The Enneagram in Love and Work : Understanding Your Intimate and Business Relationships

Rating:
Summary: The Enneagram in Love & Work: Insightful and Fun.... BUT....
Review: Helen Palmer is widely viewed as one of the foremost experts on the "modern" enneagram, and her books are regarded by many as "standard" references on this system of personality typing, psychology, spirituality and self-growth. As a long-time student of the enneagram, I find that I often reach for one of her books when I have a question.

In this book, Palmer offers only the briefest of introductions to the historical background of the enneagram, and then goes on to in-depth descriptions of each of the nine enneatypes. For each type, she covers the basic personality traits, biases and preoccupations, as well briefly addressing the three "instinctual variants" found within each. She then proceeds to describe each type "in love" and "at work." In terms of love, these descriptions attempt to explain what it is like to "live with" each type, as well as that type's orientation towards intimacy and the "signals" (positive AND negative) they send to their intimate surroundings. In the "work" contexts, Palmer covers work styles, leadership styles, teamwork and areas of conflict. Overall, I found the descriptions to be quite accurate, and I gained some new insights into why people in my life behave the way they do.

The most useful part of the book is the third section, the "Directory of Relationships." This is basically a "matrix" of descriptions outlining how any given type is likely to interact with any other type. For each combination (for example, "four with nine") there is a brief description of the dynamic that might exist in a love relationship, as well as the dynamic of a boss/employee work relationship. The book is worth buying for this section, alone.

There is no "quiz" or "self test" in this book to help readers determine their enneagram type, so it is definitely beneficial to know your enneatype before starting-- otherwise be prepared to spend some time reading the different type descriptions before you can really gain much benefit from the relationship/work focus of the book's content.

I do have a few "niggles" with "The Enneagram in Love & Work;" some of which have already been touched on by prior reviewers. Palmer seems to have a somewhat uneven knowledge of each of the nine enneagram types. In spite of her "expert status," I give her the benefit of the doubtm as this is possibly a reflection that she's a follower of the "oral tradition" of the enneagram-- which revolves around learning from each type as they talk about their lives. The shortcoming of this system is that certain personality types are DRAWN to psychology workshops (thus offering a greater wealth of knowledge) while other types would have little interest in such things, thus resulting in underrepresentation and limited information. In general, though, Palmer offers many more accurate insights than questionable ones.

Another (very minor) problem I have is that Palmer starts the book by outlining the enneagram from a spiritual path perspective, setting the scene from the Bible's "Seven deadly sins" (Plus two others, which I am never quite sure where come from!), yet the entire book is basically focused on "personality type psychology." Given the body of work presented here, I think she would have done well to have provided more psychological perspectives in the introduction-- surprising, in a way, given that Helen Palmer is a practicing psychotherapist.

Final Thoughts: Recommended (8 out of possible 10 bookmarks); Palmer does a fair job of taking on the topic relationships between enneagram types, but at the end I still find myself thinking that "there's really more to it than this." This is perhaps not the most useful book for someone who's just starting out, but definitely a useful (and fun) reference for a person with some basic knowledge of the enneagram, or psychological type, in general.

Thanks for reading!

--Peter

Rating:
Summary: The Enneagram in Love & Work: Insightful and Fun.... BUT....
Review: Helen Palmer is widely viewed as one of the foremost experts on the "modern" enneagram, and her books are regarded by many as "standard" references on this system of personality typing, psychology, spirituality and self-growth. As a long-time student of the enneagram, I find that I often reach for one of her books when I have a question.

In this book, Palmer offers only the briefest of introductions to the historical background of the enneagram, and then goes on to in-depth descriptions of each of the nine enneatypes. For each type, she covers the basic personality traits, biases and preoccupations, as well briefly addressing the three "instinctual variants" found within each. She then proceeds to describe each type "in love" and "at work." In terms of love, these descriptions attempt to explain what it is like to "live with" each type, as well as that type's orientation towards intimacy and the "signals" (positive AND negative) they send to their intimate surroundings. In the "work" contexts, Palmer covers work styles, leadership styles, teamwork and areas of conflict. Overall, I found the descriptions to be quite accurate, and I gained some new insights into why people in my life behave the way they do.

