Overcoming Depression (Victory Over the Darkness Series)

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Summary: A Traditional Catholic Approach to Overcoming Depression
Review: While I generally agreed with Neil T. and the Andersons in their Christian approach towards dealing with depression, I would like to here profer an alternative, traditional Irish Catholic way to remedy the harrowing mental disorder -- time-tested and true!

(Parenthetically, I must say that this book itself is a far preferable alternative to the pharmaceutical companies' idea for treating depression which is, namely, prescribing anti-depressant medication, such as Prozac or Lithium. Have you ever *seen* the prices of those pills?!? Right through the roof!)

Personally, I have found the old methods for coping with depression far more realiable, and -- most importantly -- economical. Lately, in order to deal with the mind-numbing boredom of everyday life and the soul-crushing daily defeat of the workplace, I have instead turned to the old, reliable Irish Catholic Depression Therapy that has been passed down my family for countless generations.

Unlike the Andersons' complicated Bible-centered strategies, the Irish Catholic method relies upon the traditional medicinal therapeutic qualities of alcohol. And, unlike flavorless synthetic drugs pushed on the populace by big drug companies, sufferers of depression can mask their sorrows whilst engaging in epicurean pursuits. So chase those blues away while teasing your palate with some of the world's greatest brews and distilled spirits!

Of course, for the uninitiated, the best place to start is with that old Irish stalwart, a frosty pint of Guinness Draught. Close your eyes: Concentrate on your sad and sorry life. Now take a gulp. Feel yourself being released from the throes of melancholy with each successive sip. Now, breathe slowly. Feel your body becoming warm and toasty, your mind slowly releasing its troubles.

Unlike psychiatrists, who charge upwards of $100,- per hour, there's a friendly and engaging guy behind the counter who'll listen to all your troubles for free. Now, engage him with stories about your jerk boss and how he hasn't given you a raise in years. Let it all hang out about your filandering wife and her lousy cooking. Your son the juvenile delinquent and your daughter the floozie, tell him all about them, too. What? He's walking away now, avoiding you? A couple of George Washington portraits left on the counter work better than night crawlers on a starving catfish, and it's a LOT cheaper than Herr Doktor Sigmund Weisenheimer figetting with his Van Dyke beard and staring out the window at the pidgeons while ignoring YOU! Hey, I'm okay, and you're okay too! Just make sure you can walk home on two feet or get the hack driver to give you a lift up the stoop to your house.

By now, all your troubles have gloriously swum downstream that whiskey river and all is right with the world. Life is good!

This method has worked quite splendidly for me. It's much cheaper than psychoanalysis or costly psychtropic capsules. To take advantage of the full effect of Irish Catholic Depression Therapy, make sure to down a pint first thing out of the sack every morning. So that you "don't sweat the small stuff at work," keep a half-pint flask of the small stuff in the back of your desk drawer at the ready for when your boss flies off the handle in a sudden tirade, or your corpse clmibing coworkers decide to use you as a foothold.

Personally, I find that Canadian Club or Tullamore Dew are just what the doctor ordered.

The best part of the Irish Catholic therapy is that it's guilt free (provided you confess your drunken sins to the village Priest every so often)! Those Calvinists with their predestination ain't got nothing on us; I'm sure that there's even plenty of people down in purgatory still on Irish Catholic Depression Therapy.