Rating: 
Summary: i wish i had heard of this book sooner
Review: this is the only book i have ever read that completely validates my existence. the horror of living with a somewhat psychotic parent is indescribible. the abuse, the taunts, the shaming, the being laughed at, the physical hitting and pulling of hair, the ostracism in ones own family the splitting the being the no-good child and watching the all-good child get all the love and affection, the pathetic father, and the terrible urge to do it all again once one is an adult. after having a series of horribly abusive relationships and after being alone and isolated i finally have been able to determine why what when and how these things happened to me. anytime i feel it is all my fault i read this book and i know i am not the only one who is crazy out there, my name is legion. how wonderful to have someone put this into words for me. christine lawson thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. interestingly enough i can see how much the abusive people i have been attracted to resemble my mother!! thank you for making sense of all this chaos and confusion. i wish more people knew about this book, it would help them like it helped me.
Rating:
Summary: I no longer feel alone in the world
Review: Was your mother an unexplainable enigma of hatred, abuse, wild mood swings, illogical behaviors and obsessions? Is the first feeling that you can ever remember experiencing as a small child anxiety or fear? Could you describe your mother as a controlling, manipulative, lying witch that left you wondering what the truth was? Does this sound familiar? If so, you need to read this book. I just described my mother. This paragraph, on page xii, describes my how I felt as a child. "Some children of borderlines experience childhood as an emotional prison camp ruled by arbitrarily hostile guards. Their feelings are captured by the words of adult survivors of concentration camps: 'We were terribly afraid that...people would never notice a thing, that nobody in the world would notice a thing: us, the struggle, the dead ... that this wall was so huge that nothing, no message about us, would ever make it out'". Christine Ann Lawson's book Understanding The Borderline Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship has allowed me not feel alone in the world and acknowledge that this really did happen to other people.
Rating:
Summary: Validation
Review: When I first read this book, I sat there transfixed in the words....words that I could have written myself. I was the "no good" child, and my brother was the "good" one. My brother has APD and has been in trouble with the law for years. We are in our 40's now, and he is still having issues with drugs, alcohol etc. There has to be some warped dynamics that tend to cause these "genetic" quirks to evolve full force. I personally believe that these people with personality disorders come to be for several reasons, not just a blanket that states "I was harmed as a child". I survived a horrible childhood with a borderline mother and several of her men, and I am not a person who has created cruel hell for others, especially to my children. Love is an emotion, with several different levels, I love my children unconditionally, borderlines DO NOT love in this manner. I get sick and tired of the pampering and excuses these people with borderline personaility disorder receive. I know several therapist who for one will not even attempt to treat these people because they are such liars and manipulators. If you have been raised by a Witch/Queen borderline mother, you must pull away from being so sympathetic to your mother and feel sorry for yourself for the years of abuse you have endured. These people thrive on pity, attention, chaos and manipulation. People with a personality disorder usally has two or more involved in the mix. My mother has borderline, narcissistic and histrionic personality disorders. Talk about a combination!! A good web site to go to for further information on personality disorders is: www.mentalhelp.net As with everything in life, there are degrees of the illness, maybe someone who has borderline tendencies, but not the extreme full blown disorder can get help for themselves and their families. But if you are dealing with someone who is on the other end of the spectrum...the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to educate, educate, educate and then cut the strings so you are no longer inside the circle, but on the outside looking in. I have had log chains to saw, and the past three years with no contact with my mother has been and continues to be sad, yet peaceful. I wish all of you well on your journey....just keep going forward, there is light at the end of this sick tunnel.
Rating: 
Summary: outstanding book, with a couple of minor caveats
Review: When I received this book I immediately started on it, and I was pleasantly surprised, this book is excellent. I expected to find my mom in the description of the "Waif", but was surprised to find her also in the "Queen" and the "Witch". I think I underlined most parts in the description of the "Queen" so a lot hit home there. This book was accurate enough about a lot of things to leave me almost breathless and feeling a bit in shock, when I first read it. The book is written from a psychodynamic perspective, which means that the author feels that our weaknesses as humans are grounded in our childhood pains. The way to wholeness and healing, according to this point of view, is to heal our past pains often through therapy. I tend to agree with much in this perspective, and also disagree with some of it. For instance Dr. Lawson claims that "all-bad" children of borderline mothers are virtually destined to become borderline themselves, and I think the disorder is much too complex for such a sweeping statement. There can even for some people be some freedom in being "all-bad" as the borderline mother is easier to write off in our own minds from that perspective. BPD is partially based in childhood traumas, partially based in brain chemistry, and partially based in something the scientific community has not yet pecked down and proven exactly what is. Within 3 days I read the book 3 times. Underlining stuff that pertains to me and my mom. Then I sat down and wrote a long description of my mom as a borderline, and how she influenced me. Writing about how the different profiles intermingled, played off each other, and ultimately how it influenced me. This exercise helped me immensely to understand a lot of things. I think every adult child with a borderline mother should read this book for sure, and reread it several times as well. The material in the book is immensely important, well written and clear. For me at this point especially the descriptions of how the "all-good" and "all-bad" roles influences a child helped me tremendously. I am sure in teh future other parts of hte book will speak to me more. I think Dr. Lawson could have done a little better outlining the fathers and their profiles, as those descriptions did not go much in depth, and I didnt feel they really hit the mark as well as the other parts of the book. I also wish Dr. Lawson would have spend a little more energy on outlining possible communication techniques with the borderline mother. Although I might be saying this now, but when I really sit down and work through that part of the book I might change my mind, as it was there for me to dive in to. Overall, a very important book, with outstanding material. A few parts could be improved, but nothing is ever perfect. :o). Dr. Lawson, thank you for an important book
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