The most useful part of the book is the third section, the "Directory of Relationships." This is basically a "matrix" of descriptions outlining how any given type is likely to interact with any other type. For each combination (for example, "four with nine") there is a brief description of the dynamic that might exist in a love relationship, as well as the dynamic of a boss/employee work relationship. The book is worth buying for this section, alone.

There is no "quiz" or "self test" in this book to help readers determine their enneagram type, so it is definitely beneficial to know your enneatype before starting-- otherwise be prepared to spend some time reading the different type descriptions before you can really gain much benefit from the relationship/work focus of the book's content.

I do have a few "niggles" with "The Enneagram in Love & Work;" some of which have already been touched on by prior reviewers. Palmer seems to have a somewhat uneven knowledge of each of the nine enneagram types. In spite of her "expert status," I give her the benefit of the doubtm as this is possibly a reflection that she's a follower of the "oral tradition" of the enneagram-- which revolves around learning from each type as they talk about their lives. The shortcoming of this system is that certain personality types are DRAWN to psychology workshops (thus offering a greater wealth of knowledge) while other types would have little interest in such things, thus resulting in underrepresentation and limited information. In general, though, Palmer offers many more accurate insights than questionable ones.

Another (very minor) problem I have is that Palmer starts the book by outlining the enneagram from a spiritual path perspective, setting the scene from the Bible's "Seven deadly sins" (Plus two others, which I am never quite sure where come from!), yet the entire book is basically focused on "personality type psychology." Given the body of work presented here, I think she would have done well to have provided more psychological perspectives in the introduction-- surprising, in a way, given that Helen Palmer is a practicing psychotherapist.

Final Thoughts: Recommended (8 out of possible 10 bookmarks); Palmer does a fair job of taking on the topic relationships between enneagram types, but at the end I still find myself thinking that "there's really more to it than this." This is perhaps not the most useful book for someone who's just starting out, but definitely a useful (and fun) reference for a person with some basic knowledge of the enneagram, or psychological type, in general.

Thanks for reading!

--Peter

Rating:
Summary: I was astounded...
Review: I borrowed this book from an instructor who was teaching the Enneagram to a small group of interested people. When I read the chapter on 4's I was amazed at the accuracy of the personality "type" to my own. It felt as if a clinical psychologist had followed me though my emotional and traumatic years and recorded all of my triumphs and tribulations in a concise, analytical manner. Better still, it explained why my instincts to react were so different from those around me. I learned to see that people have very different motivations than my own which meant that I needed to realize that I could not change them but I could now appreciate why they saw things in other ways.

As an added benefit I learned to understand (and accept) more about myself through Helen Palmer's book than I had through many years of professional psychogical therapy. Wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of money.

The sheer simplicity of the book lends itself to the everyday language in which it was written. There is none of the false pretentiousness present in many of the books that share similar self-help messages. However, it does not feel as if it were written to stoop to the lowest common denominator either.

It should be noted that Palmer emphatically states that no-one should presume to "type" others as a method in which to judge what personality is most compatible to one's own purpose. As with any personality profiling there is the inevitable dilution of the original message that leads to generalizations and oversimplification.

My personal assessment is that the book is an easy and fascinating read for anyone wishing to better understand human behavior and interactions. I highly and heartily recommend it.

Rating:
Summary: I was astounded...
Review: I borrowed this book from an instructor who was teaching the Enneagram to a small group of interested people. When I read the chapter on 4's I was amazed at the accuracy of the personality "type" to my own. It felt as if a clinical psychologist had followed me though my emotional and traumatic years and recorded all of my triumphs and tribulations in a concise, analytical manner. Better still, it explained why my instincts to react were so different from those around me. I learned to see that people have very different motivations than my own which meant that I needed to realize that I could not change them but I could now appreciate why they saw things in other ways.

As an added benefit I learned to understand (and accept) more about myself through Helen Palmer's book than I had through many years of professional psychogical therapy. Wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of money.

