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Summary: Another book on how to trap a man. How original, Mrs. Fein.
Review: I just recently met a girl I liked very much. It was very hard for me to call her to ask her out in the first place. She never returned my calls, which really hurt, and obviously I did not keep calling someone who gave the impression of not even liking me (most girls at least call back and say no thanks, let's just be friends, etc). Now I find out that she was interested, but she wouldn't call me back because she was a "rules" girl (which I had no clue of what that meant until someone explained). I found your stupid book at the store and read through it (in a nutshell its about playing games with the very person a girl should be honest with). She still doesn't have a boyfriend, and now I'm dating someone else who had the decency to return my calls. Your advice caused nothing but hurt to both of us, luckily we are friends now (after an honest conversation...advice omitted in your book). Thanks a lot for making dating even harder than it already is, Mrs. Fein
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Summary: This book really worked!!
Review: I am engaged to be married after a day of reading the book my fiance` asked me who I had been talking to. Ever since I have been using the rules he treats me like a different person and never wants to be away from me!
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Summary: Machiavelli in a dress.
Review: this is a great book for men to read for counter-warfare tactics
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Summary: This book is so good we started a club!
Review: This book was fantastic! Finally, the answers to the questions I've been asking for years. The rules really work. I've passed that book around to so many of my single
girlfriends it doesn't make sense. We've even started a small club to remind each other to follow the rules. Get this book for your girlfriends from pre-teen to adult....
this one's a keeper!
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Summary: I'm surprised at how many people hate this book
Review: I don't understand why people hate this book so much. There's nothing about our society- work, raising children, writing college papers, etc.- that isn't infested with manipulation. Do you really expect a love between two people who are raised in our society to be any different? I think what irks most anti-Rules people about this book is that, unlike the hidden "rules" one encounters everywhere else (a retail worker using certain words to make a sale more likely to happen, for example), _The Rules_ is blatant about encouraging manipulation in relationships. I'm not saying that the advice given in _The Rules_ isn't unethical and ultimately hurtful to a relationship, but I fail to see how this book doesn't perfectly fit into our society.As for the book itself, I give it a 1-star rating because it's poorly written. While it is an interesting read, if only for the controversy it's caused, it isn't well-written at all, and I felt "talked down to" throughout most of it. All of the evidence the authors provide as proof that their Rules work is anecdotal. At one point in the book, the authors admit that readers may encounter happily married women who *didn't* follow The Rules, but the authors ask readers to consider that perhaps these women aren't truly happy and are only pretending for the sake of keeping up appearances. It's interesting to note, however, that these authors don't bother asking this question of their friends who did follow The Rules and are now happily married. It's hard to read this book and not notice the dozens of suspiciously omitted bits in otherwise detailed accounts of Rules Girls and Anti-Rules Girls. Despite the simplicity of _The Rules_, it is a thought-provoking read, though I honestly suspect that wasn't the authors' intention.
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Summary: Latest on Changed my dating life for positive
Review: It really did get me a lot of dates, but when I fell for someone, he didn't even know it! This is what playing it cool does. True, I attracted a lot of guys that I had more dates than I could keep up with, but it fails in ways. Mainly, it tells you how to pretend to act, instead of shaping how you think, which shapes your actions. It bypasses the causes and treats the symptoms. A better book at explaining this, which I recommend in addition to the Rules is "Why Men Won't Commit"; and it's available for download here. Highly recommended. Good luck. :) Also, men hate games, that's why there are so many scathing reviews. Unfortunately, they don't realize what women go through, and if they did, they would give it 5 stars for shaping our lives for better. It does NOT advocate playing games, but teaches us boundaries to live by.
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Summary: Keeping a balanced fun life & have a good relationship
Review: This book explains WHY men react to things the way they do. I was concerned it would be a bunch of games but it actually was a good reference source. Being an ambitious & outspoken career woman I couldn't understand why the "honest & direct" approach didn't work with the men I really liked but ALWAYS seemed to attract the men I didn't like. Now I suddenly realize what I was doing wrong all these years! It was also great to have some of the warning signs to watch out for with men early in the relationship so I don't waste my time or his. Being cautious & not blurting out your entire life story in the beginning of a relationship was really emphasized. I also like how this book mentions having a life outside of a relationship & keeping busy. There is nothing more annoying that reading a self-help book that tells you to spend your whole life wrapped around your husband - how boring, smothering & ancient history! Thank God this book doesn't tell you to give up your friends, family, work & favorite hobbies and interests! It was ironic after I read this book & mentioning it to some of my married friends - who are even more direct than me - they explained they had read this book, followed the advice & finally got their husbands. This book is definetely worth reading!
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Summary: A guy actually applied the rules on me
Review: I haven't read this book yet, but I've finished all the reviews.
