Rating: 
Summary: Don't judge this book by it's title
Review: Although it's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction to the title, try to be open minded, there is a lot of value in this well-written book. Doyle promotes women being the boss at work and equal pay for equal work. This book is specifically about women trying to find intimacy in marriage, based on her experience. The author clearly states that surrendered does not mean submissive or silent. A surrendered wife cleanly expresses how SHE feels and what SHE wants instead of trying to control her husband. Surrendering is coming to terms with reality--that YOU are the only one YOU can change. Doyle gives practical tips and tools for replacing critical, controlling, or nagging behavior with respect, trust and gratitude. (Criticism does have a chilling effect on intimacy.) Like the serenity prayer says, God grant me the courage to change what I can(me), to accept what I cannot change(him), and the wisdom to know the difference (between him & me). If you are interested in finding more intimacy in your marriage (remember the man who wooed you and you married?), take the challenge to read TSW, and really listen and think about these ideas. Note: If your spouse is an alcoholic, a drug/gambling addict, physically abusive or incapable of being faithful, Doyle doesn't advise surrendering.
Rating: 
Summary: It works when you try it....
Review: I always hated those smug happy couples. You know the ones. But then I met my husband, and a lot of things changed for me. He is such a wonderful man, and I had such a terrible history with relationships; I wanted to find a way to preserve this happiness. I also had the additional problem of his ex-wife being very emasculating, and his self-esteem was low. Having heard so many horror stories of marriages beginning blissfully enough but ultimately descending to utter failure, I was looking for some reasonable advice that would give me some kind of control over that. I stumbled upon this book and found that instinctively, I was doing many of these things. When you love a man, you are always more feminine. Her book helped to clarify why I was feeling compelled to act this way, and had many good suggestions for maintaining this in the long term. No one can ever convince me that I am doing the wrong thing. My husband is a truly remarkable man who takes incredibly good care of me, our respective children and our home, while still being as romantic and tender as he was in the beginning. In fact, it has only gotten better as I have learned to be more consistent, and he has learned that I trust him completely to be the man he naturally is. I cannot overemphasize how happy and successful we are as a couple, *especially* through the hard times. This is what Laura Doyle is trying to say, and once you understand that in your gut, the suggestions aren't threatening at all. I can't imagine a married woman not wanting this kind of happiness. Once things start working for you, it doesn't seem hard at all.
Rating: 
Summary: Marital Peace indeed, but at what price?!
Review: I bought this book from an airport bookshop, because of its catchy title and I read most of it on my long flight. It was obviously an easy read and I found it to be quite "amusing"! This book would have been far more helpful to many more couples if it addressed both men and women. So a better book would have been: The Surrendered Partner: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace in your marriage In many marriages it's the man who is controlling rather than the woman, and a marriage based on mutual trust and respect is certainly much healthier than one based on nagging, controlling and criticizing your partner. Many times if one wants change one should start with oneself, and this applies to both wives and husbands. The concept that it's entirely up to the wife to fix the marriage and that women should play the role of "doll" rather than the role of " partner", is certainly flawed. . However, I have to admit that the 8 hours I spent on this book were of some use. I tried to be less critical and more encouraging of my husband and after sometime I found that he started to be less critical and more encouraging to me. I hated handling the budget, not that I was not doing a good job, and for a long time hesitated to ask my husband to take over. This book made me insist that it was finally his turn (neither of us likes budgeting!) Oh that was such a relief! So reading this book, in a very strange way has improved my marriage and my life! However I am certain that there must me more balanced relationship books out there, so look around before buying this one!
Rating:
Summary: Yucky title, some good ideas, very weak on parenting
Review: I HATED the title of this book. "surrendered" to me means giving up, coming out with your hands up, losing. And yes I know in the dictionary it says "positively yielding". However I DID read the book twice. I think some of it is really useful and I've put some of it into practice. And it's pretty effective. I have a problem with the finance side of things though. What do you do if your husband and you have very different attitudes to finance? I have no problems believing that my husband could handle the finances..he's an excellent money manager...better than me, but I run my own business and prefer to manage it myself and it's not a big deal. And I also dislike the idea of having to explain what I want to spend X for...
