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Summary: Do we really need to regress to the 1950s
Review: Any man who thinks a woman should be braindead and submissive isn't worth having! And any woman who instructs other women to behave like they're braindead and submissive should be ashamed of herself!I understand one of the authors is getting divorced, so "the rules" apparently didn't work very well for HER.
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Summary: Silly games - degrading to both parties
Review: Though I am not "in the market" now, I thought this book would be enjoyable because I am a hopeless romantic, and enjoy nostalgia. I was quite wrong! I shall focus only on a few points, since many other reviewers have stressed the book's deficiencies in detail. The ridiculous, degrading games which the author suggests are suited only to women who have neither respect for who they truly are (or fear that their true personality would not catch a man... wait until they marry, and cannot be Lana Turner 24 hours a day), nor any for the man they hope to snag. The woman is to be totally fake, the man a stooge who needs a princess doll to convince him that he should be in awe that he could catch such a prize. Perhaps those of certain cultures or classes played some of these games (not returning calls, ignoring, etc.) once upon a time, but, if this was in a setting where the games were understood, the perspective would have been understandable. Today, a man who phoned three times and never received a call back would either assume the woman was not interested or see through the manipulation. Not to mention that calling three times if a woman declines an invitation could mean a harrassment charge (even if that often is equally absurd)!
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Summary: This book...
Review: ...would make a great White Elephant present. :)
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Summary: screw the Rules!
Review: I've written and rewritten my review of this book twice prior to this; each time, my review becomes more negative. I followed the Rules for several months; sometimes they seemed to work, sometimes not...but the common thread was the way I felt. I had really low self-esteem, because i felt stifled, fearing that if the men in my life knew how I really felt about them--knew the real me--it would drive them away. That's ridiculous! As I have emerged from the Abyss of The Rules, I have discovered that being the real me will not drive men away...at all...perhaps it has shaken out a few that weren't at all good for me in the first place...AND it has drawn men to me that felt safe expressing themselves because I had opened myself up to them...not immediately and entirely of course, but gradually. Give a little and see if you get anything in return...if you don't, don't give any more. I feel a lot better about myself and my relationships than when I was following The Rules. Both men and women are at their best when they feel emotionally safe--secure to feel whatever they are feeling, and to express it.
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Summary: what sort of man do you want to attract?
Review: Do you want to be a sincere, intelligent, warm, expressive and attractive woman who takes initiative in life? Then why are you trying to attract men who like women who are passive, manipulative and cold ice scultpures? Men are not all alike - any more than women are all alike. Follow the "rules" in this book and you're screening out the men who admire a woman who is sincere, outgoing and actively takes control of her own life. Want to attract a competitive man who only wants something he can't get? Buy this book. Then wonder after you're married why he loses interest so suddenly. Look at it from the standpoint of a guy - if you act like you're not interested in him, it can only mean a few things. You could be really painfully shy. Or more likely it means either you're genuinely not interested or else you're interested but you're acting manipulative. Hmm - not interested or manipulative. Great choice. Either way it's a turnoff for any guys who aren't the "trophy hunter" type. Who does this tactic work on? A guy who wants something from you and doesn't care if you're manipulative so long as he gets what he wants. I've watched my sister fall for this and believe me it hurts more every year to see what happens. Get smart girls. Skip this book and be yourself.
