Rating: 
Summary: The Bible of Our Marriage
Review: Dr. Pat's book clearly and persuasively presents how to find and manage a relationship. She divides the halves of a relationship into two main patterns: "masculine energy" (wanting to be respected, listened to, followed) or feminine energy (wanting your feelings cherished, willing to listen and follow the masculine energy partner's lead). (The usual break-down is masculine energy men: the active pursuer; and feminine energy women: the receptive target, but Pat also advises the reverse on how to find and create their own balanced relationship.) Pat helps you to determine which one you are, and then how to attract and not drive away your complement energy. Too many women act out their masculine energy in the work place all day, and forget to return to their half of the balance when they come home. No (straight) masculine energy man wants to have a competitor, a masculine-energy person (in effect, another man), for his partner. He is looking for a relationship with a receptive and loving feminine-energy woman. Because the workplace drives women to ignore or suppress their feelings, they need to re-ground themselves in feminine energy, to be feelings-centered rather than rational, logical, and directive, to find a solid relationship. By staying grounded in your preferred energy polarity (to an extant Pat suggests you will actively negotiate once you have achieved a joint commitment to monogamy, exclusivity and longevity) you DON???T end up with two of the same ??~ends of the magnet??? pushing each other away! Her book is just marvellous and TOTALLY useful! I periodically re-read it for "innoculations" in retaining my focus, and not shifting randomly or unexpectedly between feminine energy and masculine energy (and yes, I got married about 10 months after finding her book!)
Rating:
Summary: This book is a must read for anyone wanting a long term rela
Review: Getting to I Do is a must read for anyone who wants to find, keep, and/or improve a long term relationship/marraige. Dr. Pat's principles work equally well for straight relationships, gay relationships, lesbian relationships, and/or transgendered relationships. Pat's basic premis is that for along-term relationship to work, one parter must be the masculine/yang/ thinking energy in the relationship, while the other partner is the feminine/yin/feeling partner in the relationship. I have noticed that a few customers have disagreed with Dr. Pat's principles,most of the disagreements expressed seem to be due to the fact that these readers may not have read the book thoroughly and carefully. In the following paragraphs, I will list the complaints that the readers have expressed, and then I will explain why these readers have misunderstood what Dr. Pat is trying to say. The first complaint that readers express is that they believe that Dr. Pat is saying that a feminine energy person must only participate in "femine type tasks". Dr. Pat does not say this at all. In fact, Dr. Pat says that there is no such thing as a task that is clearly masculine or clearly feminine. In other words, Dr. Pat says that the feminine partner in the relationship can fix cars, play football, etc. and the masculine partner in the relationship can sew, do dishes, etc. The second complaint that readers have is that Dr. Pat refers to androgynous people as narcisits. If these readers would truly analyze what Dr. Pat is saying, they would realize that her description of a narcisist is a person who wants both their feelings and thoughts respected by their partner. She does not mean narcisist in the sense of describing a person who is self-obsessed and does not care about people. Readers should realize that words often have more than one meaning. For example, the word "right" can mean a direction or point of reference such as being right-handed or making a right turn, and in a different context it can describe being accurate or correct, such as doing the right thing or picking the right answer. Keeping this in mind, readers should realize that Dr. Pat's definition of narcisist is different from the definition that we commonly use. The third misconception that readers have about Dr. Pat is that they think that she is saying that the masculine partner in the relationship must be masculine in every aspect of his or her life, and the feminine partner in the relationship must be feminine in every aspect of his or her life. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. She simply says that a person should maintain their primarilly masculin or primarilly feminine role when interacting with his or her spouse. The feminine partner in the relationship can be masculine at work, on the athletic field, when interacting with his or her friends, etc. etc--just not with his or her spouse. And the masculine partner in the relationship can be feminine when interacting with his or her friends, family, etc--just not with his or her spouse. Dr. Pat clearly states that each of us has both masculine and feminine energy, and that we can incorporate both those energies into any or all of our activities and interactions outside of our relationships. Another complaint that some readers express is that they think Dr. Pat is saying that the masculine energy partener in the relationship can never express his or her feelings in the relationship and the feminine energy person can never express his or her thoughts in the relationship. If these readers would read the book more carefully, they would see that Dr Pat clearly states that while the masculine energy partner should primarilly be the thinker and the feminine partner should primarilly be the feeler, the partners can switch roles when necessary as long as they ask each other for permission before they do so. For example, if the masculine partner wants to express his or her feelings, he or she should say the following to his or her partner: "I have a feeling I would like to express, would you like to hear it now, or would you rather hear it sometime before bed." Likewise, if the feminine partner in the relationship wants to express a thought or idea, he or she would say "I have a thought/idea that I would like to share with you, would you like to here it now or hear it sometime before bed?". The fith complaint that many readers have is that they think that Dr. Pat believes that the woman should be feminine and the man should be masculine. