Rating: 
Summary: Interesting anecdotes and insight
Review: In The Starter Marriage, Pamela Paul provides an interesting mix of statistics and stories to flesh out an unexplored phenomenon in the world of modern marriage. While several decades have passed since divorce became commonplace, the increase in "starter marriages" is something different. Starter marriages, lasting less than five years and producing no children, are much simpler to dissolve than the traditional divorce, which is followed by years of visitation, support payments, and often legal conflict. Yet the emotional aftermath of a starter marriage is more serious than one might imagine. You will walk away from this book with a new understanding and familiarity which Ms. Paul is particularly able to give, being both a professional in demographics, and a veteran of her own starter marriage.
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Summary: This should be required reading for anybody marrying young.
Review: Marriage is so vital -- why do people treat it lightly? I recently saw author Pamela Paul on an old episode of the television show "Politically Incorrect" in which she was pitted against a man who was trying to sell marriage seminars based on his patented "three As". "All you need for a happy marriage," he insisted, was for the man to be "attentive, appreciative, and accommodating". This, he felt, would get a relationship past financial difficulties, ethical differences, family opposition, health problems, loss of mutual attraction, or any other problems the world can dish out on a young marriage (or that the couple can dish out on each other). Pamela Paul knows better, and she cut this guy down in a sentence that had the audience laughing to tears. Her book describes the complex trends that have led to younger marriages in the United States and younger divorces. She confounds simplistic politics by simultaneously supporting marriage and divorce -- even quick divorce if that can minimize the damage to the people involved, and get them apart before they have kids. The "reviewer misses the point" review mentions a second important dichotomy in this book -- it is both rational and emotional. The book reveals massive research and an understanding of the deep hurt suffered by those who divorce young. You can't help but wish them all better than they got. This is a fascinating book that I recommend to all.
Rating: 
Summary: Like marriage, know what to expect before going in....
Review: Pamela Paul does an excellent job here breaking down what she describes as a "starter marriage": a childless first marriage for someone in their twenties lasting less than five years. In interviews with sixty starter marriage survivors (all white, middle class Gen Xers), Paul explores how, when, and why this generation seems to be rushing headlong into and out of marriage. (For the first generation to be raised in a culture of widespread divorce, we seem to be remarkably optimistic about the raptures of the marriage state.) Her examination is thorough and compelling. Paul strikes an easy balance between research and anecdotes that keeps most of the book moving nicely. While Paul lays out the evidence well, she does a much poorer job tying it together nor does she do a great job objectively presenting the "pro-marriage" point of view. I would be more convinced by her argument if it didn't appear clouded by her political beliefs. For example, after setting up a straw man of the "promarriage camp", she asks: "Who's pro-marriage now?" Uncalled for. On the whole, a fine book. I would recommend two things: skip the last two chapters and, if you're depressed by the anecdotes, read "Happily Ever After" by Betsy Stone for ways to combat some of the pitfalls Pamela Paul points out.
Rating:
Summary: Like marriage, know what to expect before going in....
Review: Pamela Paul does an excellent job here breaking down what she describes as a "starter marriage": a childless first marriage for someone in their twenties lasting less than five years. In interviews with sixty starter marriage survivors (all white, middle class Gen Xers), Paul explores how, when, and why this generation seems to be rushing headlong into and out of marriage. (For the first generation to be raised in a culture of widespread divorce, we seem to be remarkably optimistic about the raptures of the marriage state.) Her examination is thorough and compelling. Paul strikes an easy balance between research and anecdotes that keeps most of the book moving nicely. While Paul lays out the evidence well, she does a much poorer job tying it together nor does she do a great job objectively presenting the "pro-marriage" point of view. I would be more convinced by her argument if it didn't appear clouded by her political beliefs. For example, after setting up a straw man of the "promarriage camp", she asks: "Who's pro-marriage now?" Uncalled for. On the whole, a fine book. I would recommend two things: skip the last two chapters and, if you're depressed by the anecdotes, read "Happily Ever After" by Betsy Stone for ways to combat some of the pitfalls Pamela Paul points out.
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Summary: Be Married For The Right Reasons And Work On It!
Review: Pamela Paul gives her audience an excellent account of the causes and effects of a far-reaching social phenomenon called the "Starter Marriage." Paul makes an emotional plea to her readers, whatever their current or past personal status, for opening their eyes and ears about the challenges and rewards of marriage. Her positive message is especially relevant because many of her readers have been actors or witnesses of starter marriages. Paul's book is an excellent topic of discussion for singles, divorced and married people that could be used to help reduce the high rate of divorces and therefore strengthen the marriage that plays a key role in our society.
Rating:
Summary: A thoughtful look at an important social phenomenon
Review: Pamela Paul has given us ALL--single, married, divorced--a thoughtful, searching examination of an important social phenomenon. Most of us know at least one couple who split soon after the wedding, and Paul's book goes a long way toward explaining how and why such a thing could happen. Vividly written and cogently argued, "The Starter Marriage" raises provocative questions about generational differences, media messages and our culture's attitude toward committment. Well done!
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Summary: Buy it mostly for the anecdotes.
Review: Paul has done extensive interviews with more than sixty individuals who have had what she terms "starter marriages"--marriages that end soon, within five years, and are without children. She sprinkles anecdotes from these interviews liberally throughout her book, and they are touching, poignant, and informative. Unfortunately the rest of her book doesn't live up to the anecdotes.