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Summary: One of The Authors Is Getting Divorced
Review: After reading Rules I, II, and III, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of these books is to draw an even greater rift between men and women. Some of the advice is excellent (letting him pay for dates, having one's own life, etc.) But I have many objections. First of all, these women have not even been married long enough (Ellen Fein's divorcing) to say The Rules are *guaranteed* to work. I was uncomfortable with the the bossy, know-it-all attitude of the authors, and their blatant lack of consistency as they wrote the second and third books. One frightening piece of advice in the third book (which are rules for marriage) advises women on sex. They tell the story of a wife who complained to them her husband wanted sex every single day of the month, literally. Well, they said that when it comes to sex, THE MAN RULES IN THAT AREA--PERIOD. I was shocked. It didn't make a difference to them if the wife was exhausted because of kids or work, she should give him all the sex he wants--EVEN if it kills her. Just how is a woman supposed to enjoy sex if she's not in the mood? Isn't it obvious this poor woman is not the one who needs advice, but the husband, who has no consideration for her body? I can't imagine what would happen if that poor woman went away for a week... A *major* theme of the series is to conceal from one's partner any distress, sadness or problems. Some men aren't adept at seeing a woman in distress, but what kind of man is that, if he can't--even on occasion--let his woman cry into his chest? It only means that he is looking for a Fairy Princess floating on a cloud who has no other concern except which flowers she will pick today. That kind of man is NOT a man at all and isn't worth dealing with. Yet, the authors encourage women to cater to that type. I don't see how pretending to *always* be happy, perky, breezy and light is going to accomplish anything in a male-female relationship besides driving a woman to drink. Sure, it's not good to burden the partner with with ALL one's tears (I admit). On the other hand, in a commitment, pretending to always be happy is just acting, hypocrisy, and it leads to hating the man you're with because you'll eventually know you can't be yourself around him. LV
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Summary: I REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK !!!!!!
Review: I first looked at it because my wife was shopping at Shopko and I was along for the ride, and I was very bored. I picked up a copy of THE RULES so I could see the dating game from a female point of view. I was hooked within minutes. I believe THE RULES are based on human nature. And single guys can study this book to help them to be more appealing to "Miss Right." Sure, I know that not everyobody will like THE RULES. No sweat. Follow your own Rules if you want. But, from what I have observed of human nature, and from what I know about myself, I would recommend the Rules for any girl to read. Oh yeah, there are a couple of rules I don't believe, but 95% still gets an A in my book. --George Stancliffe
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Summary: Radon for the Soul
Review: "The Rules" keeps returning like a bad hot dog. I'm embarrassed to admit that, against my judgment and ethics, I can't quite seem to dismiss it altogether. It's like watching somebody pick their nose at a stoplight -- you know you *should* ignore it -- you *want* to ignore it -- but somehow, you can't help yourself. "The Rules", for those fortunate enough to have avoided the book until now, is an instruction manual telling how women can/should trick alpha males into marriage through withdrawal and manipulation. Besides the book's cruel, self-esteem-undermining premise -- that the reader is worthless without a man; and moreover, that it requires complete falsification of her looks, mind, personality, and spirit to make her even marginally acceptable... Besides the paradoxical hollowness of "success" with a false self -- you lose even if you "win", because it's not *you* who succeeds, it's the façade... Besides the likelihood that persistent coldness, while screening out the uninterested, would also screen *in* the neurotic Don Juan who wants whatever he doesn't have until the instant he gets it, or even outright stalkers and psychos... Besides how simplistic, morally corrupt, and insulting to *both* genders the book is... Besides how abominably, sub-literately written it is... Why does this book provoke such extreme reactions in everyone with a shred of intelligence, integrity, and/or self-esteem? Why is it like a stone in your shoe -- irritating as all get-out, yet impossible to ignore -- rather than simply irritating as all get-out? Is it the obnoxious, infomercial scamminess and inflated promises? -- "Sound too good to be true? We were skeptical at first, too." -- "Follow The Rules, and he will not just marry you, but feel crazy about you, forever!" -- "There are many books and theories on this subject. All make wonderful promises, but The Rules actually produce results."
(Oh, the irony!) Is it the Godawful, degrading advice? -- "Be feminine."
-- "Always strive to look feminine."
(Can you imagine anyone advising men, "always strive to look masculine"?) -- "Don't leave the house without makeup." -- "Wear sheer black pantyhose and hike up your skirt." Is it the teeth-grinding rage at men? -- "We mistakenly tried to be 'friends' with men..." -- "You don't make it easy for him... As he SCRAMBLES around BEGGING the coat-check girl for a pen, you stand by quietly."