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. All she says is that one of the partners should be masculine and the other partner should be feminine--therefore, she says that a successful relationship could consist of a masculine man and a feminine woman, a masculine woman and a feminine man, a masculine man and a feminine man, or a masculine woman and a feminine woman. The sixth complaint that readers have is that they think that a person should not have to choose to play a role in order to be in a relationship. Well, the bottom line is that anything worth while in life recquires some sort of sacrifice and hard work. If one wants to drive a car, he or she needs to pay insurance and take a driving test. If one wants to be a good piano player, her or she needs to practice playing scales and reading music. If one wants a college degree, he or she needs to spend a lot of hours studying. If one wants to lose weight, he ors he needs to eat healthey and exercise. Therefore, one needs to realize that if he or she wants a long term relationship/marraige that is happy and healthy for both partners, then he or she has to be willing to do hard work and makes some sacrifices/compromises--otherwise the person should either remain single, be in a co-dependent/dysfunctional relationship, or just have short term/casual relationships. In closing, I suggest that if you have not read Getting to I Do, you should read it. And if you have read it and don't like it, you should read it again--this time read it more slowly and more carefully.
Rating:
Summary: This book is a must read for anyone wanting a long term rela
Review: Getting to I Do is a must read for anyone who wants to find, keep, and/or improve a long term relationship/marraige. Dr. Pat's principles work equally well for straight relationships, gay relationships, lesbian relationships, and/or transgendered relationships. Pat's basic premis is that for along-term relationship to work, one parter must be the masculine/yang/ thinking energy in the relationship, while the other partner is the feminine/yin/feeling partner in the relationship. I have noticed that a few customers have disagreed with Dr. Pat's principles,most of the disagreements expressed seem to be due to the fact that these readers may not have read the book thoroughly and carefully. In the following paragraphs, I will list the complaints that the readers have expressed, and then I will explain why these readers have misunderstood what Dr. Pat is trying to say. The first complaint that readers express is that they believe that Dr. Pat is saying that a feminine energy person must only participate in "femine type tasks". Dr. Pat does not say this at all. In fact, Dr. Pat says that there is no such thing as a task that is clearly masculine or clearly feminine. In other words, Dr. Pat says that the feminine partner in the relationship can fix cars, play football, etc. and the masculine partner in the relationship can sew, do dishes, etc. The second complaint that readers have is that Dr. Pat refers to androgynous people as narcisits. If these readers would truly analyze what Dr. Pat is saying, they would realize that her description of a narcisist is a person who wants both their feelings and thoughts respected by their partner. She does not mean narcisist in the sense of describing a person who is self-obsessed and does not care about people. Readers should realize that words often have more than one meaning. For example, the word "right" can mean a direction or point of reference such as being right-handed or making a right turn, and in a different context it can describe being accurate or correct, such as doing the right thing or picking the right answer. Keeping this in mind, readers should realize that Dr. Pat's definition of narcisist is different from the definition that we commonly use. The third misconception that readers have about Dr. Pat is that they think that she is saying that the masculine partner in the relationship must be masculine in every aspect of his or her life, and the feminine partner in the relationship must be feminine in every aspect of his or her life. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. She simply says that a person should maintain their primarilly masculin or primarilly feminine role when interacting with his or her spouse. The feminine partner in the relationship can be masculine at work, on the athletic field, when interacting with his or her friends, etc. etc--just not with his or her spouse. And the masculine partner in the relationship can be feminine when interacting with his or her friends, family, etc--just not with his or her spouse. Dr. Pat clearly states that each of us has both masculine and feminine energy, and that we can incorporate both those energies into any or all of our activities and interactions outside of our relationships. Another complaint that some readers express is that they think Dr. Pat is saying that the masculine energy partener in the relationship can never express his or her feelings in the relationship and the feminine energy person can never express his or her thoughts in the relationship. If these readers would read the book more carefully, they would see that Dr Pat clearly states that while the masculine energy partner should primarilly be the thinker and the feminine partner should primarilly be the feeler, the partners can switch roles when necessary as long as they ask each other for permission before they do so. For example, if the masculine partner wants to express his or her feelings, he or she should say the following to his or her partner: "I have a feeling I would like to express, would you like to hear it now, or would you rather hear it sometime before bed." Likewise, if the feminine partner in the relationship wants to express a thought or idea, he or she would say "I have a thought/idea that I would like to share with you, would you like to here it now or hear it sometime before bed?". The fith complaint that many readers have is that they think that Dr. Pat believes that the woman should be feminine and the man should be masculine. