Rating: 
Summary: Realistic; visionary; possibly life-changing
Review: "What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us" absolutely stuns me. Aside from the author's obvious felicity with words, and the depth and breadth of her knowledge, I found myself pretty much shocked as I went from chapter to chapter. Simply put, Ms. Crittenden has done an excellent job of research and of drawing ideas to their logical conclusions. Based upon hundreds of interviews, and what were probably endless hours at the Library of Congress reading tome after tome about the conditions of women, Ms. Crittenden has written a policy book that I believe every couple should read--both the man and the woman. Single people in their twenties and thirties should read it--it will starkly clarify for you much of how the world works. But reader beware: cheesy as this may sound, the honesty of the book is not for those whose minds are caulked by ideology. You will find yourself challenged. But ultimately, Ms. Crittenden writes with what seems to be unanswerable logic, and also with great heart. I truly hope that this book sets off the national debate that it should.
Rating: 
Summary: Good ideas, but an immature perspective
Review: There is much common sense here which has been lost as women have been encouraged to deny their biological self. Most women do want to "someday" marry a wonderful man and have beautiful children. Danielle Crittenden makes a case for women to follow their instincts. The author seems to think that her experience with two children is enough to justify her sometimes harsh judgements of other women. She sees humor in a mother's unwillingness to leave her baby with a stranger so she can go out to dinner, yet Ms. Crittenden reacts negatively to a woman who leaves her baby with a sitter so that she can work. My point is that leaving your baby is leaving your baby. And being there for your baby means taking care of her, even if it is in the middle of the night. (The author prefers to let the baby learn to cry itself to sleep.) The author also betrays a negative attitude toward mothers that choose to stay home and not pursue a career. Writing of her daughter, "Yes, I want her to be accomplished and fulfilled in her work, to be interested in the world, for her soul to be broadened by ideas, by religion, by books. But I also want her to be a wife and mother, and to experience the joys that come from these roles, their duties and sacrifices, their incomparable love." Wait a minute, I did not realize that when I chose to stay home with my children I also gave up my interest in the world. We have struggled financially because of this decision but I have not lost opportunities to be involved in many outside interests. My "working mother" friends would lament that they do not have the time to read books, participate in a religious study group, pursue art, music, volunteer work, politics, hobbies like gardening, etc. The author also seems to suggest that the greater sacrifice is in staying home with your children. I believe that duties and sacrifices are involved in any worthwhile accomplishment. There are certainly many sacrifices, duties, and boring, repetitive tasks in a forty hour work week. Does a paycheck negate this fact? I would like the author to take the same care in contemplating what she will tell to her son about these facts of life, as she ponders her talks with her daughter. Will she tell him that it is an honor to support his family so that his wife can focus her energy on her young family? Will she encourage her son to let his wife know that her value and identity are NOT in her occupation, but in who she is as a woman, wife and mother? Will she tell him that when he or his wife choses to put external rewards and accomplishments before their family that the real sacrifice will be felt by their children and experienced in their relationships?
Rating:
Summary: Super Insight from a Superwoman!
