When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends : Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

Rating:
Summary: Super!
Review: Concise and amazingly accurate description of the painful relationhip between some daughters and their mothers. Absolutely amazing...I am not crazy! Through understand, one is able to deal with the mixed bag of emotions. Wish I had found this book earlier in my life.

Rating:
Summary: Super!
Review: Concise and amazingly accurate description of the painful relationhip between some daughters and their mothers. Absolutely amazing...I am not crazy! Through understand, one is able to deal with the mixed bag of emotions. Wish I had found this book earlier in my life.

Rating:
Summary: A Must Read for Daughters
Review: Fianlly, a book with some answers! It was so truthful, I was shocked! It said everyhting I was feeling, and then some! It was a very detailed book, with many quotes from daughters and experts. If you ever wondered why it is nearly impossible to deal with you mom, (and your brother got off easy), why you still want to talk to her even when you are angry... This book discusses the major types of mothers and daughters, why there is guilt in "not liking your mom", and how to resolve what you can with your mom while being realistic. Even if your mom has passed away or you have a great relationship this book will still help explain a very important realtionship that affects every area of one's life.

Rating:
Summary: MUST READING FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER.
Review: Finally! Victoria Secunda provides insight and understanding in place of anger, fear and helplessness. I found myself weeping with each new revelation. No wonder I feel like this! No wonder I did that! Help comes at last with Secunda's clear and concise recipes for dealing with and healing the emotionally-charged mother/daughter relationship. I immediately purchased copies of the book for my mother and my daughter. I think it will open a door for communication between us that never existed before. Thank you Victoria Secunda!

Rating:
Summary: Quest for resolution
Review: I cannot begin to explain the reassurance I gained from this book. For the first time ever, I believe that there is hope that I will find resolution to the demons of my childhood. I never before thought that it would be possible to do this since only half of the equation wants to change (me), or even thinks that a problem still exists. But this book helped me realize that I can, one day, find a peace with my past that is not dependent on my mothers willingness to reconcile. This is the first book on the subject that I have read (and there have been numerous) that didn't make me feel like I was taking a class or doing research. Segunda's style is easy reading and I was able to connect with many of her interviews as well as her insight. Highly recommended.

Rating:
Summary: What a treasure!
Review: I have searched for a book that could help me to understand my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother. This book not only described my mother to the "tee" but I also found myself in this book! I really believed I was alone in this situation but I've found that not only am I not the only one whose mother couldn't show me love and affection while criticising me non-stop, I am also not the only daughter to come out of it relatively intact and strengthened because of it. Yes, I do have emotional issues that still need to be addressed surrounding my childhood and Ms. Secunda addressed those as well! She has come up with categories for mother and daughter -Angel, Defector - Smotherer, Avenger that are so right on it is scary! This book is a miracle! If you're relationship with your mother still eats away at you after years of frustration and pain buy this book now! There is so much healing in simply understanding the past and present dynamics in your family. You will be shocked to learn how common these issues are in families! Though my family is and was extremely dysfunctional, there really are other people out there dealing with the same behavior!

Rating:
Summary: What a treasure!
Review: I have searched for a book that could help me to understand my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother. This book not only described my mother to the "tee" but I also found myself in this book! I really believed I was alone in this situation but I've found that not only am I not the only one whose mother couldn't show me love and affection while criticising me non-stop, I am also not the only daughter to come out of it relatively intact and strengthened because of it. Yes, I do have emotional issues that still need to be addressed surrounding my childhood and Ms. Secunda addressed those as well! She has come up with categories for mother and daughter -Angel, Defector - Smotherer, Avenger that are so right on it is scary! This book is a miracle! If you're relationship with your mother still eats away at you after years of frustration and pain buy this book now! There is so much healing in simply understanding the past and present dynamics in your family. You will be shocked to learn how common these issues are in families! Though my family is and was extremely dysfunctional, there really are other people out there dealing with the same behavior!

Rating:
Summary: Healing and empathetic -- a blueprint for change
Review: I read this book a couple of years ago, and it literally changed my life. For so many years I felt guilty about the tensions between my hyper-critical mother and myself -- as if it were somehow my fault that she got under my skin and that I should somehow be able to rise above it and simply accept her for who she is, which is what a lot of "experts" on this subject seem to suggest. Victoria Secunda takes a different perspective -- she looks at the situation from the daughter's point of view. Her first goal is to empathize with the daughters who are suffering from their mothers' unhealthy patterns, and to validate their feelings. She describes the "Bad Mommy Taboo," which is society's tendency to glorify the mother-daughter connection and condemn all valid negative feelings daughters might have toward their moms. This leaves the daughters feeling as if their pain is somehow their own doing; that daring to find fault with their mothers makes them horrible, ungrateful children. Thankfully, Secunda, by naming this syndrome, gives us permission to look at our mothers more objectively. I'm now at the stage where I am working on myself, trying to strengthen my boundaries and sense of self, because I now know my mother won't change -- she'll probably keep her critical ways for the rest of her life. My pain is real, however, and I'm working on transforming it. Secunda shows us how, and gives us hope that we don't have to prolong these patterns into the next generation. This book is a wonderful gift from the author to daughters everywhere. I marvel at the courage it must have taken to write it! Thank you Victoria Secunda!!!

Rating:
Summary: I WISH I HAD READ THIS TEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!
Review: If I had, maybe the last decade would have been better for me, but the future is brighter now that I have read this book. This book could have been written about me,it hit so close to home. It has helped me move beyond being bound by the pain of this dysfunctional relationship and view the pathos between us subjectively. Thanks to this book, I will actually have a future without being terrorized by my avenger mother type. Thank you so much, and gals, trust me, you need this book!!!!!

Rating:
Summary: Outstanding and Life Changing
Review: If you have lived with a cruel mother, and suffered silently because you were too embarassed to tell anyone that your Mother didn't love you, this book will change your life. I read this book about 7 years ago, and it was the beginning of the end of my relationship problems, and general self loathing. Highly, highly recommend.