Rating: 
Summary: Speedy relief and long-lasting lessons
Review: A song from the 60's asked, "What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?" This book tells us. First, read the last chapter to recognize that your relationship is ending, even if you don't know it yet. Next, read the "Rituals for Parting" chapter, so you can do something about your pain right now. Then go to page one and begin to understanding how and why your relationship began, why it is ending, and what is happening while you think you cannot draw another breath. This is a fast read that covers all bases. Highly recommended for teenagers who think they invented love and heartache, and for adults who thought they knew better.
Rating: 
Summary: Helpful, hopeful - but sad - must use caution!
Review: A therapist gave me this book, a revised one that my ex is also reading, I'm told. I was scared to death when I first read the last chapter "coda" then went through the book chapter by chapter. The underlying tone: "GIVE UP WHATEVER YOUR THINK YOU INVESTED" -- "IT DOESN"T MATTER NOW." "IT'S OVER." That part, even for those who realize that maybe we could have done something better to the ending, makes it a tough read, for its finality of an ending and a relationship. Reading this, there is "NO" turning back and, that hurts. The part, however, on the "Rituals of Parting" are exactly what couples should do to close the inevitable. In fact, if we had done this chapter, we may still feel better about ourselves, our loving this partner and develop the gifts that all relationship's bring. Unfortunately, those without the courage to follow the book will find it to be a sad, incomplete book that won't made things better in "moving on. It is a one-sided view of only saying "It's over." For that, I am sad for all who hurt. Do the "Ritual" as I wish I could.
Rating:
Summary: Helpful, hopeful - but sad - must use caution!
Review: A therapist gave me this book, a revised one that my ex is also reading, I'm told. I was scared to death when I first read the last chapter "coda" then went through the book chapter by chapter. The underlying tone: "GIVE UP WHATEVER YOUR THINK YOU INVESTED" -- "IT DOESN"T MATTER NOW." "IT'S OVER." That part, even for those who realize that maybe we could have done something better to the ending, makes it a tough read, for its finality of an ending and a relationship. Reading this, there is "NO" turning back and, that hurts. The part, however, on the "Rituals of Parting" are exactly what couples should do to close the inevitable. In fact, if we had done this chapter, we may still feel better about ourselves, our loving this partner and develop the gifts that all relationship's bring. Unfortunately, those without the courage to follow the book will find it to be a sad, incomplete book that won't made things better in "moving on. It is a one-sided view of only saying "It's over." For that, I am sad for all who hurt. Do the "Ritual" as I wish I could.
Rating: 
Summary: One of the Best
Review: I am a Clinical Social Worker-specialize in working with people around divorce. Am also divorced myself. I just discovered this book in preparation for a divorce support group I'm running. I've read tons and tons of books on divorce and this is the only one that I have found can really help people understand and take responsibility for why their marriage ended and what part they played in that. I recommend it not only for people getting divorced but also to other therapists-it's got some great exercises in it to use either yourself or with clients.
Rating:
Summary: An easy book to read!
Review: I first found this book in the form of an audiotape at a time in my life when I was so filled with the emotional turmoil at the end of a 25 year marriage that I was unable to focus long enough to actually read the words on the page. Ms. Kingma's explanation of the evolution of some marriages/relationships so resonated with me that it enabled me to face the myriad feelings of failure and destruction I was struggling with, and to hope that some day my life might again be good and whole. That was over seven years ago, and I am still reading and re-reading it. I highly recommend it to others who know it has ended, but still feel there was 'something' they could have done to prevent it.
Rating:
Summary: Helps you understand the evolution of relationships
Review: I read this book at the end of a 10 year relationship. I also shared it with my ex-lover. It helped tremendously not only in healing the pain but in understanding why the union had run its course. The information I gleaned helped the relationship to transform to a friendship, eased the guilt I felt and helped us both understand and appreciate the beauty of what we had shared. Eight years later, I still remember this book profoundly and recommend it on every occassion I can.
Rating:
Summary: Prerequisite reading for *beginning* a relationship!