Review: Wow, what an amazing woman, this Danielle Crittenden! Such piercing insight, such faultless perspicacity! Mr David Frum must be a very lucky man to be married to such a superwoman (in fact, as I read it I kept remarking to myself that a woman of her calibre could have done better than Frum!). It takes a lot for a woman from a society such as hers to have the will and strength of mind to recognise and point out what Ms Crittenden does -- hence the "superwoman" designation. Crittenden provides an excellent indictment of feminism. She points to the baleful results of the foolhardy behavior feminism has encouraged of women, exemplified in the absurdity of 'sexual liberation', and rightfully ridicules how the present condition of women could be considered a success. However, her solution is simply that of women 'realizing' their more fulfilling purpose through what biology obviously suggests of them. She does not deal with the fundamental problem that has caused women to act in such an imprudent manner in the first place. This problem is the basis upon which their society derives value and significance, something that can only be achieved in the workplace, inevitably leaving women who choose to act in a more biologically rational manner feeling left out of the loop. Let me explain. How do women living in a society that prides itself on its more intangible qualities, such as an ineffable joie de vivre, feel about themselves and their roles when compared to societies that base their pride more on their tangible achievements, such as in industry, technology, science and so forth? In the former society, women are more likely to take part in and contribute to defining the national identity to the same degree as the men of that society, even if their roles revolve around maternal duties. In France, for example, they can drink the same wine as their men, something that is quite central to their identity. They can speak the same French language as their men, a mainstay of French culture. They can indulge in that same ineffable joie de vivre that the French haughtily consider to be the fundamental distinction separating the civilized from the barbarian. In Italy, their cooking is quite central to the national identity, and it is indeed such cuisine that has constituted much of what Italians are known for around the world. They can partake of la dolce vita to the same degree as any man in Italy, something that was never denied their mothers or their grandmothers. Such Latin societies, of course, are proud of their nation's technical sophistication and advancement, but such pride takes a secondary place to the feeling they have for their culture and civilization, expressed through the less tangible qualities and things in life, the primary basis upon which they base their identity and national pride. In the latter society, where national pride is based more on tangible achievements, we face a problem with regard to the position of women and how they progressively feel about their roles. If women's roles in such a society revolve around maternal duties, and that society bases its identity and national pride on its tangible accomplishments, then such women are going to feel rather left out of the loop. This is because in such societies the role of creating and contributing to the national identity is solely reserved for the men ' its male scientists, male businessmen, male politicians, male astronauts, male generals, male journalists, male professors. Thus, in such societies the workplace assumes a significance not given it in industrialized but Latin societies: that of being fundamental to the national identity and therefore to satisfaction with gender roles. The hand that rocks the cradle in Germanic societies, therefore, is marginalized and, sooner or later, such women not surprisingly revolt and demand a piece of the pie. The maternal role, thus depreciated and minimized, is understandably discarded with alacrity and the business suit and combat boots adopted in its place, together with an apposite scowl. But kudos to Ms Crittenden for this excellent, powerful work. A superwoman, to be sure!
Rating:
Summary: A sea-change in ideology, thank God
Review: This book, as well as Wendy Shalit's _A Return to Modesty_ instigated an intense period of self-reflection and a decision to re-prioritize my life. I no longer pretend that my career is my identity, and I no longer apologize or attempt to hide my new standard for men. All those emasculated, wishy-washy, committment-phobic, so-called "liberated" guys need not apply. : ) I am 29 and fervently wish that these two books (Crittenden's and Shalit's) had been written 10 years ago. Perhaps I would have stopped being a lemming then, marching to the beat of the feminist agenda and thinking it "normal" and "healthy". The classic feminist ideology caters to an extremely narrow way of life for women -- in essense, it throws the baby out with the bathwater. I'm glad there are viable alternatives for women today -- we can choose careers AFTER the children are older and avoid the guilt,paradox, and fallout of being a "working mother". Now if only the leftist feminists would jump on this bandwagon too, we could all take them a little more seriously.
Rating:
Summary: Right on the Money...Whether We'll Admit or Not!
Review: There's a very obvious reason this book and its author find themselves at the center of controversy: the logic of this book rings all too true. As I read it, I was at first offended, then sad, then convinced that someone had bugged my home, office and brain. Crittenden is, by any standard, an astute observer of today's woman. She illustrates the unspoken sentiments of millions of women. As a single 35-year-old woman, I would love nothing more than to deny the truth of her rather grim assessments, but in my heart, I know she's right on the money in her evaluation of virtually every single woman I know. What's more disturbing to me is that I can't say these feelings I have are the product of any pressure to be married from the outside. They are the product of a natural longing the majority of women throughout the ages have had. I have been oppressed by no one into thinking I'm lesser for being single, but I have to admit I do feel somewhat unfulfilled and incomplete. There's more to life than just earning a paycheck or having the luxury of painting your toenails at three in the morning (I always laugh when I read articles on the so-called advantages of singlehood- as if things like ordering takeout or rearranging furniture on a whim can take the place of a the satisfaction of marriage and motherhood!) While I don't believe marriage is a cure-all and singleness is a curse, I do believe that this generation has perhaps too quickly dismissed the natural patterns and longings of womanhood to our everlasting regret. Why would a job-any job- give anywhere near the same level of delight as having and raising a child? A job can be gone in an instant, but I've never heard of a mother being downsized. Unappreciated, at times, yes- but God knows we've all felt that on the job, too! And why should marriage spell the end of our identities and creativities? An awful lot of men out there can be quite wonderful and supportive. In my experience, most men have been far more forgiving of me and generous with me than I've been of myself (or other women, for that matter). To avoid half the population because of a few undesirables is about as ridiculous as avoiding breathing because of the possibility of air pollution. To those who have no interest in men, marriage and motherhood-fine, by all means, skip them. But let those of us who want those things be free to choose them without feeling like we're weak-willed wimps because of it. It's ironic that the generation of women hell-bent on "having it all" may in the end have less satisfaction than any generation prior.Crittenden has given women a lot to consider- and reconsider. I thank her for articulating so well the secret longings of single women's souls.