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. All she says is that one of the partners should be masculine and the other partner should be feminine--therefore, she says that a successful relationship could consist of a masculine man and a feminine woman, a masculine woman and a feminine man, a masculine man and a feminine man, or a masculine woman and a feminine woman. The sixth complaint that readers have is that they think that a person should not have to choose to play a role in order to be in a relationship. Well, the bottom line is that anything worth while in life recquires some sort of sacrifice and hard work. If one wants to drive a car, he or she needs to pay insurance and take a driving test. If one wants to be a good piano player, her or she needs to practice playing scales and reading music. If one wants a college degree, he or she needs to spend a lot of hours studying. If one wants to lose weight, he ors he needs to eat healthey and exercise. Therefore, one needs to realize that if he or she wants a long term relationship/marraige that is happy and healthy for both partners, then he or she has to be willing to do hard work and makes some sacrifices/compromises--otherwise the person should either remain single, be in a co-dependent/dysfunctional relationship, or just have short term/casual relationships. In closing, I suggest that if you have not read Getting to I Do, you should read it. And if you have read it and don't like it, you should read it again--this time read it more slowly and more carefully.
Rating:
Summary: If I'd only known then....
Review: I first read this book after ending a 4 year relationship. I remember standing in the bookstore looking (skeptically) at all of the relationship books, when the title of this one caught my eye. I said to myself, "yeah, right". When I picked it off the shelf, I noticed a quote from Marianne Williamson, who at the time was the Spiritual Leader of the church I was attending. Having much respect for her, I read the first few pages. Immediately, I was hooked. I after reading the book, I purchased two more copies for single friends. (I'm actually online this morning to purchase more copies) As I explained to them, the title really doesn't do the book justice. For me, it was more than getting married, it was about understanding myself and my energy and the role I played in relationships.
Rating:
Summary: simply the BOSS!
Review: I wish I could give this book negative stars. If you are a "player" you will love the book since it certainly describes in detail how to be a manipulative, condescending, controlling person. If you believe in honest, up-front relationships like I do, don't waste your time reading this. One of Dr. Allen's basic premises in the book is to choose to play either the feminine role or the masculine role in the relationship. You can't do both. It's all or nothing. Your partner must play the opposite role that you are. Then, like it or not, that is the role you must adhere to in order to keep the peace. It will involve not being yourself or doing what comes natural to you in many instances, but that is what you must do. This is all so ludicrous in my view. Why not find a person that has a combination of feminine and masculine qualities that you like and are comfortable with and then be yourself in the relationship? Does Dr. Allen really think that playing a role will lead to bliss, rather than building up anxiety and discontent since you aren't being yourself? You are being dishonest by acting in this manner, although she suggests you be true to yourself several times in the book. One piece of advice that she gives is to dress good, smell good, and act like "you want to get laid" to get the man you want. Then after you get him, start negotiating what it is that you really want. You may give him things, but never, ever as much as he gives you, regardless of how much you would like to. Yes, this is a book for players. It does provide a certain balance for the male player books that are out there, however. The author strikes me as incredibly self-righteous with comments like "Sperm is cheap; eggs are precious." I did learn, however, that only men have ... performance problems. Her assertion is that every ... dysfunction is a male problem and women don't have such things. Or if they do, it was caused by a man thereby forcing the woman to "be ready to defend myself against your insensitivity, rather than surrender my body to you." If you want a healthy relationship, don't waste your time reading this...
Rating:
Summary: Shocking!
Review: Please don't be put off by the corny title. And if you're looking for a sweet book with easy solutions, this is probably not a book you would enjoy because I think the material kind of requires an open mind and a willingness to sacrifice certain behaviors. Personally, in the end, I found the rewards to be great. I owe the success of my marriage (8 years and counting) to this book. Of all the books I have read (and I read A LOT), I tell you, sincerely, that "Getting to I Do" is among the top 5 most life-transforming. Several of my friends have also had good results. If I had one criticism it would be that I hate the cover!
