this book especailly if, like myself, you are having an affair and would like advice on what to do next. I understand your pain and struggle. Trust me, buy this book, or at least go to his website and read the articles. You might think that total separtion from your lover is impossible. Trust me, the pain was excruciating, but it was it. I saved my marriage and my life. And you can save yours.
Rating: 
Summary: Some Good Points, Lousy Case Study, Bad Ending
Review: It may be too early in my husband's affair time line to do a fair review of this book, but I still wish I could get my money back. The book has good information about both partners in the marraige who are invovled in an affair, but the case study with the wife having the affair was too bizarre! The poor, cheated on husband should be up for sainthood! The man took crap for almost two years and gave his wife every thing she wanted to make it easy for her. He wasn't allowed to express his anger or even TALK about the affair, just do every thing he could to make her feel "secure". Sorry, the wife made a mistake, a very BIG mistake, and according to this book, she was punished more by her lover (who eventually dumped her) than by her forgiving husband. I believe BOTH partners are to blame for a troubled marriage, but nobody forced her into bed with the other man. After all the pain and trouble of patching up their marriage, the ending is really anticlimatic (pardon the pun). We just hear that they stayed together, are severely in dept, and learned how to communicate with each other. Definitely a book to check out at the library, but not buy.
Rating:
Summary: Somewhat Useful, But Not Realistic
Review: It thought it was hilarious, but apparently Susie didn't agree when I got her this as a gag birthday gift last year. I tried to reason with her by reminding her that she always said that humor was important to her in a relationship...but I'm not sure if she heard since she was pretty busy throwing things at me. It probably didn't help that it was the only birthday gift I got her, either. In the end the joke was on me...the section on "how to spot an affair" totally clued Susie (now ex-Mrs. T) into the fact that I was sleeping with her friend Veronica.
Rating:
Summary: Somewhat Useful, But Not Realistic
Review: This book offers some useful advice about coping with a spouse's affair, and is easy-to-read. However, I disagree with a lot of the authors' approach. One of their recommendations for "affair-proofing" a marriage (a concept I don't believe in) is to spend every waking moment together. That's not realistic for most people; everyone needs alone time, and a lot of couples don't share enough interests to make this idea work. And the whole notion of "drop an activity if your partner doesn't want to share it with you" is ludicrous. I also object to their case studies, which are entirely too tidy and orderly to be drawn from real life. The most useful part is the Marital Recovery Agreement in the index, which makes you stop and think about how you treat your partner and how they treat you. If the two of you can't manage the basic kindness and consideration in the agreement, it's a big sign that things aren't going to work.
Rating:
Summary: Hope and Help when there was No Hope and No Help
Review: Whether you are male or female, married or divorced, if you or your spouse have been through an affair, this book is a resource that can bring help, healing, hope, and best of all, recovery for your marriage. Dr. Harley demonstrates practical steps regarding all aspects of an affair: before, during, after, who, what, why, when, where, etc. You'll be amazed at how simple marriage can be after you and your spouse have worked through this material. It is truly life changing. Don't be in agony any longer. Get this resource and end the suffering today.
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