Where i think the book is really really weak is on the whole issue of parenting. According to SW, if a wife sees a husband doing something in the parenting line she disagrees with, she should just go along with it anyhow. And while I am happy to accept that my husband and I parent differently, there are certain things I feel really strongly about that I don't want him to do and frankly, I think I would be remiss if I didn't state my objections and refuse to go along with things I disagree with. According to Laura Doyle, that is being controlling. I think it's interesting to note that she doesn't have any children...On certain aspects of marriage this is excellent and would definitely make married life much easier. On other aspects, as far as I am concerned the jury is out.
Rating: 
Summary: Some Right, Some Wrong
Review: I have read this book twice. I am fairly strong-willed and so is my husband, but we also love each other and defer to each other if the other person is more adamant about their preference in a given situation. We have been together for 5 wonderful years.
Some of the advice given in this book is indeed correct and I have been doing it since long before I read this book. But some of it is simply wrong, or too extreme. Here are some examples of the good and bad:
-Express your desires: good
-Ask for help: good
-Don't take responsibility for everything, but allow your partner to be responsible for a lot, too: good
-Focus on the positive attributes of your partner: good
-Express appreciation for what your partner does: good
-Don't insist on making all the decisions: good
-Don't assume your partner is incompetent: good
-Don't point out mistakes that are obvious: good
-Never tell your husband your opinion on which method of doing something is better: bad
-Never ever give your husband advice--even when asked: bad
-Never criticize anything about your husband ever: bad
.....(However one should learn to give constructive criticism gently and only when necessary).....
-Force yourself to trust your husband without any evidence that he is trustworthy: bad
.....(However one should certainly give one's partner the chance to earn trust before assuming he/she is untrustworthy. A real chance, not a test rigged against him/her that he/she cannot ever pass).....
-Even if you know your husband's action will lead to inconvenience or negative consequences, do not ever tell him, but let him suffer the consequences and learn from them on his own: bad
.....(This one is especially disrespectful! By doing this, you assume that he is only capable of learning through experience, like a child or an animal, rather than having the adult ability to learn through abstract reasoning based on 2nd-hand information).....
-Responsibility for finances should always be held by the husband: bad
Well, this is a sample of some of the advice given in this book. Like I said, some of it is obviously good advice, and just common sense really. But some of it advocates dishonesty not only with your husband, but with yourself as well. Luckily I have a husband who appreciates my good judgement and is genuinely interested in my opinions (as well as my desires and tastes), just as I appreciate his judgement and opinions. We had a good laugh together over some of the silly things in this book.
To be fair, though, some of the extreme or silly advice in this book might be the only way for some women to stop nagging and criticizing. I mean, if your only choice is between a huge negative (being a mean, controlling, overcritical, unloving wife) and a smaller negative (withholding many of your good qualities, dishonesty)--if you are simply NOT CAPABLE of anything else, then I guess you have to choose the smaller negative.
Or, if your husband is incapable of receiving and utilizing any kind of advice or constructive criticism, but you decide that his positive qualities outweigh this particular immaturity, then choosing to follow all the advice in this book might be your only option.
Rating:
Summary: It works when you try it....
Review: I liked a lot of what this book had to offer. There were things that just wouldn't work in a lot of relationships though, so you really have to just take what feels right for yourself and ignore the rest. The main point that she made that I really did like, and which I feel would help a lot of marriages, even good marriages, is the advice to state what you want clearly. This is something I feel can improve all aspects of your life. To state clearly your desires with the actual words "I want" or "I don't want", is empowering. The hard part is taking the second action after the want is stated, which is to let your husband fullfill this want for you, in his own way and time. Don't be mislead by the title, this book really isn't about being totally submissive and ignoring your wants and needs. It is actually about getting more of what you want by repecting your partner. You can read the whole first chapter and intro on the Surrendered Wife website, and then decide if it is for you or not.
Rating:
Summary: Surprised!
