Conversations With a Pedophile: In the Interest of our Children

Rating:
Summary: A groundbreaking and shockingly truthful perspective
Review: A chilling and sobering look into the mind of a pedophile. This book is written from the perspective of his therapist who found a way to understand him through his music. Thankfully, the therapy was conducted in prison (life sentence, no parole). In addition, this pedophile, "Alan", maintained a self-confessional correspondence with his therapist for many years. This book presents his story along with edited commentary on his poignant attempt to expiate guilt by revealing details of technique and psychodynamics.

What saves this from being frightening and sadistic voyereuism is that the author adds the vulnerable, human voice of the (recovered) victim to the story. In a brave and brilliant parallel narrative, she also describes the horrific experiences of a victim of child sexual abuse, and the ways these experiences can be played out for years following the initial events.

The book is an offering of hope and strength. With the insights from Dr. Hammel-Zabin, we gain awareness of protective and healing strategies for our children and the community at large. The book provides timely advice in today's world to anyone who worries about the victimization of children.

Rating:
Summary: Too many loose ends.
Review: Because I live in New Jersey, the home of Megan's Law, and because I see via the newspapers that we are agressively notifying people of pedophiles in the neighborhood, I wanted to read about this subject. I am not comfortable with the thought that people are forever branded this way. I would rather see them permanently jailed or medically helped.

The therapist who authored this book only lets the pedophile himself discuss Depo Provera and Lupron. He says they absolutely work in that they chemically castrate a person but he wisely points out that a pedophiles must take the medicine religiously. That's the extent of the discussion about a possible solution. I would have liked much more information on this approach because if the guy is right, we ought to have these felons check in at their local police stations several times a day to receive and consume their doses of either drug in front of a cop. Should a person fall off that medical wagon, he or she ought to be permitted to choose total, physical castration over a long and apparently not very worthwhile prison sentence.

I realize it is politically incorrect to talk about right and wrong these days -- everything is relative and almost justified. I remember three instances as a child where I was approached to cross this line and I immediately pulled myself out of these situations. By the age of six I clearly knew right from wrong and it certainly wasn't because I had "modern" parents who talked about anything and everything with their children. That is the concept being promoted here.

If we could get back to instilling a sense of right and wrong in our children, so much of this could be avoided. When I was growing up the idea was to go straight to a cop or a teacher or any adult in authority if something wrong was going on. Now I realize that teachers and boy scout leaders nevermind priests are often the culprits. Here, too, we somehow knew who the good guys were that we could turn to for protection. And had it ever been discovered that a person in authority did nothing to stop the abuse, that person would have been instantly fired. The penalty placed on adult supervisors was severe enough that those adults knew there would be consequences for their not doing their jobs properly.

So this book is interesting in that you learn that control of others seems to be the motivation for much pedophilia. Sex per se isn't the root cause. But truly the picture you are left with here is grim because no in depth portrayal of solutions is presented.

Without medical intervention apparently, the pedophilia will not stop if we allow these people back into society. That to me is the critical but almost untouched issue in this book.

Rating:
Summary: Too many loose ends.
Review: Engrossing from the first to the last page. Hammel-Zabin opens her darkest secrets to the reader and through a most amazing relationship she forged with a "brilliant" pedophile we are horrified, amazed, awakened and enlightened at the same time!! Anyone who has ANYTHING to do with children should read this book!

Rating:
Summary: A powerful book, offers insight that can save lives
Review: This is a powerful and important book, even if disturbing at times. It tells the story of one Pedophine, and a contrite one at that, yet still offers some insight into the workings of the minds of at least some people who are considered the lowest of the low even among the incarcerated. It was interesting to read Alan's (the pedophile whose long-term correspondance with Dr. Zabin is at the foundation of this book) explanation of his evolving perversion. At times his rationalizations seem almost a little too clear, as if he'd spent time filling in the gaps to make the process meaningful. Even to casting blame on others for not giving him what he needed and "driving him" to seek control elsewhere. However, I think that Alan's story and his escalating tactics of grooming and ensnaring victims does glimpse into a process many of us would rather not have to look at: pedophiles don't drop out of the sky as dirty old men...pedophilia evolves...pedophiles hurt many children before they are caught.

While to some degree this makes it all the more scary, it can hopefully in the future allow society places of awareness and intervention that might stop a tendency, confusion, or re-enactment before it becomes a full blown addiction to power that feeds on vunlerability and submission.

The title of the book, "Conversations with A pedophile", is well thought--Alan's story, a pedophile who accepts his responsibility (at least at part) and expresses some rue for his violations can't be easily generalized. We are yet to learn more about the workings of the minds of violent offenders; those who do not take the time to "groom" their victims and their families; those who establish their dominance on their own young who already have no way other than to submit. And still, for an area with such paucity of public information, there is much that can be taken of this book is helpful, can maybe even save lives.

Maybe the most helpful information is in the detailed explanations of secrecy, control, escallation, and the use of the victim's own shame as an effective tool of control. These are essential insights to anyone who wants to understand child abuse in all it's forms.

Hurray to Amy, author and therapist, for the courage to share and weave her own story into the pages. Even with all the strides made in the area of awareness and understanding of child abuse, when it comes to professionals, there is still a stigma attached, and it is time it lost it's wear.
Secrecy is only as powerful as we allow it to be, as individuals as well as a society.

I recommend this book to anyone who works with children. And especially to those who still like to claim that child abuse is rare, that "good citizens" don't do such things, that the effects of abuse has to be obvious and immediate, and that children do not keep secrets, do not repress, do not forget, or really have a choice. (...)

Rating:
Summary: How-to book for pedophiles
Review: When I finished this book, I thew it into the garbage can! Under the guise of writing about the author's own abuse as a child and the "desire" of a pedophile to "warn" parents what to look for, much of this book relates in detail how to seduce a childÑa primer for pedophilia. My son was brutally raped when he was seven by the teenage son of our best friends, and I purchased this book in an attempt to understand about such monsters; I did not expect to discover a step-by-step instruction manual in how men can develop control over a child. "In the Interest of Our Children" Ñnot!!