Rating: Summary: ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT BOOKS I'VE READ; A MUST HAVE! Review: As I say in the title, this is one of the best books I've read. It redefines the word "slut" and gives it a whole new meaning. The authors have both been living free lives for many years and have experience in the area. These women rock! They are two of the most free people (on that level at least) I know. This book can be very hepfull for couples who want to have an open relationship but are not sure on how to set rules to make everybody happy. It helps you define the boudaries of your couple and of your sexuality. It explains things like how we own our feelings and how to deal with them, but also things like how to reassure a partner who feels insecure if we go out on a date with somebody else, and so many other things. There is also a chart of do's and don't's of ethical sluttery and a (sarcastic) chart of things to do if you want to [mess] up your couple. There is even some advice that I consider as good for open couples than for straight couples. This book has changed my life, and I think everybody should read it!
Rating: Summary: A Book to Think About Review: As the reviewer Dolphine of "ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT BOOKS I'VE READ;A MUST HAVE!" Already wrote, this is indeed a brilliant book if you wish to live an responsible openly sexual lifestyle, but don't want to be an ass or ruthless heartbreaker. It clearly explains how to live this lifestyle in a ETHICAL and very responsible way, not to hurt others people's feelings or "trick" them, have sex with them and after that: dumping them. This is NOT the way to do it! "Well, can you do it in a right way then?" you might ask now. I'm gladly to tell you that you can. Read the book and see for yourself! ;-)And yes, these 2 woman really rock! They tell about there own lives as examples from wich you can learn on how to do it and not to do it. Very educational, insightful, well written and It reads very easly too. Since I am promiscual, I'm really happy and relieved that this book discribes all the do's and don't's, and a lot of "players" practicise the don't's and that's why the word promiscuity/player has such a bad name. it also tells us about our cultural believesystem and myths we grow up believing and copying and because of this way of thinking we f**k-up our own lifes, trying to go against our own nature by trying to stay serial-monogames (the question is always:"Why do people cheat?". They never ask the question:"Does monogamy REALLY work?"). It definitly doesn't work for me. Do you also wish to be fully yourself and life your life in a way that works for YOU?? Read it!!
Rating: Summary: A must read for people curious about the sexual freedom. Review: For years I have tried to explain many of the topices covered in this book to new couples testing the waters of the swinging lifestyle. Now I have a book that I can recommend that covers most of the areas extremely well. An additional benefit of this book is that is is written by two women in the lifestyle. Many other books written on the subject are written by men and are looked at by women readers as just another man trying to convince women to be more sexually promiscuios. The only area that I wish the authors would have spent more time on is the subject of nurturing your primary partner and relationship while introducing them to the new way of living. All in all, this is the very best book I've found concerning open relationships and swinging. I would recommend it to anyone.
Rating: Summary: Emotional Growth Needed Review: I believe the book does an excellent job of persuading you that the lifestyle is not amoral. It does an excellent job of creating an atmosphere to discuss the possibility with your partner. However, I feel that it lacks somewhat on the execution. I don't expect a book to satisfy every possibilty that might exist in human relationships. It talks a lot about jealously, but neglects to mention the tremendous amount of growth one must do to accomplish this lifestyle successfully. I felt it lacked discussion of the proper requisites that would be required of a person. I do believe however, they say that experience will teach you best and that do not rely only on this book. For that I give them the foresight. I just believe the subject matter in written form is still very young and perhaps future incarnations will deal less with the advocacy of the lifestyle and more with the implementation.
Rating: Summary: Emotional Growth Needed Review: I believe the book does an excellent job of persuading you that the lifestyle is not amoral. It does an excellent job of creating an atmosphere to discuss the possibility with your partner. However, I feel that it lacks somewhat on the execution. I don't expect a book to satisfy every possibilty that might exist in human relationships. It talks a lot about jealously, but neglects to mention the tremendous amount of growth one must do to accomplish this lifestyle successfully. I felt it lacked discussion of the proper requisites that would be required of a person. I do believe however, they say that experience will teach you best and that do not rely only on this book. For that I give them the foresight. I just believe the subject matter in written form is still very young and perhaps future incarnations will deal less with the advocacy of the lifestyle and more with the implementation.
Rating: Summary: FINALLY, Authors Based in Reality & Equality Review: I bought this book because I was in an open relationship for the first time, trying to cover all possibilities and set guidelines before I even knew what I was getting into. My partner and I didn't know where we were headed but had finally found, in each other, a lover which understood that we have our own individual needs, a relationship must grow with us rather than separate from us, and a partnership should offer new opportunities and more possibilities (even freedoms) than one can achieve on his/her own.
By page one, I realized that "Dossie and Catherine" are very down to earth women coming from different backgrounds, experiences, and rationales, but now both sharing their open-minded and honest views with the rest of us. They see the world and the common courtesies and etiquette of relating to others (in any form of relationship, sexual or non) in the same way that I do. Imagine that!
