Rating: 
Summary: Needs to be more balanced -- too pessimistic
Review: I found the book a too pessimistic and to formulaic. The author paints a fascinating picture of a general breakdown of a relationship with Initiators, etc, but leaves the reader with the impression that this is an inevitable process, like the rising sun. I realize the author has approached the subject "scientifically" (since she 'uncoupled' and is trying to make sense of it, but I feel the book may be a bit misleading to couples who may be separated or having problems. Does the author truly believe once "uncoupling' starts, all marriages are doomed for divorce? Is there truly no hope for these couples?
Rating: 
Summary: Extremely helpful when I left my husband
Review: I found this book very helpful when I was making the decision whether to leave my husband. Eventually I did, after reading this book and the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It helped me to understand that emotionally I'd already left my husband a long time ago. It also helped me understand the "grieving" process my husband went through in the months after I left and we began divorcing. Because of that understanding I was able to keep a good friendship alive with my soon-to-be ex-husband.
Rating:
Summary: excellent book to help understand process of "uncoupling"
Review: I have read this book several times since it was first published in the early 90's and found it to be very informative and helpful in understanding what was going on during my process of uncoupling (divorcing)at that time. Ms. Vaughan has done an excellent job of presenting her material in a very readable and interesting fashion. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I highly recommend this book for human service professionals and the layman alike.
Rating:
Summary: When its over, its over.
Review: I too found this book very helpfull in understanding my divorce. I don't agree with the other reviews that the book in doom and gloom. It's a close description of what happens and if you do want to change something it is best to understand what is going on. One reviewer said that this didn't give must hope to the intiator on how to save the relationship, well the initiator is the one that wants to leave!! It's the other partner, that probably didn't realize anything was happening, that needs the help on restoring the relationship.
When its over, its over. Trying to keep a bad relationship alive can hurt everyone involved. Beating a dead horse tends to stir up a bad smell and a cloud of flys.
Rating:
Summary: The truth hurts but understanding is better than not
Review: I've been through the mill when it comes to relationship. I've been the dumper, dumpee, cheater, cheated on, etc... This book is an incredible book! It's not a manual, it's not 12 step program, it's not even a rule book...it's a book that opens the window when you lock yourself in a dark room after you've been through a break up. No matter how much it hurts, this book will help you to keep going long after you think you can't. Thank you to the author who took the time and invest in the research to write this book for the sake of all who suffers in relationships. It's writing like this that make a difference in people's life for the better.
Rating:
Summary: A book that looks at both sides
Review: Recommended by my cousin who went through a similar divorce as mine. It doesn't matter if he left you or you left him, this book will give you insight into your behavior and reactions. It also begins to help you understand what your ex-spouse is feeling. It validated us both.
Rating:
Summary: The devestating truth you may not be ready to hear or face
Review: Regrettably, chances are that you will look for and find this book far too late in the process of uncoupling to save your own relationship. For the "initiator" has all the power to end or save a relationship and put the "partner" through hell in the process. If you're the initiator, stop what you are doing, read this book and carefully consider the spiraling path to relationship destruction you are on. Either way, I believe that you will learn more from reading this book than a dozen others. Much more than from marriage counselors or even Psychologists. But the truth may be hard to take. It was for me as I was looking for help in saving my relationship from my wife's affair. Alas, she had long since started a transition out of our relationship and redefining me in negative terms. This book will help you understand why the person you love can turn on you like a rabid dog, rip your beating heart from your chest, throw it in a blender and hit frappe! Eventually you will want answers whatever the emotional cost and this book is filled with them. However, if you are one of the fortuitous or lucky ones fortunate enough to find this before it is too late, then read, learn and act now before your life is sucked through a crushing black hole of change very few are ready for.
Rating:
Summary: The devestating truth you may not be ready to hear or face
Review: Regrettably, chances are that you will look for and find this book far too late in the process of uncoupling to save your own relationship. For the "initiator" has all the power to end or save a relationship and put the "partner" through hell in the process. If you're the initiator, stop what you are doing, read this book and carefully consider the spiraling path to relationship destruction you are on. Either way, I believe that you will learn more from reading this book than a dozen others. Much more than from marriage counselors or even Psychologists. But the truth may be hard to take. It was for me as I was looking for help in saving my relationship from my wife's affair. Alas, she had long since started a transition out of our relationship and redefining me in negative terms. This book will help you understand why the person you love can turn on you like a rabid dog, rip your beating heart from your chest, throw it in a blender and hit frappe! Eventually you will want answers whatever the emotional cost and this book is filled with them. However, if you are one of the fortuitous or lucky ones fortunate enough to find this before it is too late, then read, learn and act now before your life is sucked through a crushing black hole of change very few are ready for.
Rating: 
Summary: dismal and destructive
Review: This book claims to be for all couples and claims to be a way to strengthen a relationship, but the author is very negative. The book has lots of quotes from people about what went wrong - some written with so much pain that it was obvious the couples didn't try hard enough to stay together. Each quote has stats "such and so, divorced so many years." This book is not a study of what went wrong in relationships and how to keep it from happening - it is a how to manual to distance yourself emotionally from your spouse so you can get a divorce with little guilt. If you are looking for justification for not trying to make your marriage work - then you will probably enjoy this book. It states that some things are just going to happen to you - death, joy, divorce. Not might happen, but will happen. What a sad book.
Rating: 
Summary: Sociology, not self-help
Review: This book is a sociological study--it discusses processes and patterns that typically occur as relationships fall apart. As such, it does not provide solutions, fingers to put in the dike, compresses to stop the bleeding--in fact, it makes clear that most such measures are, finally, ineffectual. At the same time, every relationship is singular--statistics portray the behavior of groups, without necessarily predicting individual outcomes. If you are looking for a book that forces you to consider the individual and personal perspective in a damaged relationship, I strongly recommend "Should you leave?" by Peter Kramer. Nonetheless, it is both enlightening and depressing to recognize "Damn, we've done that" as you read this book. One final note: Ms. Vaughan's writing style is academic and often less than felicitous. The comparison between the liveliness and complexity of life shown in the quotations and her own dry, sometimes reductive commentary frequently annoyed me.
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