Rating: 
Summary: Pollution to those seeking a solution
Review: While the author does address the fact that many of her generation are not happy, she forgets the psyche of the entire generation. Yes, women may be a little selfish in this generation, but so are the men. When this fact is recognized, her entire theory begins to unravel. The book becomes one of a women trying to affirm that her choice is the right one, even if it isn't.
If you truly look into her argument, it becomes very simple, and something that any women should take complete offense to: Women should sacrifice, while it is wrong to ask men to. Women should give up their jobs for the family, even if they are the better worker, while men should merrily continue to work and not shoulder resposibility of family life. Instead of arguing that all people with children must be parents (whether mother or father) she seems to argue that only women should. When she gives examples of women to support her claim, ask yourself this: have you ever met any women like this in your entire life?
This book is not a breath of fresh air, it's piece of sensationalism that puts even more pressure on the modern women trying to truly find where she fits in a society that for such a long time did not want her to be apart. Instead of criticizing the anti-family atmosphere of the business world or the the consumerism and selfishness that pervades society, she criticizes women who are just trying to figure out how to be happy in a society that still doesn't quite allow them to be. If staying home doesn't make a women happy, why should she? Is it only a male right to be happy? Any good points she may have had are lost in the stereotyping, bad evidence, and sensationalized view prevalent through out this book.
Don't fall for her twisted message that can't be supported by facts of any kind. Don't bother buying a copy, it will only anger you (if you truly have studied the situation of women in the US) and this coming from an individual taht is relatively conservative and a strong believer in the importance of good parenting.
Rating:
Summary: Infuriating...
Review: Are you a woman who has been searching and searching for a book that would get you extremely ticked off? Well, look no further, my friend, for your search is over. Why DOES happiness elude the modern woman? Well, I don't think Ms. Crittenden really offers any definitive answers, except that she seems to lay all the blame squarely on the shoulders of Germaine Greer, Betty Friedan, and other leaders of the second-wave movement of feminism. Some of her advice includes marrying early and having a baby prior to having a career--after all, grad school can wait until your children are in school. The question I would love to ask her is how she thinks two twenty-year-olds can afford to have and support a child when neither has graduated from college and has a career that pays enough. Oh, that's right...the man can keep going to college and get a degree and pay. The woman can put hers off until her children are in school. I am also impressed by the fact that she thinks that, when her children go to school around the age of six or so, a woman would have enough time to work on her degree, especially something as time-consuming as a thesis or dissertation. After all, the child will come home around three and someone has to make sure the child is looked after and fed. Since the man will be working to bring the money in, obviously, the woman will need to provide this care. This makes it seem that it would not be feasible to devote sufficient time to an education, undergrad or otherwise, until the child is at least twelve to thirteen years old. She also states that a woman is selfish if she prefers to have a career AND have a child, since that child will not be properly cared for if a woman desires to continue working after the child's birth. For those who argue that they need two incomes to get by, Ms. Crittenden cries foul. After all, families in the fifties got by on one income (although maybe just barely) and maybe these modern parents need to just forego some of their luxuries so that one parent can stay home. She doesn't seem to realize that sometimes it's NOT really feasible to get by on one income, and that if a family would try it, they just may find themselves below the poverty line. She does make some interesting points here and there--such as women used to say they didn't want to be dependent on a man and, therefore, are now dependent on state institutions such as welfare and other things when they are rendered single mothers for whatever reason--but overall, this book is simply infuriating. She states that divorce is now "acceptable" when a man simply wants to leave his aging wife for a much younger woman, something I find hard to believe. I would be willing to bet that most people would find a man who did that utterly despicable. Divorce, in fact, should be acceptable--not for those men who want to run off and have an affair, but simply so that women can leave husbands who are abusive or leave those men who are having the affairs without social consequence. Ms. Crittenden's reasons for "why happiness eludes the modern woman" definitely seem flimsy at best. I most definitely wish that I had spent the money on one of the many other books that I want to read that surely are more worthwhile. But, like I said, if you want to read all about what a selfish *&#^$ you are for wanting to have a career AND children (how dare you), have at it.