The sheer simplicity of the book lends itself to the everyday language in which it was written. There is none of the false pretentiousness present in many of the books that share similar self-help messages. However, it does not feel as if it were written to stoop to the lowest common denominator either.

It should be noted that Palmer emphatically states that no-one should presume to "type" others as a method in which to judge what personality is most compatible to one's own purpose. As with any personality profiling there is the inevitable dilution of the original message that leads to generalizations and oversimplification.

My personal assessment is that the book is an easy and fascinating read for anyone wishing to better understand human behavior and interactions. I highly and heartily recommend it.

Rating:
Summary: Extremely helpful in understanding my significant others
Review: I've read many books on the Enneagram, and I found this book to be very helpful in understanding my present and past significant others and coworkers. My significant other is a 9, and my boss is also a 9 - pure heaven for us 7's! This book indicated how I can keep enhancing these relationships, and what to watch out for so that the relationships do not deteriorate. This book is also enlightening regarding past love and work relationships. I made a lot of mistakes in dealing with people in my past, and this book taught me to come to terms with these mistakes. I could see how my ex-husband (a 5) and I pushed each other's buttons. I could also see how I went head to head with my tyrannical ex-boss (an 8), who made most women subordinates cry when he was angry. This book brought to light more constructive ways of dealing with such people.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent study, but subtly (and powerfully) flawed...
Review: The enneagram is a psychological system that proposes nine fundamental personality types. Each type has learned from various childhood traumas to behave in a certain pattern so as to attract positive attention and repel negative attention. Perfectionists (type 1) earn love by being perfect. Helpers (type 2) earn love by being helpful. Performers (type 3) earn love through achievement and image. [The system gets more complex here.] Romantics (type 4) protect their vulnerability by longing for love at a distance. Observers (type 5) protect their vulnerability by detaching from emotions and seeking privacy. Troopers (type 6) protect their vulnerability by mistrusting love until it is "proven" safe. Epicures (type 7) protect their vulnerability by treating life as a grand adventure. [We go back to a simpler system here.] Bosses (type 8) earn love by taking charge and "fighting the good fight." Mediators (type 9) earn love by merging with their loved ones, losing all sense of self.

Okay. The rationale that Palmer presents for each type is often very reasonable. She describes typical childhood traumas for each type - for example, "Growing up in a context where survival depended on pleasing, [Helpers] gave to others to get their own needs met. [...] Wanting approval, they form an association in which they become indispensable" (63). She has very in-depth descriptions of each type, and for the most part I think she has really done her research. Five stars for her in-depth analysis.

However, there are two fundamental flaws running through the book. The first (and most obvious) is her pigeon-holing of the types into a spiritual framework of "seven deadly sins plus two not mentioned in the Bible." In order: type 1-anger, type 2-pride, type 3-deceit (not a sin, but a spiritual flaw), type 4-envy, type 5-avarice, type 6-fear (again, not a sin, but a spiritual flaw), type 7-gluttony, type 8-lust, type 9-sloth. While it's true that Perfectionists (type 1) tend to have anger-management problems, Romantics (type 4) can get envious when other people seem to function with so little effort (then again, who does't?), and Mediators (type 9) are characterized by inaction when unhappy, I wouldn't call these the over-riding passions of each type; nor would I try to create a Biblical structure in which minor habits of the types (Observers (type 5) like to be alone and are thrifty, ergo they must be avaricious) are elevated to dominant status. One star taken away for this ridiculous model.

More insidious than than her overt "sin-structure" is her bias toward Perfectionists (type 1) and against Observers (type 5). Another reviewer noted this discrepancy, so I'm not alone in this. Consider her (lousy) advice for getting along with a Perfectionist: "Do remember details. [...] They appreciate small gestures: being on time, remembering names, proper introductions. Speak respectfully. Make sure no one looks foolish. Ask for permission. Compliment thrift, effort, and dependability. Don't expect compliments in return. Cultivate your character. Set improvement goals. Don't flaunt your achievements. Admit error immediately. [...] Bring novelty and fun to relating. [...] Avoid power struggles. [Perfectionists] need to be right" (48). I cannot imagine worse advise - why not simply say, "Don't have a personality of your own, be totally available, and put everything you have into them but don't expect any effort returned." Throughout the book, Palmer privileges the Perfectionist type as inherently right. In her directory of relationships, which presumes to give advice to both partners of a romantic or work relationship, the Perfectionist is always presented as correct - in other words, Perfectionists are fine, they need no advice on how to get along with others. Everyone else has to figure out how to get along with them. One star taken away for bias.

