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The Battle for Normality: A Guide for (Self-)Therapy for Homosexuality

The Battle for Normality: A Guide for (Self-)Therapy for Homosexuality

List Price: $11.95
Your Price: $8.96
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Bad science, bad psychology, bad theology, bad advice
Review: Study after study is giving us more and more evidence that homosexuality is caused genetically and/or biologically. It shocks the mind to think that there are people out there like this quack advocating "reparative therapy" to "convert" homosexuals into heterosexuals. Study after study has also shown that this really isn't possible without suppressing homosexual feelings, not truly changing them. Genetic characteristics like sexuality cannot be changed. This book is thus playing into the fears that conservative religious people (who are also Biblical literalists) have toward homosexuality, and gay people who read it or who follow the advice are ultimately being self-destructive--and destructive to other gay people. Mainstream (i.e. not-literalist) religious groups are increasingly accepting of homosexuals, coming to understand that God has made gay people gay and that there is nothing wrong with it. These groups include the Episcopal Church, the Anglican Church, various Lutheran churches, Congregational churches, the Unitarians, and Reform Judaism. These are not flippant religious groups but some of the largest and most influential theological communities in the world. I recommend you try some of these books/videos instead:

1. The Assault on Gay America (video). 2. Outing Yourself. 3. Coming Out of Shame--one of the best psychological self-help texts for gay people. 4. Stealing Jesus. 5. Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism.

There are many other good books out there, too. Just avoid this particular one: it's bad science, bad psychological (in fact, psychologists as a profession have denounced this approach to therapy), bad theology, and overall bad, bad advice.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Sexuality Is More Complicated Than This
Review: The reason why so many right-wing Christians, among others, believe homosexuality is a choice, and thus why it can be "corrected" through religious therapy like this, is because the vast majority of human beings are bisexual to some extent. On this one needs to read the Kinsey Report and other medical reports on sexuality to better comprehend the data. In short, 80% of human beings are bisexual to some degree. If you are one of these people *and* you are religious *and* you wish to fight off same-sex tendencies in your sexualities, this book may offer you some help. HOWEVER, if you are actually in the 10% of human beings or so whose sexuality is 100% gay, then there is absolutely nothing you can do about it--this book nor any other reparative therapy can change that. God made you that way, and your best bet is to address your religious convictions in a gay-friendly atmosphere (which this text is not particularly). So buyer beware: if you are truly 100% gay, you cannot change your orientation, and this book will only make you more unhappy, not less.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: a tough love therapy
Review: Things change. When I read the first book of Van Den Aardweg many years ago, I revolted. Now I sincerely believe that his theory on the causes of homosexuality is the best one around: there is no doubt in my mind that fifty years from now, this book will be listed as the first comprehensive explanation model (it will take some time before that happens because of the ideological approach contemporary culture takes toward homosexuality: in the end, sound science always prevails, however).

So why did I change my mind? Back then, I just started therapy. I was depressed, afraid of aids, fed up with my endless relationships (the sex was good, but the rest quite unfulfilling) , and just looking for an exit out of my gay lifestyle without really believing that any exit existed. Not much happened till I found by chance the books of Van Den Aardweg. And believe me: even though, lukewarmingly, I wanted to change, I didn't like at all what I read: who likes to be called a neurotic little boy, filled with self-pity, and still complaining about the fact that he felt so lonely in adolescence and such a failure as a boy? I felt offended, rejected, and for months my mind just ground around to find counterarguments: no, it it is not selfpity, my loneliness was real, etc. But at the same time I was fascinated because about everything was recognizable: yeah, my mother had been dominating me in a suffocating way, and my father hadn't been much of a father to me, so that indeed I didn't get very well equipped to succeed as a boy among boys. Puberty had indeed been hell. Lonely, more or less friendless, feeling quite a failure, and taking refuge into the one thing I seemed good at, being intelligent. And I remembered how I had longed in endless daydreams for the friends I didn't have, how I had admired guys who were, in my perception, "real boys", and yeah, it were those basically sad feelings that somehow got sexualized and made me say by 18 "I am gay". In the months after reading Aardweg's book, I decided that it basically came down to this question: I either had been "different" since adolescence because I had been gay all the time, though without explictly knowing that (that was the solution that my "gay side" wanted to prove), or I had been "different", in the sense of lonely, feeling inferior in comparison to "real boys", and that had caused my gayness (Aardweg's position). I went up and down for a long time, but finally I guess the most objective part of my mind just admitted that Aardweg's position was right. That admission enabled me to break thru the shame and pain of having felt a "failure" and hiding it behind an overcompensation screen of intelligence. Subsequently I began to make big and remarkable emotional leaps, which would, over a period of some years, result in the fading away of most of my homosexual feelings (jump on it, gay refuters: I admit, there is still something left) and the emergence of more and more heterosexual feelings (please note: I never suppressed my homosexual feelings, I rather solved the emotional problems underneath them: suppressing would have been fully impossible). I agree by the way with the reviewer from Holland: in hindsight, what happened to me was not primarily a change from gay to heterosexual, but from immature and frustrated to (much more) mature, and emotionally balanced.