It seems like the guy was applying rules on me and I am completely turned off by it. He always end the calls and kept conversation to less than 10min. And we don't spend much time together. When we were first going out, I didn't like him that much. He kept calling me and I tried to avoid his calls. But then I gave him a chance. I continue to go out with him and see what he's like. I eventually end up falling for him. And all of a sudden, he was cold to me. He doesn't initiate the call anymore. Maybe he's doing the rules thing on me. In any case, this rules thing does not work on me. Because I am definetly a good catch and I don't like being ignored. He's history!
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Summary: So offensive I nearly can't describe
Review: This is the book that receives such a trashing in the latest Michon book, "Grrl Genius Guide to Sex." And for good reason. Women, in this telling, are manipulative creatures who lure in a man, tricking him and lying to him, following not her own heart but a cold blooded pursuit of a man by attempting to exploit his weaknesses. I'll confess I read the whole thing because I was completely horrified to think that there are any women out there like this! It made me ashamed of my gender.
I believe these rules would work--if you don't care about love or happiness, but are only interested in finding a shallow, stupid man with a lot of money. Don't read this if you have a heart, it isn't for romantics, it is for sociopaths.
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Summary: They have a point, but they are missing the big picture
Review: I know, there are hundreds of other reviews about this book, but I thought I ought to add my two cents to the lot of them.
My roommate and I always have discussions about this book. She has a boyfriend of 3 years and she played the rules game to get him and keep him. They seem happy, and he's not some alpha male jerk, unlike the perception many of these reviewers have of the kind of guys these things work on. I also know that her mother, who has never read the book, always gave her advice that perfectly matched the rules. It's the kind of advice that's been handed down over the generations and it will get you results if you follow it. But what kind of results?
I've spend my life believing in this fairy tale romance crap about soulmates and "mr. right." When I was with my last boyfriend, I hadn't yet read the rules, but after we broke up I did. I realized that, looking back at that relationship, I was essentially following all the rules, and he was a "well-trained" boyfriend and things were heading in a wonderful direction. Then things started to turn. We had a wonderful relationship, he desired me, I didn't give too much, or so I thought. Nothing was wrong with the relationship, we thought we were in love, so why did I feel so hollow and lost? Only after I became depressed, developed an eating disorder, and went through the inevitable break-up did I realize what was missing from our relationship: Me.
You can spend all your energy turning yourself into something your not and then perpetrate those lies and your significant other might never know the difference. But guess what, you will. Since then I've adopted a more healthy view of relationships and stopped expecting that the kind of men who behave how I'd like them to, according to the rules, are the kind of guys who will enrich my life in the long run. Without these expectations, I've actually been more successful. And I've noticed that if you try to play by these rules with someone you love, and someone who loves you just as much, it will backfire.
five years ago I met the love of my life, but we weren't ready. We were only 18 and had a lot of growing up to do. And it didn't help that we lived in different countries and spoke different languages. We had the most amazing love affair then, but it wasn't perfect and I showed him the real me; I was too young to know any better. He went back home and worked on his education, me on mine. I've been through lots of relationships since then, had boyfriends wrapped around my little finger. for a long time I thought I'd learned how to get what I wanted from guys. And I've never had my heart broken over a guy. The only thing that has broken my heart has been how I sacrificed myself just to get men to behave how I thought they ought to. I was a rules girl without knowing it. I thought I'd finally learned that the rules don't guarantee happiness after my last relationship, the one I first told you about, but I hadn't.
The person whom I truly love, from 5 years ago, recently came back into my life and we both realized that this is the real thing. But I was so used to playing the game,(a game I'd learned after he left, so I'd never have to feel like I'd lost someone again), that I started treating him like that too. Big mistake. The ones who love you for who you really are, a "creature unlike any other," will not love you for toying with them. And why should they? I almost lost the only person I've ever truly loved because I didn't respect him, or myself for that matter, enough to give up the game and follow my heart. Luckily, I realized what I was doing and saved us from a total train wreck. I had stopped believing in soulmates and "mr. right" until being with him reminded me that they aren't necessarily the same thing. My last boyfriend was "Mr. Right," and my future husband definitely falls into the other category. How lucky am I?
These realizations are why I'm writing this review.
The reason guys don't like this book is because they want a woman who is confident, classy and independent, things the rules ladies want you to be and things you should want for yourself, but they don't want women who have to cheat themselves and the people they love just to appear this way. You could say that guys agree with a lot of the points the book makes, even if they won't admit it, but they can never buy into the premise, and neither should you.
Be yourself, spend your energy positively in all areas of your life, especially in the relationship domain. it's karmic really. If you really want to be a creature unlike any other, then why are you listening to a book that tells women to give up their individuality in order to play some formulaic game that will only burn them in the end? Follow your heart, trust your intuition.
And finally, in the words of Buddha, "believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
If I found a love that crosses all kinds of boundaries, geographic, linguistic and the kinds created by these rules, you can too. Good Luck.
Trust that happiness awaits you if you can risk believing in yourself -- that, if anything, is the message you should take away from this book.
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