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Rating: 
Summary: Worked better (and faster) than therapy...
Review:
I originally bought this book so I could better understand
my own mother's lifelong pattern of behavior... But I've come
away from this book seeing as much of myself in it, as I see
her...Both my parents came from homes with domineering,
profoundly unhappy mothers and passive, "broken"
dads... Sadly, my parents re-created this dynamic in their own
home, amplifying it even more (which I could not have
believed was possible).... My mother (whom I now understand, from this book,
was a "classic" narcissist), could be loving and kind
and beautiful one minute, and then change INSTANTLY
into an ugly, sadistic beast -- and then change back
again into her "normal" loving self, just as quickly!! Her "on/off" switch, interestingly, would always be
triggered by GOOD news.... She would rage when I got a bouquet of flowers from
a boyfriend... She would rage when I'd send HER a
bouquet of flowers for her birthday... She would rage when, as a child, I would display any
signs of warmth or attachment to another female adult
(a teacher, a neighbor, a friend's mom)... (...Her favorite line: "So what were the two of you
saying about me, behind my back??"...) My dad, I now understand from this book, was an
"inverted" narcissist... Totally lacking in a distinct
personality of his own... Totally dependent on another
person (first HIS mom, then later, MY mom) for his
belief system, feelings, thoughts, and menu of "acceptable"
behaviors... I'd always thought it was odd, as a child, how he would
actually "take on" the personality of the person he had
most recently interacted with... For instance, he'd be out in the front yard, talking to
one of our neighbors (a very outgoing, athletic man with a
very "strong" personality), and then come back into the house
and go around using the guy's mannerisms, speaking with his
vocal inflections, etc... (Fortunately, it would usually wear off after about an hour
or so...) This book has helped me to diagnose "inverted narcissism"
in myself... A shocking, saddening realization, but at least it
comes with a bit of a silver lining: 1) Unlike my own mother, I'm not sadistic, and
2) I'm at least (capable of becoming) aware of my own
behavior... I know this book is pricey, but if it can help you as much
as it's helped me, by all means get it... It's an investment
in yourself...
Rating:
Summary: Malignant Self-Love
Review: After a horrific experience with a diagnosed Narcissistic personality, I was left confused, distraught, and in search of answers. Sam Vaknin's book "Narcissism Revisited" answered all of my questions, and ultimately helped me to find some sense of closure-- answers I attempted to retrieve from the Narcissistic person (a futile endeavor if you have read Sam's book) but were never forthcoming. There is no one who understands this horrific personality disorder more than he/she who suffers from it. As a diagnosed Narcissist, Sam gives the reader an in-depth-- albeit disturbing--look at what makes the narcissist tick. The author aims the contents towards helping the victims of abusive narcissists, and has been a long-overdue and much-needed plethora of information. I recommend Sam Vaknin's book to anyone who has ever had a close relationship with a narcissist. I hope that anyone in this situation finds the answers they are most likely seeking, and healing from the wounds left by the narcissist in your life. I know it has helped me immensely, as both a victim, a survivor, and a counselor.
Rating:
Summary: OUTSTANDING Precision With The Topic of NPD
Review: After a horrific experience with a diagnosed Narcissistic personality, I was left confused, distraught, and in search of answers. Sam Vaknin's book "Narcissism Revisited" answered all of my questions, and ultimately helped me to find some sense of closure-- answers I attempted to retrieve from the Narcissistic person (a futile endeavor if you have read Sam's book) but were never forthcoming. There is no one who understands this horrific personality disorder more than he/she who suffers from it. As a diagnosed Narcissist, Sam gives the reader an in-depth-- albeit disturbing--look at what makes the narcissist tick. The author aims the contents towards helping the victims of abusive narcissists, and has been a long-overdue and much-needed plethora of information. I recommend Sam Vaknin's book to anyone who has ever had a close relationship with a narcissist. I hope that anyone in this situation finds the answers they are most likely seeking, and healing from the wounds left by the narcissist in your life. I know it has helped me immensely, as both a victim, a survivor, and a counselor.
Rating:
Summary: DO NOT HESITATE TO BUY THIS BOOK
Review: First of all, let me say that I am a bright, well educated (doctorate) woman of some age. After twenty years of living with a Narcissist (although I did not know this syndrome actually had a diagnostic name), being controlled, manipulated, lied to, deceived, cuckolded and gaslighted, I felt quite confident that
1) something was wrong and it had to be me, since he told me that constantly (WRONG),
2) i couldn't put a finger on it, but nothing ever made sense - i could not validate the experiences in this relationship by comparing it to my family - friends - other experiences with men and
3) no one could ever understand because it was such a bizarre situation.
