Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?: End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children

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Summary: Recommended for anyone seeking to improve parenting skills.
Review: Charles Elliott and Laura Smith collaborate to teach about parenting through the use of stories as the employ three families to take the reader on a journey toward improving themselves to become better, more effective parents. Each family present specific parenting problems: Debra and Quinton (the overprotective mother who blames her son's behavior problems on others and the son who constantly gets into trouble at school); Jennifer and Jerod (the mother who can't say no to her son and blames herself for his problems, and the son who faces a possible second stay in the detention center); Kenneth, Sally, Lindsey and Nick (Ken loves his wife and kids but is driving them away with his constant criticism and control, while Sally is ready to give up on their marriage, and their kids, Lindsey and Nick, retaliate with silence or sarcasm). Why Can't I Be The Parent I Want To Be? enables the readers to discover their own "schemas", their repetitive nature, and the power they wield as parents as its guides them toward self-understanding, self-acceptance, and innovative ways of changing both thought and behavior. By the time the last page is read and the book set down, the readers will have discovered how to be the parents that already exist in their hearts and hopes.

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Summary: For questions, resources, & tips
Review: Children killing children. Our kids face a frightening, changing world. A world full of violence, designer drugs, and the Internet. An expanding world of opportunity and danger. Parenting matters. In fact, research convinces us that violence begins with problematic parenting and that the solution lies in improving parent/child relationships.

Yet, parenting has never been harder. No wonder 9,396 books are available on Amazon.com. to tell parents how to do a better job. So why write another one? What could possibly make our book, Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?, unique?

Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?, approaches parenting from a dramatically different perspective. We believe that parents already know how to raise children. They get more advice than they need. After all, we know kids need firm but reasonable limits, we know we shouldn't scream and yell at our kids, and we know we shouldn't give into their tantrums. But we all make these mistakes. Over and over. Why? Because all parents have emotional hot buttons that sabotage their parenting. Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be? is the first book to address the emotional hot buttons parents face in trying to do what's best for their kids.

This book is fun to read! You'll learn about parents' emotional hot buttons and how to change them by reading stories of families doing the same. You can also read what the experts say. For example, John Rosemond said, "Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be? will surprise and delight you." And Aaron Beck, M.D. said, "In a masterful way, these authors draw on their immense clinical experience to provide a clear, comprehensive guide for parents attempting to do what's best for their children."

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Summary: How to be the parent we want to be........
Review: In Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?, the authors assure parents that they already know what to do, but oftentimes fail to do what they know is right. This is usually due to some emotional obstacle that prevents parents from following through on their good intentions. The authors do a great job in explaining why parents get caught up in these emotional struggles, how to recognize problems and learn to be the parent they want to be.

Though written by psychologists (and with a foreword written by psychologist John Rosemond), the book - while scholarly - is quite easily understood and is an enjoyable read. They use the stories of three families to teach the various principles, which is one thing that makes the book so enjoyable. While the stories of the three families may not be identical to our own, there is much we can all relate to in them.

This book is for any parent who welcomes a common-sense approach to parenting. It also helps parents to assess their parenting style and then gives practical suggestions for change when needed, how to set parenting goals, and specific ways of getting there. The authors use the word "schema" quite a bit. They say that schemas are what we all use to make sense of the world, and that schemas help people create meaning about who they are. Schemas categorize and organize information. Knowing what schemas are is helpful to parents, they say, so parents won't have to struggle to be the parent they want to be. It was fascinating to learn what schemas are, how they are formed, and how the knowledge of schemas can be of help in parenting.

I especially found Chapter Five helpful and interesting. Entitled "Beyond Insight, Preparing for Action," it tells how to take action after we've gained the insight we need as parents, and these actions help us to make meaningful changes in our parenting. There are more exercises in this chapter to do which are fun, and helps us to understand further what our goals are and what we need to do to reach them. I found it quite helpful and enlightening and definitely recommend others try it, too.

I enjoyed reading, and learning from, this book very much, and I know others will, too. It is thoughtfully, creatively written and useful for all parents.

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Summary: An Amazing Helpful Book!
Review: This was a very helpful book for me! I am the parent of 4 very energetic kids and I have gone to many parenting classes and read lots of parenting books, all gave advice but I could never follow the advice. This book was written for the everyday parent in a language that even I can understand. They gave me advice and solutions to help control my temper and help me with some parenting advice that I really needed! My kids are more under control and listen to what I say! Thanks alot to the writers of this book! Me and my kids are doing alot better!