Review: I'm a newlywed with a very stubborn and independent husband. Funny thing is, I am the same way! We got along great when we were dating and on our best polite behavior, but when we got married we began to jockey over who would be the one in charge.
This book is great for couples like us. I do not think the ideas in this book are right for everyone. But if you are very strong-willed woman and always have something to say, the tips in this book may help you to realize that keeping quiet could make your life easier.
It is also kind of fun to say "Whatever you think!" when you really want to say "That's idiotic!" I get a chuckle out of that every time.
Since I began using (most of) the advice in this book my husband and I have stopped fighting and it is much calmer and more fun in our house. My husband is more loving and affectionate, too.
Some of the ideas in the book may not be right for your situation but you can pick and choose and still come out ahead.
Rating:
Summary: I finally have a MAN for a husband!
Review: I've been married for 9 years, contemplating ending the marriage for the last two - not for any big reason, just because my husband seemed to be too childish and foolish... I felt that I was doing all the work in the relationship and the house and the finances, and he... wasn't.
I read The Surrendered Wife about a month ago, and have really tried to follow its lessons. Essentially, I am respecting my husband's ideas and decisions, and allowing him to run things his way.
Amazingly, not only have we not tumbled into bankruptcy, he is planning a vacation for us for next weekend (and yes, he IS booking it all himself and choosing the destination :). I've wanted to go away for ages, but it never happened before... interesting how it now seems like it's HIS idea. :)
I hated the idea of this book, BEFORE I READ IT. Now I understand that 'surrendered' does not equal 'doormat'. It DOES equal 'respect for my husband and his decisions'... and it's the best thing that could ever have happened to us!
Rating:
Summary: Not totally Surrendered to this Book
Review: Now, I would only recommend this book to a Christian woman already grounded in her faith. It is not a "Christian" book, but it does advise submission. Only, Laura Doyle calls it "Surrender" instead. The only items in the book I disagree with are A) She concludes that our husbands looking at porn is not our business and B) she uses a chapter to advise seeking a "higher power" but says it doesn't have to be God. So, be advised, if this book is on your To Read list, that you will need to use discernment. Reading it, if nothing else, showed me some patterns I have developed in my marriage, showed me some ways I try to control life and my husband that I never would have considered controlling before and showed me how I take some frustration out on Corey that comes from somewhere else entirely. Her thoughts on self-care, family finances, and nagging are very very helpful.
Rating:
Summary: DO NOT LET THE TITLE FOOL YOU!
Review: This book is not about "dumbing down", being blindly submissive, or disregarding your inner voices. It is a book that makes some very valid points, including 1) Gender Equality does NOT mean that a wife has to control every aspect of her marriage 2) A woman that cannot take care of her OWN needs first and foremost, is not going to make a happy anything, let alone a happy wife 3) And, if you treat your husband as if you are his mother, he will probably think of you as his mother.
This book instructs women on how to relinquish control of their husbands, and uses real life stories and intelligent reasoning to illustrate the instructions.
Laura Doyle advocates taking care of yourself as a woman, realizing that you HAVE no control over others actions (which is why the book is NOT intended for husbands), and to feel good about 2 simple phrases: "I WANT" and "I CAN'T". As women, we have been taught that saying "I want" is selfish and non-productive, and saying "I can't" is a veritable kick in Susan B. Anthony's teeth. While as reasonable beings we know that neither case is true, we still hold those predjudices in our hearts and minds.
This book is definatly a survival guide for all of us Super Women, but also for the 1950's throw back in most of us, that allows us to reason that by telling our husband "what he needs to do", we are helping and protecting him. Guess what? That is what HIS mom did...and he probably is not very attracted to his mother.
Take care of yourself as a woman, allow him to take care of himself as a man, and the twain shall meet nicely, productively, and intimately. In short, a Surrendered Wife is not a passive, mindless whelp, but a strong woman who has surrendered control over others. There is a very wise lesson in this, although a common sense one, that seems to have been left behind by my generation in order to acheive elusive happiness.
If you want to be married to the man who proposed to you, this book is a MUST!
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