Some words to other reviewers. What is the talk about Aardweg saying that homosexuality is a "choice"? He rather states the opposite and considers it an emotional disorder, in many regards comparable to the emotional and neurotic problems many people, gay and straight, have, but clearly with some quite specific elements (as every neurosis has its specifics). Emotional disorders are, obviously, no choice but the result of psyco-social factors during one's education. This choice stuff reminds me by the way of Larry King, who always does as if there are only two possibilities: being gay is a choice (only some silly right wingers go for that, apparently thinking that if they say it is not a choice, they have to accept it as normal) or genetic (which somehow becomes then the equivalent of normal). Talking about choice: only in one sense, I guess, one can talk of choice, and that is with regard to the decision to look for an exit.

To potential gay readers of the book I just would like to say: this is a tough book, and your first reaction will probably be like mine: get angry, feel rejected again, and try to prove that this is just nonsense or right wing homophobia. Maybe the reviewer from Holland has by the way a point where he remarks that the tone of the book is slightly too tough (for me it worked out fine ultimately, others might need some more empathy). But remember, it is "tough" like in "tough love": don't focus too much on the tough side, see the love side. Try to be as objective-minded as possible: this is not about being offended or being rejected, it is about finding the best explanation for (your) homosexuality. And realize: in the end, it is not in the first place about becoming straight, but about becoming more mature, more whole and happier.

A last word to the gentleman from Holland whose review puzzled me a little bit. I don't get how he can say that he still agrees with the positions of the gay movement. Personally, I still feel lots of sympathy for gays: it was a messy and difficult period in my life, but I met some good guys who really were struggling, and, gosh, I had some fun as well. But I am really annoyed by the gay lobby. If I just tell my story, they label me a homophobe. Well, let them, I am a "big boy" by now. What really bothers me however, is the sheer intolerance, and its consequences: thanks to Aardweg's theory, it is by now - I really believe it - possible to help especially young people quite easily over their homosexual feelings before fully succumbing to the gay "lifestyle", and all the painful problems it entails. It is about time for a decent, tolerant discussion with more than one politically correct view dominating the discourse.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: interesting but...
Review: This book does have some good information. I do think that in some cases, homosexuality can have a psychological, environmental cause. I think that may be the case for me. My mother didn't want me to play sports, because she felt it made my older brother too rough. So, I didn't learn how to play sports & therefore, I didn't have close male-friends growing up. I was a horribly lonely child. Also, since my father didn't spend much time with me (since he didn't teach me how to play sports), I didn't have a close relationship with him. Also, my brother is 9 years older than me & we weren't close, either. In our culture, sports is about the only means for males to interact with each other. Playing on sports teams is the way most young males make close same-sex friends. My mom even gave me dolls to play with when I was 3, 4 & 5 yrs. old. That is so absurd, don't do that to your male children.

As I said, I think the causes of my homosexuality are probably psychological/environmental. However, some gay males had close relations with their fathers & played sports, etc. They had close same-sex relationships, but are still homosexual. In their case, their sexuality is probably innate & biological. I think there is more than one cause for homosexuality, depending on the individual.