Let me tell you this, and let it be a ray of hope for all of you interested in this book. Vaknin explains this disorder so very well, and he explains the ramifications of living with it and the repercussions, that you will put this book down and scream, "EUREKA! I FOUND IT!"
Any reviews that slam this book have either their basis in not having lived or dealt with someone with NPD or they are one themselves and are in denial and can't stand for someone to NAIL IT ON THE HEAD.
Read the book. And then run for your life and never look back. Ever. Empowering. Engaging. The absolute truth. From someone who should know - Vaknin. Sam, if your disorder was good for only one thing, it was this - to enable you to write this book for the empowerment of those who have been destroyed by narcissists.
And before I end this, lest you think I am a pessimist - I have great friends (many over a whole life, many over the last twenty years, I have wonderful children who love me, I have a good career, a nice home and a lot of other attributes. I travel, have fun, cook, do theater. I was able to rise above the criticism, control, and downspiral that an NPD can do to you. You readers can too. And just knowing that someone could explain it so well is the most amazing thing ever. Thank you Vaknin (just what you wanted to hear, wasn't it Sam?). But thank you anyway.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent resource!
Review: It isn't that often that you know someone who is totally self-consumed and unaware of the needs of others. This person may present himself as a helpful, caring friend, who is overzealous about giving assistance, but subtly manipulates others into thinking he cares. In The Malignant Narcissist, Mr.Vaknin provides the reader a thorough and honest discussion about narcissism, clarifying why most narcissistic relationships don't work. I read this book on a personal level because of my own experience with a narcissistic individual. He was charming, drawing me in, and knew how to compliment and manipulate me. I soon became aware of his personality and felt his control. Mr.Vaknin's book helped me pinpoint the clues that indicated his narcissistic personality. When I first began researching narcissism, I found that many of my questions were still unanswered. I wanted to know the causes of narcissism, how to deal with a narcissistic person, and the prognosis. Sam Vaknin's book, Malignant Love, not only answered my questions, but also provided me with valuable information that I couldn't find elsewhere. His approach is unique because he is a narcissist, and participates in a thorough examination of himself, confronting his own narcissism, enlightening the reader about the causes and ramifications of narcissism. Sam Vaknin's book is a must read for psychologists, social workers, and all individuals who want to learn how to deal with the narcissists in their lives. The information presented in this book is the most exhaustive resource on the subject of narcissism that I have encountered in my research. If you read The Malignant Narcissist, you will need to go no further in your pursuit of information regarding narcissism.
Rating:
Summary: Worked better (and faster) than therapy...
Review: Malignant Self Love does not pretend to be great literature. The value in Sam Vaknin's book is the content, content that enables people who must deal with the difficult and even painful results of interacting with narcissists. Vaknin's Malignant Self Love is an exceptional self-help book. Repeatedly, I have read where people tell of how much the book helps them understand what happened .... even how they sit reading, crying from the overwhelming feelings of finally finding answers, of feeling understood. On the other hand, I have never read where anyone said the book was unhelpful to them or had nothing to add. Personally, Vaknin's book has enabled me to shed most of the painful aspects of dealing with the narcissists in my life. Now I understand the narcissist and understand my role in relating to him/her and them to me. However, I have learned that understanding alone cannot protect you from further harm and hurt, something Sam Vaknin knows better than anyone. Consequently, Malignant Self Love is consistently supportive in helping abused people safely leave their abuser behind. There simply is no other book that begins to approach the topic of Narcissism and narcissistic abuse with more practical helpfulness to the counselor or layman. The main thrust of the book, the vast majority of the content, is practical advice. Most of Malignant Self Love was gleaned from many years of thousands of emails and posts exchanged with narcissists, those who must deal with narcissists, and even correspondence with many professional therapists and counselors. Vaknin's book is always evolving and he often goes back to rewrite responses when he has more to share. No matter what questions you have, whether it is about your personal safety and how to leave your relationship, protecting your children or dealing with a narcissistic business partner or hundreds of other issues, you will almost certainly find the answers in his book. And, perchance, if you should not find your question answered, Sam will always provide you with an answer via email, then add it to his ever growing book so it can help others. If you are interested in Narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you cannot consider yourself well-read on the topic until you have read Vaknin's book.
Rating:
Summary: An insightful view
Review: Sam Vaknin's study of narcissism is truly insightful. The author has done problably more than anyone else to educate others to this poorly understood condition. In this, his twelfth book, he shares his considerable knowledge and experience of narcissism in a comprehensive yet easy to read style.
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