Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

Rating:
Summary: Anyone Advice For Young Women?
Review: Ok, so now I know how to get married IN 6 YEARS (I'm 20). WOO-HOO!

Rating:
Summary: A Book Based on Empirical Data
Review: Overall, if all one wants to learn is how to get married ASAP, this is a good book. The research teams did pay a lot of attention to detail. However, I would like to make one point that came to me while I was reading it. This point is outside the scope of this book but is very important: will a woman be absolutely happier after she has got married? We, as women, must take this into consideration seriously while we are searching for our future husbands. We must fully understand the cost of ownership of a marriage before signing THE contract.

Rating:
Summary: One size doesn't fit all
Review: Why Men Marry Some Women... is a no-nonsense relationship guide that was interesting in places but quite impractical. It encourages women to fit into a pre-prescribed mould based on what `most men want'. The ideas are fairly simplistic and follow what you read in most magazine articles and books about finding a mate - go out more, dress better, make a good first impression, have realistic expections and so on. Unfortunately, the book concentrates on the `rush to the altar' idea that is all too prevalent in guides of this sort.

Some of the advice given seemed useless. For example, men whose parents are not divorced are more likely to get married and other equally innocuous statements. What you are supposed to do with these statements is beyond me. Should you hand out questionnaires to potential mates and screen out all those with separated parents, or different political views, or those who are undergraduates, or living with parents, or of different socio-economic status? I'm guessing not.

At one point the book encourages women to get into groups and practise making `a good first impression'. Such an idea strikes me as horrific and pathetic in the extreme, encouraging women to obsess over every move they make, even something as simple as walking in a room. Another part of the book says `girls, have more fun!' saying that those who marry date more in school, have more boyfriends, and generally `play more', whatever that means. All I can say is, it depends what your idea of fun is. To some people, me included, there are other definitions of fun that don't include endless casual dating and nights out in single bars.

Overall the book is quite dull and the tone can come across as patronising in some places. The idea that women should `do as other engaged/married women do' is utterly ridiculous. Just think of the divorce rate. There is no pre-arranged blueprint for the marrying kind, for males or females. Some of the information may be useful, but these bits are mainly common sense.

JoAnne


Rating:
Summary: The king of "better conform" demeaning drivel strikes again!
Review: Will someone just STOP John Malloy from continuing to publish ridiculous nonsense that preys on women and makes men look stupid beyond belief? You'd think after the 80s "Dress for Success" B.S. we would have learned not to pay attention (just keep thinking "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me"). This book, poorly (not fascinatingly) researched and written, is another Malloy attempt to tell women how to conform into the "dream girl" that will make you wanted -- in the 80s, it was wanted in the boardroom, now it's wanted at the alter. It plays into the inaccurate old insecurity game that (1) very dumb men rule the world, that (2) women must cater to these very dumb men to get what we want, (3) you are not good enough the way you are, and (4) that by donning the perfect uniform, look and checklist persona that all dumb men want, you will be acceptable to them and will then (5) get what you want. Thousands of insecure, career-seeking women bought into it in the 80s, when I was just starting my career. I had a boss that Dressed for Success all the way - miserable boxy man suits, stupid little scarf ties, so that men would find her acceptable in the boardroom. She made me read the book, but I refused to bite. She wound up a very unhappy middle manager - I wound up a successful (married to a great guy, btw) top-level administrator, happy because I did it on my own terms. I kind of think of this book in the same way. Guys who need this "conforming" to find you acceptable "wife material" probably will not be great guys to marry. These types of guys were jerks to work with back in the 80s, and probably are truly jerks as husbands (if you gain 5 lbs or age a year, watch out! Time for a new model! Is that the life you want?).

A first-year grad student could tell you Malloy's "research" is bogus. Slapping the "research" label on is just a new writer's ploy to lend credibility to an agenda and to sell books. Don't buy into the lie that this is well-researched fact. It is not.

If you need a husband so badly that you're willing to give yourself up to land someone who has little respect for you (and probably is a real boor to boot), get this book and wind up with the jerk of your "dreams." It's gonna be more like a nightmare. Better yet, get some counseling. If you want to marry a real man, one with confidence, a great sense of self, intelligence, humor, etc., skip this book altogether.

BTW, Parksy, Malloy is not dealing in fact--as poorly as this book was researched, there are no "facts" to be found--and you're right--I don't like to hear full-out blarney, so he is saying many things I don't care to hear. Not because they are hard truths, but simply because this book is fiction posing as fact. My take is that the criticism of this book is a hard fact that fans of Malloy don't want to hear. But it's truer than anything this book has to offer.