Rating:
Summary: Thanks Dr. Allen
Review: This book has been a tremendous help for me. The first time I read it I was surprised to find out that I was overwhelmingly female energy when it came to romantic relationships. Similarly, I had been surprised to find out that I was an extreme "feeler" (NF) on the Myers-Briggs standard personality test, which some critics of Dr. Allen's book may find more "scientific". For years I wondered why I felt unhappy in relationships and in my prestigious corporate job and tried to understand why climbing a career ladder and making money was supposed to be so important in a woman's life. The two discoveries - my female energy and my feeling personality - made me make career changes and relationship choices that ultimately made me feel so much happier. The best Dr. Allen's book has done for me is clearly show that I need to trust my feelings and intuition and do not let myself be intimidated into doing things that do not feel good to me. In result, I have had much more enjoyable relationships. Even though none has resulted in what I ultimately wish for - marriage and kids - at least I was treated well. If I had only known earlier in life (I am 35) that being "female" and "feeling" were OK! I wish somebody - preferably a male psychologist - would write a similar book for men, so that the masculine ones among them stop acting like cry-babies, Peter Pans, or "machos", if they want to earn a woman's love and respect. Thanks, Dr. Allen. My feeling intuition tells me that my masculine man is out there somewhere looking for me. All I have to do is look good, feel good, and smile when he shows up. And, man, do I like looking good and feeling good!
Rating:
Summary: The Truth about Relationships Leading to Marriage
Review: This book is phenomenal. I attempted to read it about 5 years ago and became angry with the book, put it down and never thought of it again. I am now 29 and ready for a committed, leading-to-marriage relationship. So, I decided to give it another try. Thank goodness I did! I couldn't put the book down! I read it in 2 days & feel like I have never had such clarity concerning male-female energy relationships. As I read it, I found that often I sabotage my own relationships by not being true to myself. This book shows me how to 1) figure out WHO I AM AND LOVE MYSELF 2) how to demonstrate my true energy in a relationship 3) when to decide to have sex & why it's so incredibly important to do EXACTLY AS THIS BOOK RECOMMENDS! I recommend this book to every strong, over achieving, female energy that strives for EQUALITY. Why? Because it will shake up your definition of equality & force you to look at yourself & your current actions/beliefs! I also recommend this for those of you who are tired of sticking it out in those relationships with the guy who "will come around" to marrying you. Maybe, after reading this, you (like me) will figure out that you haven't been with the man who really fits you at all. NOW'S THE TIME TO DISCOVER HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF & THEN FIND THE MAN WHO WILL LOVE YOU THAT WAY TOO!!! Read this book...and keep an open mind because what you read is nothing like what you've heard about equality! Try to give it a fair full read even if it makes you angry. Anything that makes you angry is hitting something passionate inside of you and could change you forever! =)
Rating: 
Summary: I don't buy it
Review: THis book was lent to me by a woman I was dating, interestigly enough until just recently, although I suspect we will remain friends.
I read this book in the hopes that it would bring insight on how to meet the woman of my dreams or love of my life. That special someone... I think you know what I am talking about. I have never written a review about a book before and have never felt as compelled to share how much I did not like this book. Much of how I felt goes along the lines of what other reviewers wrote (The single Stars that is).
I truly believe that relationships are about negotiation and a mesh of differing styles and approaches to your partner,life and its problems. I also know about the subtle use of manipulation to get what you want(I was an adolescent Drug Treatment counselor for 7 years)--- This book had me feeling very angry and feeling like I don't want to be involved with someone who ascribes to some of the main suggestions in this book.
As a man interested in doing "the right thing" finding that special person-- I would absolutely not recommend this book. The book says things that seem practicle and are commonly accepted types of things but then follows up with a twisted and convoluted approach to relationships.
So in closing Guys-- Stay away.. There is another review that suggest some books and I am going to check them out.
To women: I wish you the best in finding that man of your dreams, but there has got to be some better choices for advice on relationships.
Rating:
Summary: A Kinder, Gentler book
Review: This book was the best relationship book I've ever read! One thing I loved about it is that it doesn't take the same "he's no good for you anyway" stance that most of your friends would give you. This book teaches you to look at your relationship more objectively, and then make informed decisions about your next step. I felt empowered after reading it! It gives you the tools to better understand your mate and to help you take your relationship in the direction that suits you! I've recommended it to many friends (don't all of us go through this at some point?) and every single one has come back to me to thank me. A must read for anyone who's in a relationship that has, seemingly, halted. It worked for me! I was married 9 months ago to the man of my dreams :)
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