To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women

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Summary: Library Journal Review
Review: 11/01/1997: The estimation that "four million women a year" are battered by their partners makes this unique guide regrettably necessary. Social worker Brewster, who has survived a batterer, aims to help those who would like to be "an anchor" to a battered woman. In contrast to a rescuer or a distancer, the anchor is a "healthy" supporter who believes the woman, takes her abuse seriously, remains neutral, respects and honors her decisions and feelings, and does not give advice. Writing in a clear, conversational style, Brewster aims to help the "anchor" with this daunting task. In addition, she provides five especially useful appendixes that address state-by-state resources, legal advocacy, counseling and professional help, signs of emotional illness, and signs of substance abuse and child neglect. Many books address the issue of battered women, but this is perhaps the first that is meant to help those who want to help. For all libraries. Barbara O'Hara, Free Lib. of Philadelphia

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Summary: Why I wrote To Be An Anchor In The Storm
Review:

Anyone can find him/herself caring about a friend or relative who is in an abusive relationship. It was extremely important to me, in writing this book, that I make it compelling, accurate and above all readable by anyone regardless of that person's background or level of education. So, rather than overwhelm the reader with psychological jargon, I explain concepts using common language, an anchor metaphor and many real life case examples.

As a seasoned psychotherapist with years of experience working with violent couples and as a formerly battered woman myself, I have a unique perspective on the problem of "intimate abuse". When friends started coming to me for help with their abused sisters, aunts, cousins and friends, and there was no book to which I could refer them that would address their needs I began to work with them myself. I've come to believe that relatives and friends can be the most influential people in an abused woman's life. They can positively or negatively impact her life depending on how they handle the abuse she suffers and their relationship with her.

I wrote this book to give those people who care most about an abused woman the tools to make a difference in her life. Along the way their lives may change for the better as well.

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Summary: must-read for anyone who finds out the secrets
Review: practical information on how you can help, and, just as important, how you can't help. i wish every doctor, social worker, nurse, police officer, paramedic would read it.

the book itself is a labor of love, as is the process it describes. and the techniques can be applied to other relationships as well.

i'm so grateful for the advice.

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Summary: Practical and Helpful!
Review: This book has been an excellent resource for me and I'm so glad I bought it! I am a clinical social worker and on many occasions I have referred clients to this book. When you have a tool like this, you can really help make a difference in people's lives. My preference would have had practical advice more clearly separated from vignettes. I don't think this takes away from the overall benefits of the book, though.

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Summary: Outstanding resource
Review: This is one of the finest books I have read on domestic violence. As the director of a domestic violence program, I have been enthusiastically recommending it to clients, colleagues and friends alike.

The real strength of this book is that it gives those who want to help a perspective and specific tools and guidelines for supporting a woman who is being abused. Too many resources are basically compendia of the facts about battering and lists of (national) resources; this book is a written hands-on support system for those who are the victim's support system. Best of all, the auther consistently maintains complete respect for the victim's need to make her own decisions, and she shows the reader how to struggle successfully with the desire to jump in and fix it (or to run away from the problem altogether). She includes issues relevant to battered men, as well as a section on "if you're a friend of the abuser."

Perhaps the most telling comment I have heard about this book was given by one of my hotline trainees. She read it close to the end of her 40-hour intensive training, which had included experts from all areas, lots of information about the dynamics of battering, films, and hours of role-plays. Her comment to the rest of the trainees was "Up until I read this book, it was all still kind of unclear to me how to put all this information together. Now I feel like I really GET what it is we're doing here on this hotline."

According to Strauss and Gelles, the majority of battered women don't look for help to the police, doctors, or therapists. They look to their friends and family. Most often, those friends and family genuinely want to help, but don't know how to. This book will finally teach them how. It could be the most influential (in a quiet way) book to come out of the battered women's movement in the past few years.