The authors are realists, humanists, and down right cool. Together, their writing style is as practical, simple, and enjoyable as possible, a pleasure to read. They make you feel like you're a new friend in the group, and they're there to nurture you through every uncomfortable or scary step of learning to be comfortable enough with YOURSELF to be truly comfortable and loving with others. If even those choosing monogamy would relate to their partners with such understanding, acceptance, and self-confidence, the entire world would be a better place.
As a guide or how-to manual, this book is invaluable. Read it; have your partner read it. But also pass it along to all those you know who have yet to realize their insecurities and fears are preventing them from finding happiness and true intimacy in friendships and partnerships. It's about time they learn to take control of their own lives and relationships and make the world a better place because of it.
Rating: Summary: Must have in human sexual health library Review: I enjoyed this book. It answered a lot of questions I have had about what exactly the polyamory lifestyle is. Nothing was glorified or over-exaggerated, yet by having the details laid out it was easy for me to determine the slight bias of the authors who are in the lifestyle and decide for myself what I thought of the topic. For this reason, I consider it a must read. This book was an easy, straight-forward, non-graphic discussion of non-monogamous relationships. Any human sexual health interested person should check it out. I don't think it can be used as a manual for a polyamorous lifestyle, there's no 1-2-3 checklist, but it will get you started. Even if you decided to remain at your status quo, you will be able to pick up so good tips on how to go about living and loving. In sum, I am not a practicer or believer of the polyamorous lifestyle as it is not for me, and by reading this book I was able to cement my decision and gain information beyond heresy about "ethical sluts." I encourage everyone to read through and think about the principles discussed. The information is good for anyone and everyone regardless of gender, age, or sexual persuasion.
Rating: Summary: Must have in human sexual health library Review: I enjoyed this book. It answered a lot of questions I have had about what exactly the polyamory lifestyle is. Nothing was glorified or over-exaggerated, yet by having the details laid out it was easy for me to determine the slight bias of the authors who are in the lifestyle and decide for myself what I thought of the topic. For this reason, I consider it a must read. This book was an easy, straight-forward, non-graphic discussion of non-monogamous relationships. Any human sexual health interested person should check it out. I don't think it can be used as a manual for a polyamorous lifestyle, there's no 1-2-3 checklist, but it will get you started. Even if you decided to remain at your status quo, you will be able to pick up so good tips on how to go about living and loving. In sum, I am not a practicer or believer of the polyamorous lifestyle as it is not for me, and by reading this book I was able to cement my decision and gain information beyond heresy about "ethical sluts." I encourage everyone to read through and think about the principles discussed. The information is good for anyone and everyone regardless of gender, age, or sexual persuasion.
Rating: Summary: I wanted to be convinced Review: I was crushing madly on a woman who described her relationship as polyamorous when I bought this book. I was honestly hoping I'd "get it". The authors' philosophy does sound very progressive and liberating, but after I finished the book, something gnawed at me. So I read it again, carefully.
In the first couple of paragraphs, they make the claim that "no-one ever had low self-esteem at the moment of orgasm." Two pages later I read, "the best reason to have sex is no reason at all." Those two concepts don't fit together. They're both arguments against monogamy, but either you're having sex to raise your self-esteem or you're not. Similarly, being "completely open and honest" (as they advise) wouldn't seem to jibe with making sure not to have crazy loud wild sex if your other partner is within earshot(as they also advise).
But the biggest contradiction is that in a book filled with every concievable relationship variation, the most memorable chapter is the one where two women meet at a party, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Every other relationship in the book looks like a hobby or a science project in comparison. Could be my "monogamocentric" (yes they actually use this word) bias, mind you.
Monogamy is problematic, no question. But everyone already knows that. Dossie and Catherine don't really make a convincing case in favour of polyamory here, unless endless complications and "managing jealousy" really appeal to you. However, if you've already made up your mind to be poly, this book will give you plenty of reasons to feel contempt for anyone who might question your choices.
And for something close to an opposing viewpoint, I'd strongly recommend The End of Sex by George Leonard. He doesn't spend much time talking about polyamory, but he at least knows how to make his case when he does. He's a lot more convincing than Dossie and Catherine, and in a lot fewer pages. Call me monogamocentric.
Rating: Summary: The Ethical Slut is the best book on poly I've *ever* read! Review: I'd probably have to write a much longer review on _The Ethical Slut_ except DehliaToo has already eloquently said almost all of what I'd like to say. So I'll start by agreeing wholeheartedly. I was actually coming to Amazon.com to purchase no fewer than 3 copies of this book. One for me (one of my lovers bought and loaned me a copy from her local bookstore so i don't have one yet), one for another lover as a late xmas present, and one to loan out--first to otherloves, my mother, father, grandmother, and other family and then to anybody who asks me anything about polyamory. (I'll look forward to the Nice Jewish Girl from New Jersey's book though--I also wish there were more evidence that poly is alive and well on the East Coast) It's that good. Believe it. (I'll add one of my loves quote on the book "This is a book I wish I could just buy a hundred copies of and hand to anyone who asks me anything about poly and say 'Here! Read this! Then we'll talk!'")
|