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Summary: Lieberman Understands the Heart of Personal Conflict
Review: David Lieberman has written a practical book that gets down to the bottomo of addressing many personal conflicts. He understands that the real issue is Self-esteem. When a person feels his or her self-esteem threatened, conflict emerges. When a person's self-esteem is protected, conflict is lessened or resolved.
The first three chapters, though short, are worth the purchase price of the book. One interesting quotation, typical of the first few chapters, reads as follows: "The barometer that determines how annoyed, frustrated, or angered we become with others in any given situation is based on the degree to which we feel in control of ourselves and our lives. Our respect for ourselves, in short, determines (a) the amount of respect we crave from others and (b) our need to push for control and dominance."
Lieberman offers some very practical advice to help readers address a variety of conflict situations, providing simple but effective illustrations from real life examples.
As a seasoned pastor (over 25 years in the ministry) who has been involved in all sorts of conflict situations, I have deduced a number of principles (explained clearly by Lieberman) over the years the hard way, through the school of hard knocks. Wish this book was around years earlier.
On the negative side, the author makes unrealistic promises in some of the chapter's sub-titles, and even the title of the book is somewhat deceptive, "Make Peace with Anyone." Yet, in the text itself, the author clearly states that some situations have no real solutions. The book would be better if it did not promise complete success in all situations.
I also have a few ethical problems with the book. Lieberman, in some instances, advocates lying. Then, in the last chapter, he claims that the Bible advocates lying to end conflict, an assertion I challenge. Relathionships that cannot espouse truth are not worth maintaining. Addtionally, when one discovers that another has lied, a greater conflict can emerge.
Lieberman also encourages saying nice things about the offended person to a third party so that it gets back around. That just doesn't sit well with me.
On the other hand, people do need to feel listened to and respected, and Lieberman shines in that department. It is great to ask others for advice, and that seems a more legitimate measure to show the offended party that we do indeed respect them (unless we in fact do not!).
He also claims that the Bible teaches Aaron was more popular than Moses because Aaron counseled couples separately when they were having marriage problems (p.108). I have never seen anything even resembling that in Scripture; perhps he confuses the Bible with Talmudic Jewish tradition.
Although Lieberman constantly reinforces his warning not to use these techniques to manipulate others or out of insincere motives, no doubt some will try. But that is not the author's fault: he seems to have a truly humble attitude; those who thusly abuse his advice will find that insincere application of his techniques will backfire. Nobody likes a weasely person.
Despite its flaws, the author has great insights into the realities of human nature. A very helpful book that cuts to the core of the matter.
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Summary: Priceless Information
Review: Even if you are not looking to make peace with anyone, this book contains priceless information on understanding your own behavior and others.
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Summary: A must read
Review: He hits the right note with this one. It easy to relate to and includes scripts to illustrate. His conversational style is just right. I used the method a few times myself and it does get me better responses. I highly recommend this book to anyone, not just those in need to resolve conflicts. The book isn't written to help you solve conflicts, instead it helps you keep a cool head and word your words better. Keep it as a reference in your house or office and look it up whenever you need it. Or pass it on to a friend, you'll be glad you did, when confrontation arises.
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Summary: Skeptic convinced
Review: I bought this book so I might get some tips on repairing the damage recently done to a very important relationship. It was just one of many books I bought in a self-help book buying spree, an attempt to give me insight into serious conflict resolution. (The relationship I am speaking of is a romantic one, too.) I thought I'd probably end up returning this book, because I was pretty sure Old Liebby couldn't tell me anything new. How wrong I was! Listen, if you are serious about making amends, get your humility in order and read this book. Lieberman makes it clear that your motives for resolving the conflict must be good (as in, NOT manipulative and selfish), which impressed me. He gives point by point powerful psychological techniques for resolving interpersonal problems that ultimately are not only deeply loving, but empowering, as well! I love this guy--he's doing a great service to humankind by presenting his material in such a careful, thoughtful way. Cheers to you, Liebby.
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Summary: A Must Get Book!
Review: I have been looking for a book this good for a long time. This is a gem.
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Summary: Skeptic convinced
Review: One of my favorite writers on human behavior, David Lieberman, shares his insight and understanding of conflict in this powerful work. He proposes that conflicts generally follow a basic recipe. The ingredients in the recipe are fear and a perceived loss of respect. If people don't act or react the way we expect then we fear a loss of control. When we fear a loss of control or perceive that there has been a loss of respect then our self-esteem is injured and we follow our first reaction to a loss of self-esteem, we fight back by turning it into anger. If this is the source of the emotional factor in conflict then the solution is to provide the other party with the ability to regain self-respect and at least some sense of control.How to give this sense of control and self-esteem back to the other party is the focus of the book. Lieberman takes you step by step through many scenarios so that you can learn how to adapt to a situation and proactively make peace with anyone. Whether it is dealing with a long-standing conflict or stopping a problem before it gets out of hand, the book is filled with useful and practical techniques that are sure to dramatically change your relationships with others for the better. A highly recommended read.
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Summary: A Groundbreaking Work
Review: One of my favorite writers on human behavior, David Lieberman, shares his insight and understanding of conflict in this powerful work. He proposes that conflicts generally follow a basic recipe. The ingredients in the recipe are fear and a perceived loss of respect. If people don't act or react the way we expect then we fear a loss of control. When we fear a loss of control or perceive that there has been a loss of respect then our self-esteem is injured and we follow our first reaction to a loss of self-esteem, we fight back by turning it into anger. If this is the source of the emotional factor in conflict then the solution is to provide the other party with the ability to regain self-respect and at least some sense of control. How to give this sense of control and self-esteem back to the other party is the focus of the book. Lieberman takes you step by step through many scenarios so that you can learn how to adapt to a situation and proactively make peace with anyone. Whether it is dealing with a long-standing conflict or stopping a problem before it gets out of hand, the book is filled with useful and practical techniques that are sure to dramatically change your relationships with others for the better. A highly recommended read.
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Summary: New reasoning, another help is SB 1 or God by Maddox
Review: This book takes the most unusual approach in that you do more than admit your fault to make peace. You come to a total understanding of who and why and announce this truth to the persons you which to make peace. The opposite is also researched to identify the other persons reasoning. Much more but these are the points that captured me. This is a good book and not a instrument to make money but to make peace. I wish to recommend the greatest peacemaking book I have ever read and many agree with me, SB 1 or God by Maddox
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