Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Rating:
Summary: Without a doubt the best gift I ever gave myself!
Review: I have only just finished reading the last chapter. It's been about two weeks though since I started practising "the Work" as it is called, and the transformations have been mindblowing and superlatively fantastic. I am now giving out copies by the dozen to all my friends and loved ones, and I can assure you I have never felt the need to do this with any other book...

I read some of the more "negative" reviews on this book, and although I can see their authors' points, it seems at the same time pointless to argue with these people: They want to stick to their own stories, so OK, let them! Those who want to really get on with their lives, this is THE book to get. You'll never need another therapist again...

The book departs from two premises:
- You want your own suffering to end
- You are ready to face the truth about yourself and the causes for your suffering
Any of these two things not true for you? Then it doesn't work. Don't blame the book, you're doing this to yourself...

With Love
S. Vincent

Rating:
Summary: It can change your outlook
Review: Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It has changed my outlook on many things in my life. The only reason I gave it four stars instead of five is that it may not be what it takes to fix more severe problems in life such as mentioned in the review by Skye entitled "'The Work' may potentially harm". More severe issues such as those brought on by the trama of childhood molestation will most likely need more therapy then that contained in this book. But for those that find themselves looking at life, in general, the wrong way it is a must read.

Rating:
Summary: Every word rings with TRUTH
Review: Absolutely the best "self-help" book I've ever read! Byron Katie doesn't preach or force her opinions on others, but instead facilitates a powerful method designed to get us to recognize our own truth and that of others. How do we know reality should be the way it is? Because that is how it is. Any story we tell ourselves about how reality should be causes us suffering and is insane. This is not a book on complacency. This is a book on acceptance and loving what is. Freeing energy to direct attention toward the one person who can truly make a difference in our lives -- ourself. This books shows the way out of "victim mentality" and woundology that is so prevalent in our culture. You don't have to read it. But if you are suffering and want the suffering to end, this is the way.

Rating:
Summary: It's OK but Not All That
Review: I'm sort of surprised at the number of five-star reviews this book has gotten. Yes, "The Work" could be a powerful tool in lots of situations but there are many situations in which it's just not appropriate. Here's an example: "My kid should do his homework." The truth: He doesn't. "How do I feel when I think that?" Like making him do his homework. "Who would I be without this thought?" A worse mom? I mean, come on. It just doesn't work for all situations. That doesn't make it worthless, but the author ought to acknowledge the method's shortcomings.

Also, the ideas are really not all that original. The "acceptance" theme is highly derivative of a 12-step program as are the ideas of cleaning up one's own house first, acknowledging one's role in conflicts, and making amends to anyone one might have hurt in any way. My guess is that the author has encountered one of these programs since she came to this method while at a halfway house. Should've given credit where credit was due.

All that said, it's not a bad book, just not what it's made out to be.

Rating:
Summary: "The Work" may potentially harm
Review: I listened to this book on CD and tried very hard to keep an open mind...that is, until I came to the part where this woman who had been sexually molested as an 8 year old child by her father spoke with the author. If I had been in the audience, they would have thrown me out, because I would not have sat there and permitted this woman to say and totally accept (as she went through "The Work/Inquiry") that SHE had ABUSED her father, and that SHE was WRONG since she never lied for her stepmother about this abuse (when asked to do so in a court hearing at 14 years of age), yet elected to tell the truth, resulting in her stepmother putting her out and alienating her from the family.

A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL (degreed in psychology, etc.) should ONLY TREAT another with abuse issues. In fact, going through "The Work/Inquiry" very well could have done more HARM than good for this victim. If I'm confused in my thinking (as the author would put it), so be it. I'll gladly accept the rap, yet stand firm on my stance.

Now, I can see in SOME cases where "The Work/Inquiry" would work well for one to self-actualize. Sure, we do have to take responsibility for ourselves, our stories, our thoughts, but NEVER to the point where we accept self-blame for the actions of some sadistic (fill in the blank)!

Perhaps the entire point of "The Work/Inquiry" is forgiveness...forgiveness of self and others. Forgiveness is important to one's health, as is self-love and gaining inner peace; however, so is validation. Validation is not about assigning blame or being right; validation is all about (as the author puts it) WHAT IS, without clouding WHAT IS with unjust self-doubt/blame, for doing so is yet ANOTHER FORM OF ABUSE! You HAVE to experience your stories in your OWN way, in your own TIME, and if need be, seek PROFESSIONAL help. You need validation in order to pursue closure.

To apologize to your abusers (as the author suggests) for what they had done (the acts) is a bit sadistic. Give me a break! I can see the health benefit in offering forgiveness/acceptance only for the abuser, the person, but never for the ACT...the vicious act of child abuse.

An interesting read; however, potential for harm is quite evident in "my projection" of what this book teaches. And, this all comes from the heart of a child...a child who has grown and survived child abuse herself.


Rating:
Summary: YOU'LL END UP IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
Review: Nothing else like it EVER!!! IF YOU ONLY READ THE BOOK AND DON'T DO A WORK SHEET YOU ARE COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT. That would be like reading about what chocolate tastes like and expecting to get it without ever eating the chocolate (and then perhaps even saying the chocolate doesn't taste good) or reading about what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the love pouring out of your heart for a son who you previously were very frustrated with but never taking the steps to see were you will end up with your story. The book is about doing THE WORK. THE WORK - Not the book - CHANGED MY LIFE!! AND BY MY CHANGING, CHANGED THE LIVES OF MY CHILDREN!! For the first time in my life I am truly happy on the inside. I feel grounded, I feel alive, I am in love with myself, I am in love with my life. From this place I am able to truly love others and to be free to pursue my dreams. From this place I am also able to say no if something doesn't feel right because now I know the difference. Now I just say no with love - no shame, no guilt, no fear, no story. From this place I am able to see the blue sky and the red flowers...
I did a retreat with Katie and she does not try to stear anyone, she always meets people where they are and loves them from there. She is totally unattached to the outcome. It is your own process. I never know where I will end up when I start and am always ABSOLUTELY BLOWN AWAY when I am done. and always delighted, lighter and alot more honest. Sometimes it is a little bewildering to see the truth but from there the love comes, the laughter comes, the peace comes. Do a work sheet on any thought that creates stress and then relax and put it to the questions. Let the answers come from within and they will set you FREE!!!!! I am not into suffering I just didn't know how not to. Now I do. Do a work sheet, do the questions. Do another and another and another. Now I look for things to do the work on because it keeps getting better all the time!!!!!

Rating:
Summary: It's simple, it's usable, it works.
Review: This book is about a very simple tool to change your life: ask yourself 4 questions. Nothing more, nothing less. When you do this with every thought that gives you stress you end up where all the other self-help and religious books try to bring you: pure happiness. Happiness with what is, with reality. It works. And strangely enough: your life changes. Your relationships change, everything gets better. But you end up not caring whether they change or not, because you're happy anyway. Total freedom!
You don't have to change your thinking, you don't have to go through workbooks, you just ask yourself these four questions whenever you feel like they might help.
Just a quick note about the concerns of review 'True to a point...'. I've heard Katie say several times: 'When I've come to love someone unconditionally, it doesn't mean I have to live with them!' So if someone abuses you, you can learn to love them, but you can still leave! Simply because you've also learned to love yourself too much to be hurt this way. But you leave without pain, without resentment, without wanting revenge etc.