Review: I think each new relationship would benefit so much if all parties were to read this before going IN! Kingma challenges us to look at the myth that relationships "should last forever" --and consequently why our self-esteem takes such a beating when they actually don't! (Surprise!) Her basic premise is that relationships are a series of processes by which we complete developmental tasks in our life journey of self-discovery/creation. Case studies illustrate how this plays out in the various ways.From reading this book, I gained much comfort and understanding about my present-coming-apart-relationship. Although I initiated it, I was feeling much pain. The clarity that I gained--about why we choose the partners we do--helped to stop the angst. Such gems of simple yet profound wisdom: "Love...does not conquer all. Real love, enduring love...is the quiet recognition and ongoing appreciation of another person, the experience of continually sharing what is important to you." The chapters on pampering yourself, and the rituals for completion are absolutely valuable! I feel heartened and strengthened by her words in the chapter "Is there Love After Love?": "Eventually we all get to the place where--except for fine-tunings and refinements-we have learned pretty much who we are. We have sorted out our preferences from the vast number of possibilities we all have as human beings, and we know what we want to spend our lives doing..." "...You will love and have a happy life with the person whose looks, nature, habits, preferences, values and priorities call forth the truest expression of yourself, the person who invites you to blossom and grow." This book is kind of a condensed version of the "Future of Love" which I also highly recommend. (I bought several copies of each of these to share with friends.)
Rating:
Summary: Prerequisite reading for *beginning* a relationship!
Review: I think each new relationship would benefit so much if all parties were to read this before going IN! Kingma challenges us to look at the myth that relationships "should last forever" --and consequently why our self-esteem takes such a beating when they actually don't! (Surprise!) Her basic premise is that relationships are a series of processes by which we complete developmental tasks in our life journey of self-discovery/creation. Case studies illustrate how this plays out in the various ways. From reading this book, I gained much comfort and understanding about my present-coming-apart-relationship. Although I initiated it, I was feeling much pain. The clarity that I gained--about why we choose the partners we do--helped to stop the angst. Such gems of simple yet profound wisdom: "Love...does not conquer all. Real love, enduring love...is the quiet recognition and ongoing appreciation of another person, the experience of continually sharing what is important to you." The chapters on pampering yourself, and the rituals for completion are absolutely valuable! I feel heartened and strengthened by her words in the chapter "Is there Love After Love?": "Eventually we all get to the place where--except for fine-tunings and refinements-we have learned pretty much who we are. We have sorted out our preferences from the vast number of possibilities we all have as human beings, and we know what we want to spend our lives doing..." "...You will love and have a happy life with the person whose looks, nature, habits, preferences, values and priorities call forth the truest expression of yourself, the person who invites you to blossom and grow." This book is kind of a condensed version of the "Future of Love" which I also highly recommend. (I bought several copies of each of these to share with friends.)
Rating:
Summary: This Book Spoke Right To Me
Review: I've been in the middle of a disintegrating marriage for years, which has only recently come to a head in the form of a nasty divorce. When this book was recommended to me, I was a bit skeptical--I couldn't imagine what the author could say that i hadn't already figured for myself. But it was something more, something different. The book helped me to understand better how my husband and I had been coming part for so long, and it also showed me that I'm nowhere near alone. I should point out though that this book does not hold back for the benefit of the emotionally weak. I read it in the mindframe that my relationship was over, so maybe some of the brutal truths seemed a little less brutal as I'd already lived them. Overall, I'd say this is recommended reading for anyone in any kind of intimate relationship--its toughness is just an accurate mirror of reality.
Rating:
Summary: This Book Spoke Right To Me
Review: I've been in the middle of a disintegrating marriage for years, which has only recently come to a head in the form of a nasty divorce. When this book was recommended to me, I was a bit skeptical--I couldn't imagine what the author could say that i hadn't already figured for myself. But it was something more, something different. The book helped me to understand better how my husband and I had been coming part for so long, and it also showed me that I'm nowhere near alone. I should point out though that this book does not hold back for the benefit of the emotionally weak. I read it in the mindframe that my relationship was over, so maybe some of the brutal truths seemed a little less brutal as I'd already lived them. Overall, I'd say this is recommended reading for anyone in any kind of intimate relationship--its toughness is just an accurate mirror of reality.
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