Rating:
Summary: Challenge yourself ...and read this book
Review: True, this book will annoy you if you are either struggling to make ends meet (I mean struggling to survive, not struggling to pay your Ann Taylor card off) or if you are an ambitious career woman who has no particular interest in being a full-time mom (totally legitimate BTW). However as a 26 year old from DC I know a lot of highly intelligent women my age who have great jobs but are not fulfilled by them and DO wish for something more meaningful-like a family. Not that they would dare admit it to many people because in this town that is akin to admitting you have "given up". This book isn't for everyone but believe me there is a fairly large group out there for whom this will really ring true. I know a couple of middle-age women who are trying (rather hard) to get pregnant (one with, one without a partner) and feel very misguided by the "have it all" mantra that they heard growing up. In fact their "great" job is becoming a distasteful reminder of what they had to put aside to get ahead. It's too bad that women who stay home with kids are branded so negatively in the more accomplished circles of major cities. I know if/when I choose this path I will have no support from anyone that I am currently close to. It's pretty sad. As usual-what began as a movement to give us freedom has turned against a large portion of those it meant to help. It is a privileged financial state to have the means to stay home with your kid-- but when doing the math how many people consider Pottery Barn furniture and dinner out 3 nights a week a necessity? Yeah, some people need to lower their materialistic cravings and consider what really matters in life. If you have an amazing career then stick with it my all means but many people stay at jobs they don't like to fund an overly indulgent life and send their kids to daycare just because that's the way things go around here. Crittenden is just pointing out that each woman can reevaluate what she wants to do (not follow those around her). This will strengthen your position whatever it is. Women my age are fully aware of how far they can go with their job and that is where they reap praise-not from being a mother/wife. If you look to the future what does that do for the family? More high stress overly-materialistic lifestyles. On the other hand, you take a few years off to raise your kids before they go to school and you lose so much momentum in your career-then what kind of example are you setting for your child (especially daughter?) This is a serious sacrifice for a woman to make. These issues need to be readdressed. Why not read a book like this to get yourself thinking about them?
Rating:
Summary: what males want you to think
Review: EQUAL ( appeciation )or pay has ALWAYS been ignored by people like you,and the male population, when it comes to managing and maintaining a HOUSEHOLD, MUCH less a home! shame on you for saying things like,women who choose to WORK or stay at home! staying at home IS NOT eating chocolat and watching t.v. staying at home IS a full time JOB. why do you think males choose to pay higher wages to other males who leave home to work?it's really difficult to see why females will except whatever they are told by "society" instead of seeing the reality that is IN their own lives, and they're personal desires.you just perpetuate the myth"equal". people who REAR CHILDREN are at least as valuable to society as the president of the country, just watch the news and see how well our children are rearing themselves.if you can't get the truth out, you should at LEAST be listed as fiction.
Rating:
Summary: commonsense makes a terrific read
Review: Applause to Ms Crittenden for getting feminists to read this book and agree with the points she makes. I think this will be a seminal book in pointing our society forward in improving the lives of all of us equally. One passage in the book says it all: that our achievement of independence from our husbands has resulted in a new dependence on employers and state, who in turn do not offer us love, companionship and laughs like a husband does. She hits on the truth: we all want happy homes and families. We care about our children more than ourselves. Who can say they don't?
|