(That one has not-very-well-repressed sadism rising off the page like steam, doesn't it? "You want hard to get, you S.O.B.? I'll give you hard to get!") Is it the childish spite toward women who don't "know their place"? -- "They think they are too educated or talented to be passive, play games..." -- "They feel their diplomas and paychecks entitle them to do more in life than wait for the phone to ring." -- "These women always end up heartbroken." Is it the cheap scare tactics? -- "It's not fun to break The Rules. You could easily end up alone." -- "By not accepting that the man must pursue the woman, women put themselves in jeopardy of being rejected or ignored." Granted, you're not going to attract every man you ever say Hello to. But their tales -- always ending in the implication (often, the overt statement) that rejection is *punishment for refusal to comply*, rather than chemistry or random chance -- are like the 50s-style "guide to dating" books where the making-out teenage couple gets hit by a speeding bus. Is it the gaping holes in logic? Every anecdote supporting the formula is dangled before the reader like bait, but anything questioning/undermining it is dismissed: "the only guys who will be turned off by this are the guys who weren't really interested in the first place". Why wouldn't that be equally true of *ignoring* the rules? Maybe I should write a job-hunting manual -- "Punch Your Interviewer in the Nose: The Two-Fisted Method for Capturing Your Dream Job" -- and claim, "The only time this won't work is with jobs you were never meant to get in the first place". Is it the unintentional howlers? -- "What am I supposed to do all night if no one asks me to dance? Go to the bathroom five times if you have to, reapply your lipstick... walk around the room in circles until somebody notices you..."
(Like they could miss the crazy woman wearing more lipstick than Courtney Love, walking around in circles and going to the bathroom every five minutes?) I think the book lingers like nuclear waste because it's so *weird*. While it's plausible to suggest that one way to deal with an imbalance of power is by calculated subterfuge, the authors aren't that straightforward. Instead, we get a lot of defensive, self-justifying assertions that "The Rules" are not, repeat NOT, conniving or vicious or bitterly cynical, that men WANT to be manipulated, that men have a "biological need" to pursue (why are people still using junk science to justify the worst aspects of human behavior?). They also urge the reader not to tell anybody -- friends, families, therapists -- about the book, as though it were a cult. This -- there's no other word for it but paranoia -- makes it clear that the authors know full well that their ideas can't withstand examination/discussion. If your positions are indefensible, why hold them? As a result of the doublespeak, mean-spiritedness, and desperation pervading every syllable, the book has a creepy, nightmarish, *toxic* vibe, like reading a crazy person's diary. It's hard to put out of your mind even when you want to. Relationships can be good, bad, or in-between, but reducing human interaction to a grim quest for prey won't improve matters. The authors tell the reader over and over that: 1) "The Rules" aren't REALLY manipulation, and 2) All right, they ARE really manipulation, but they work! It's too bad that they stopped short of 3) OK, they DON'T really work... but we ARE making a ton of money.
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Summary: A Must Read For Men!
Review: This book is actually an essential survival guide for the single man. After reading this expose, a man will know exactly what to look out for. Empowered with this knowledge he will successfully avoid the snake pit of female agenda. Use these rules in reverse and you will save yourself a lot of misery 1. Never talk to a woman first.
2. Never ask her to dance.
3. Always end the phone conversation first.
4. Always end the date first.
5. Dump a woman immediately if he she shows any signs of reading this book and putting these rules into practice. Fellow men, this is about preserving the dignity and essence of your very life. A must read for men!
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Summary: Old School Works...
Review: I've read The Rules over and over. Personally I think this book is a great guide for women in realationships... it's especially good to read this when you're in the beginnig stages of one. It has some interesting ideas ('rules') that people just too often forget because they get out-of-control-excited with new relationships. Keep these... they work!
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