In contrast, Observers "have a lot to learn." Her interpretation is totally skewed by her insistence that avarice is this personality type's "sin." A strong need for privacy and a monk-like ability to do without any material belongings characterize this type, yet Palmer insists that this type expresses avarice "by hoarding time and space" (137). "Detached from many of the desires and pleasures that feed the flurry of human activity," she scolds, "you watch and wait for something of significance" (135). She gives little advice for getting along with this type, and most of it simply reiterates the previous pages in bulleted format. Most crippling, however, is her constant scorn of this type. Palmer is full of "funny" stories about Observers - however, these stories are demeaning, petty, and ultimately not relevant. It's a sly way of putting down a type she obviously doesn't like, but her contempt shows through. Another star taken away for bias.

Total: two stars.

Last word: If you can wade through the compulsory mysticism and avoid the sections on Perfectionists and Observers, you have some pretty accurate reporting. Otherwise, avoid at all costs.

Rating:
Summary: Very insightful identification of types.
Review: The perfect book on this subject will never be written, however many of the types identified in this book resonated with my personal observations. If only I had read this book so many years ago... Anyhow, I have managed to identify and understand myself better. Further, I have more insight into relationships in my past and present. Hope you benefit as well.

Rating:
Summary: the best thing helen has done
Review: this book is wonderfully insightful, bcasue it uses theenneagram as more than just "self-discovery". because there are certain types of people, there are also certain types of relationships. after reading this book, i realized why i've always got a 7 and a 6/5 nearby, and all the women i've dated have been 9s.

this concept has really not been developed nearly enough. by identifying stereotypical relationships, it allows for a second angle to approach typing people--by association. plus, by realizing WHY we attract and repel certain types of people, we can look for warning signs of unhealthy relationships. also, we can identify how to attract the people we like by realizing what they are attracted to in us. pure brilliance.

that having been said, helen palmer continues to aggravate me... her understanding of relationships is beautiful, but she does perhaps the worst job in the field of describing individual types. in particular, she has an extremely limited grasp of 5s and 1s, and constantly confuses the 2 sets of characteristics.

buy this book. but only after reading riso's work to actually learn about the enneagram.

isaac, 5/4 END

Rating:
Summary: the best thing helen has done
Review: this book is wonderfully insightful, bcasue it uses theenneagram as more than just "self-discovery". because there are certain types of people, there are also certain types of relationships. after reading this book, i realized why i've always got a 7 and a 6/5 nearby, and all the women i've dated have been 9s.

this concept has really not been developed nearly enough. by identifying stereotypical relationships, it allows for a second angle to approach typing people--by association. plus, by realizing WHY we attract and repel certain types of people, we can look for warning signs of unhealthy relationships. also, we can identify how to attract the people we like by realizing what they are attracted to in us. pure brilliance.

that having been said, helen palmer continues to aggravate me... her understanding of relationships is beautiful, but she does perhaps the worst job in the field of describing individual types. in particular, she has an extremely limited grasp of 5s and 1s, and constantly confuses the 2 sets of characteristics.

buy this book. but only after reading riso's work to actually learn about the enneagram.

isaac, 5/4 END

Rating:
Summary: Some nuggets, but you have to dig
Review: This is Helen Palmer's second book, and a bit disappointing. The information here is somewhat better than her first book as one would hope, but "Love and Work" is poorly written, even ungrammatical. The combinations of the different enneagram points in relationship is the best part of the book, but these descriptions seem uneven and undeveloped. Some of the relationships described sounded more accurate than others. This book could have been really interesting, but I found it unsatisfying.