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Rating: 
Summary: What NOT To Say On Your Deathbed: How To Die Healthy
Review: "Dying Well" focuses on three "spiritual practices" the author believes bring "immense relief and healing power" for the dying, namely, forgiveness, gratitude and love. Depending upon where you stand on the continuum from rational secularist to schmaltzy holistic, this book will appall you with syrupy pabulum or transform you with spiritual orgasms. Being somewhere in the middle, the only effect for me was the gag reflex. Here is an illustrative sentence - if this makes you warm and spiritual all over, then you should find "Dying Well" excellent deathbed reading: "Forgiveness is a passage to a sanctuary of wholeness, that nurturing place where we feel intimately connected to the people who matter most to us. It is a place of healing and transformation. In it, we feel the perfect fullness of the present."
Somehow, I could not get into the perfect fullness of the present with Dr. Byock's book, especially when I came to the part where he recommends eleven words for patients facing life's end: "Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you."
To Dr. Byock, these four short sentences carry the core of wisdom about what matters most in life." He claims these are "eleven words we all need to say more often." I say, "no we don't!" In fact, while it might be a good idea to utter these words IF you have mucked up an important part of your life, namely, your relationships with family and friends, a much better idea is to organize your lifestyle, personality and purposes in such a way while well that you don't feel any need to make amends on your proverbial deathbed.
We live in a 12-step culture of smarmy psychobabble that makes best selling authors out of healers who think we are all walking wounded, in constant need of therapy, amazing grace and forgiveness. Alas, for many, this may be true--I don't doubt for a minute that Dr. Byock's patients manifested the symptoms of guilt he describes or that they benefited from his comforting. But, everyone is not or need not fall into this syndrome of failure desperate but a last gasp apology of sorts designed to make everything (i.e., a life!) OK. An alternative, wellness perspective might include opting out of the wounded category, rejecting negativity, passing on endless opportunities to feel sorry for yourself in lieu of a joyful, upbeat and effective existence while well that leaves no regrets for the end. A wellness perspective on dying healthy will, it seems to me, always focus on ways to make life fuller, more satisfying, meaningful and positive.
I have seen the following attributed to George Carlin, but then, like Mark Twain, a lot of expressions are attributed to Carlin that he never uttered. But, for now, let's assume or pretend this is authentic Carlin: "Always remember! Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. We all need to live life to it's fullest each day. Never regret becoming older; too many are denied the privilege!"
Sounds good, but even this seemingly sensible, sweet idea is fraught with problems for those of us in the rationalist, critical thinking mode. For one thing, our lives are not measured at all, at least not by any common, agreed upon measures such as breathless moments. I'm sure the mullahs in Saudi Arabia, Iran and Iraq would have different "measures" in mind than those that would appeal to Westerners. Personally, I'd measure DBRU equivalents, but even I would want to throw other things into the mix. Basically, we all have our own "measures" for this sort of thing, or would if we ever thought about it.
Here are a few changes I'd recommend for Dr. Ira Byock's eleven dying words (although I don't plan to limit myself to eleven words, and doubt you would want to stop there, either): In the following case, my first six words are different-I kept the last five. "Time to go. It's been great. Thank you. I love you."
Be well. Always look on the bright side of life, including when it's ending.
Rating: 
Summary: Lessons for the living learned from the dying
Review: I have been working in the field of end of life care for 30 years as a nurse, and now, as the owner of my own hopsice program. When people say, "How can you do this work? Isn't is depressing?", I can only say, the dying have taught me how to live. Dr. Byok's book presents the lessons that we learn from the dying in a poetic and beautiful way. It is evident from his writing that his life expereince, both personally and professionaly, have allowed him to capture in prose what the dying teach us. I live my life as though there is a truck around every corner and if anyone says to me "I am dying" I say me too!" Now, what are we going to do to live in the face of this expereince called death? Dr. Byok's book has captured the simplicity of living each day in the fullness of love, gratitude and forgiveness. All that matters in life is our relationship with self, others, and a power greater than ourselves. This book helps to maintain wholeness in each of those areas. A nursing friend of mine who was dying once said,"Death is like any other journey but it is one we unpack for." Each day we live we can "unpack" a little more if we follow the lessons gleaned from Dr. Byok's wisdom. AND, for those who think that this is a book about dying, THINK AGAIN! I know from my personal experience that when my life upon this earth concludes I will have no regrets and will leave in peace becaue I already practice the four things that matter most each and every day. Thank you Dr. Byok for sharing your wisdom.
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Summary: A Classic in the Making!
Review: I'm a fromer attorney, 63 years old. Very left brain oriented; divorced for 12 years; 2 fine sons - 30-35 stage of life. I'm closer to the finish line then I am the starting line. Byock is an MD specialising in palliative care, ie ministering to those tho are close to death. He is very sensitive, with a 1st class mind. He uses many illustrations from his chosen field to illustrate the points he makes, very effectively. I can't truly say that I enjoyed this book; but, . . it made me think, it made me feel. The son - father, brother - brother, mother - son, etc. relationships are so complicated. So much baggage! Most of it we don't realize that we're carrying. Most men have inadequalte right brain orientations; at least most men that I know. I think that every American father or husbnad should be forced to read this book. When? Age 50? Age 60? This small book is a treasure! Period!
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Summary: Living fully
Review: Too often in the midst of our everyday lives, we neglect to tell the people who mean the most to us how much we care. In this book, Dr. Byock gently shows us how to heal from even profound separations from the people who have touched our lives.After reading this book, I feel that I am able to express my gratitude to friends and family daily. I try not to hold onto negative experiences and have forgiven some grudges that were years old. Thank you, Dr. Byock.
Rating:
Summary: Living fully
Review: Too often in the midst of our everyday lives, we neglect to tell the people who mean the most to us how much we care. In this book, Dr. Byock gently shows us how to heal from even profound separations from the people who have touched our lives. After reading this book, I feel that I am able to express my gratitude to friends and family daily. I try not to hold onto negative experiences and have forgiven some grudges that were years old. Thank you, Dr. Byock.
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