I do think this author's theories about the causes are correct, if someone fits the profile. However, he takes a very negative tone towards homosexuality. He also fails to point out that there are gays who have fulfilling, monogamous relationships & aren't "neurotic." This is about the only available book on changing homosexuality that isn't from a religious viewpoint. You want my advice on changing? Try to fantasize about having sex with persons of the opposite gender. If you achieve arousal, you may be able to have heterosexual relationships. If not, you may need to accept your homosexuality & not attempt change.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Something Funny Here. . .
Review: This book does offer practical guidance on how to leave the homosexual life, that is true. 'A Customer' from Seattle's review on this book is given word for word in the review of Joe Dallas' book, too. Hmmmm. This would not be so important, if his reviews did not refer the reader to Kinsey's long-ago proven fraudulent studies on human sexuality. Kinsey's approval (and detailed descriptions) of zoophilia are particularly repugnant, as is his section on infant 'sexuality', which was reviewed and revised by an active pedophile at his request. In order to understand Van Den Aardwig's book, one should start with Reisman's 'Kinsey: Crimes and Consequences' and Jones' 'Alfred Kinsey: A Public and Private Life'. Kinsey's reports themselves are sickening, especially the section on females, whom he obviously didn't like very much. David Morrison's 'Beyond Gay' is the best outlook on human sexuality, both homosexual and heterosexual. After reading the others, Van Den Aadweg's book will make much more sense because the reader will understand why he takes the perspective that he does.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Helpful Information that Unhappy Gays will want to know.
Review: This book provides real practical help to those who are unhappy with their homosexual desires. The first part is the theory of homosexuality (which boils down to the fact that it is a neurosis involving a gender inferiority complex, coupled with a strong tendency to self-pity), the second gives many practical suggestions about how to overcome unwanted homosexual impulses. A reader whose conscience tells him that homosexuality is not for him will find moral support and help, rather than simply being told that he has to accept himself the way he is and there is nothing he can do about it. It is written for Christians and certain references to spiritual matters might irritate some readers. Doubtless this book will have its critics, but the suggestions it gives work. This reader knows from experience.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Just Say NO!
Review: This book was given to me by a co-worker recently, who thought they were doing a "good deed" - HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL, not to mention rude. The contents in this book are mean and untrue written under the umbrella of the Catholic religion - that would somehow make the judgements of this book ok to be made. Don't buy this book, don't waste your time, don't put yourself on an emotional rollercoaster based on someone elses JUDGEMENTS.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A good theory on homosexuality
Review: This seems a very good theory on homosexuality and could make a lot of sense to many of us. Its main point is that homosexuality is the result of our own personality and traits, in interaction with our father and mother in our early years. It is a very logical and plausible theory of homosexuality development. However, the author rests in the realm of especulation and anecdotical evidence without giving any robust and lasting support to his case.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: This is a collossally destructive, myopic, and inhumane
Review: Two things this books seems to overlook: First, homosexuality is genetic and biological in origin. Second, there's nothing actually wrong with homosexuals. From a religious perspective, note that most mainline churches are now increasingly accepting of homosexuals, including Congregational, Anglican, Lutheran, among others. So if you are encountering religious difficulties with homosexuality: change your denomination. Try any of these books as a starting point instead:

Stealing Jesus

Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism

Coming Out of Shame

Outing Yourself

Good luck--and don't waste your money on this destructive book.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A Life Saver!
Review: Van dem Aardweg clearly explains (with substantial documentation of scientific literature) that no genetic factors determine a person's sexual orientation. On the contrary, such individuals developed such a neurosis from feeling isolated from their male peers as adolescents (either because they were not good in sports or the like) and then developing a chronic attitude of feeling sorry for oneself. In addition, van dem Aardweg explains in no uncertain terms the self-serving motives of the Gay Lobbiests, the unscientific studies which they promote, and the damage that they cause. The author also analyzes the reasons for the backsliding of many homosexuals who attempt to cure their homosexuality through Christianity. A truly profound book which bears reading and rereading.

Having struggled with homosexual thoughts for many years, I noticed a review of this book on the NARTH Web site last year. After internalizing the contents of this book and finding a psychologist (recommended by NARTH) with whom I explored this subject matter, my ulcers dissappeared, my depression dissipated, and I am more satisfied with my life than ever before.


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