Paul cobbles together facts and figures from a variety of sources without an in-depth exploration of what these facts and figures might mean. She also often resorts to unsupported or dubiously supported assertions--for example, at one point she backs up an assertion that modern generations are increasingly impatient and unable to deal with change with the "factoid" that most people will not wait more than eight seconds for a web-page to load before going elsewhere. I found this a somewhat less than convincing support for her argument.
Some have complained that Paul caricatures the pro-marriage movement, which I feel is an accurate criticism of her book, and she is also often inconsistent. For example, she asserts that pre-divorce counseling programs will not stop divorce because her informants essentially felt that their marriage was all over but the paperwork from the time they decided on divorce, but elsewhere acknowledges that many of her informants, in retrospect, felt that their marriage could have been saved if they had worked harder at it, had more understanding of themselves and of marriage, or if they had had a more mature and realistic idea of what to expect from a relationship. This suggests that good marriage counselling might have been able to save some of these starter marriages; after all, even Paul acknowledges that even the best relationships can go through periods where the partners are profoundly disillusioned with each other and the relationship and may be ready to call it quits. If a couple is *really* bent on divorce, a few counselling sessions aren't going to stop them, but for couples who are less sure, counselling sessions or even a waiting period might provide them with the ability to work through their problems and perhaps even emerge with a stronger relationship.
In summary, while this book has some good anecdotes, and offers some food for thought for anyone who is contemplating marriage, it is also oddly shallow, and often inconsistent and contradictory. Of course, shallow as it is, it is still better than many books in the field (a sad commentary on the state of the field!) and as such, may be worth reading. Just don't take it too seriously.
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Summary: Compelling Analysis of Twenty- and Thirty-Somethings
Review: This absorbing portrait of starter marriage and divorce is instructive and solution-oriented. Despite its focus on divorce, I'll be recommending it to my single, engaged and married friends. Paul's discussion of matrimony works well as a jumping-off point for a larger project: a nuanced analysis of twenty- and thirty-somethings. She zeroes in on character traits that many emergent adults downplay, like loneliness and competitiveness. Paul's description of our generation's sky-high expectations and pitfalls reminds me of a line from F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel "This Side of Paradise": "You're a slave, a bound helpless slave to one thing in the world, your imagination."
Rating: 
Summary: Not that much here
Review: This book has received way more hype and attention than it deserves. Perhaps the author has shown up on all the TV shows dealing with marriage and relationships (i.e., women's shows) because the gist of the book can be conveyed in a couple of sentences (or just the catchy title) and is easily grasped. So there's enough of an idea here for a decent magazine article but not a book. I didn't think the book was convincing in its main theses about this supposedly new form of marriage: a) that this is a new phenomenon; b) that it signals some new and important trend about marriage. First, I believe marriages which ended after a few years without the birth of a child have been around for as long as people have been getting married. Researchers have been telling us a long time that infertility is right up there as one of the main reasons for divorce (first or second). Having children within a couple of years of a marriage was generally expected both by society and the marrying pair. In some societies, a marriage wasn't really official until a child came along. Some percentage of couples are just not biologically viable in this regard. When a child didn't happen the couple split up to seek their fortunes elsewhere. Yes, this fact was usually not highly advertised in the community for obvious reasons. It was best to put the episode in the past and move on, especially while the woman was still reasonably young. The introduction of oral contraceptives forty years ago added a new twist to this, namely intentional "infertility" for a possibily extended period of time (until the couple was ready to have a child). And, yes, more women spending their twenties pursuing careers of various sorts adds yet another obvious twist, but I don't think the author had a sufficiently good grip on the fundamental factors to really impress me; instead she seems distracted by things which are only marginally relevant IMO. I could also add an anecdotal story about someone, a baby-boomer, who ended a "starter marriage" after 4-5 years exactly as per the definition in the book nearly twenty years ago -- again casting doubt in my mind as to whether this is really something new with the Gen-X'ers; perhaps this couple was just way ahead of their time. (Both shortly found new partners and started having kids.) More demographic data could have made the case the book is trying to make better than the many tales of shattered expectations and broken marriages that are related. Well, if this is maybe not really a new thing then the idea that it's signalling some new trend in marriage is also dubious. I think marriage has been changing in several ways as of late, but this book didn't really nail it from my perspective. I didn't think the book was terrible, just that a lot of it was padded with material which really wasn't needed or made only minor, peripheral points. I give it 2 1/2 stars and round down because it concentrates too much on women's concerns. It might be more valuable as a semi-therapeutic read for someone (esp. a woman) who had experienced a first, childless marriage and was trying to process what it all meant.
Rating: 
Summary: One Excellent Point... HORRIBLE SOLUTIONS !!!!!
Review: This book is given 1 star for one excellent point. Paul's solutions are that young people should be taught "what marriage can and cannot offer" and to have "realistic expectations" long before the engagement party. This is an EXCELLENT point. Her other points will lead to more tragic relationship mistakes and divorces. She suggests the solutions lie in celebrating delayed marriages and more people should accept cohabitation as a method of confirming couple compatibility. Are you nuts???? Delaying marriage (and not marrying at all) is ONLY wise when you are clueless about marriage reality. Hence, it we take your advice, delaying marriage is not the answer. The second suggestion has NO MERIT whatsoever. Accept cohabitation... HA! Those who co-habit are more likely to end up in divorce and with broken marriages and lives, not better.
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