Rating: 
Summary: Solutions would be nice.
Review: This book has a lot of value in terms of recognition: I was able to see myself, my family structures, and how the influence of narcissistic parents plays out in adult life. But I was unsettled by the sense that Golumb is still angry at her situation, and hasn't truly found a new way of looking at life. When I read a self-help or psychology book, I need a guide who is integrated, self-actualized. Witnessing someone else's struggle is not enough for me; I question what she has to offer. I finished the book wondering if there really was any hope for children of narcissistic parents. Of course the answer is Yes, but I couldn't tell from this book. It was interesting reading, and is well-written, but I'd advise checking it out at the library before buying.
Rating: 
Summary: helpful in the process
Review: i read this book on the suggestion of my therapist--immediately i started reading things that felt like someone had been peeking inside my head. As a tool in the healing process alongside conversations with the therapist and my own journal writing, this book led to many "ahah!" moments.
Rating: 
Summary: Not much on substance
Review: I found this book disappointing. It's mostly about the author's personal trials in dealing with her narcissistic father. This would have been fine, except that there's no useful lesson learned here. Most annoying was the change in tense from first person to third and back again all through the book. It was written in a very rambling style in which the reader must constantly stop and think, "ok, where are we now?" This book needed further editing.
Rating:
Summary: Disappointing...
Review: After seeing others' reviews I greatly looked forward to reading this book. But I found it not much more than the author's extended personal journal and catharsis. The stories from her own life and those of her friends and patients could have been useful if they were better edited and surrounded by insightful analysis. But instead, the stories go on and on - after a while I found myself skipping the long narratives to glean some useful information. It may be worth checking out of the library.
Rating:
Summary: Not strong in the problem-solving department
Review: I agree with the majority of reviewers who expressed satisfaction with the first part of Golumb's book. It does provide excellent illustrations of interactions between narcissists and their children and the destructive results thereof. My reading did not elicit the overwhelming sense of pessimism that many other reviewers expressed. Golumb treads on realistic grounds, as do other effective writers on this subject, asserting that change does not come easily and that it takes a great deal of determination and work on one's part. Some of the narratives are moving and effectively disturbing to the point of that stabbing gut-feeling of recognition. These passages evoke recognition, identification, and enlightenment in the reader who has had similar experiences and are sufficient reason to read the book. However, the "how to heal" chapters are repetitive and mostly self-absorbed. Although the author's personal contributions to the collected case histories lend credibility and the practical expertise that comes only with experience, she focuses solely on her attempts to regenerate her sense of self, especially with her bond with nature, meditation, and exploration of exotic culture. This is all very good and admirable; nevertheless, exotic travel, and guru-led meditation is not for everyone, particularly those who cannot afford such luxuries. Furthermore, she evinces a true prejudice against technology by blaming the internet for many addictions and personality disorders. Golumb lapses into occasional contradiction by closing almost every case history stating that the patient progressed "with therapy..." even if the patient made no progress at all. She does not say that therapy alone will heal a person, but she does imply that therapy is a necessity. It seems to me that Golumb may have some residual notions that one's choice to live alone is not a choice at all, but rather a negative introject that keeps an adult bound to its narcissistic parent. Similarly, she infers indirectly that homosexuality is determined by parenting. In particular, I was alerted by her indirect bias against lesbianism. She prefaces remarks with qualifiers to infer that gay life can be healthy, but seems to be married to the idea that a person cannot be happy without a stable, devoted heterosexual relationship. The three stars go only to the illustrative case histories, but this book has an unfinished quality that leaves the reader questioning the entire issue. I suggest that a good place to start is Dan Neuharth's If You Had Controlling Parents, then read Trapped In the Mirror for its accurate, comepelling narratives.
Rating:
Summary: Extremely enlightening
Review: Highly recommended if you're dealing with narcissistic parents. Makes you realize that so much of what goes on in these relationships has nothing to do with you and isn't your fault.
Rating:
Summary: Narcissistic Need and Entitlement Deprivation
Review: "Trapped in the Mirror" by Elan Golomb is a compelling and useful companion book to "Alcoholism, Narcissism, and Psychopathology" by Gary Forrest and to "The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern" by Nina W. Brown. Comparatively considered, I found the multi-faceted novella-like approach of the interwoven personality studies (and the frankness of the psychoanalytical interpretations) to be comprehensive and worthwhile for personal consideration and reflection. In an "All things considered" approach, this work reminds me of an effective application and affective illustration of Karen Horney's recommendations in her work on "Self-Analysis"; consequently, this book is very appropriate for "Do it your self" analytic types who want to nuetralize the personality disturbances of narcissistic and authoritarian parenting.
Rating: 
Summary: Finding real life and real love at last
Review: Children seek approval from their parents; adolescents, from their peers; adults, from themselves. In a healthy family, the parents facilitate this development, giving the child the generous love that makes it possible for her to grow beyond the neediness of the first stage. (Both sexes can occupy both positions, but for simplicity we'll assume that the parent is male, the child female.) A healthy parent recognizes his child as a separate person. He provides an environment where she can start creating an independent life that will represent her own spirit. His joy is to watch her become who she is. But generally a parent who has not received this kind of love in childhood does not have it to give. Instead of seeking to meet the child's needs, he seeks to make her meet his. In love with an idealized self-image of confidence and authority, he wants his child to justify or repeat his life--or the life he wishes he had lived. He acts to keep her in a childish state, seeking his approval. When she meets his wishes, he gives her exaggerated praise; when she doesn't, exaggerated criticism. But what drives his behavior is neither love nor malice, but fear--fear that his child, or he, or anyone, will discover that the Wizard of Oz is only the man behind the curtain. The child believes in the parent and cannot see his fear. Hoping to make him love her, she tends to act as if he were right (for he must above all be right), to live out his image of her--the idealized image of what he praises, the hated image of what he criticizes, or both. She often seeks mates who replicate aspects of his character--perpetuating both her misery and her false hope that he will one day love her as a separate person. Because she has internalized his impossible demands, her pursuit of his love can continue long after his death. As long as it stays unconscious, the cycle tends to repeat itself--each successive empty parent unable to accept his child's separate humanity, passing on to her the damage he has suffered. At varying degrees of severity, the dynamics of narcissism help to explain consequences that affect millions--ranging from low self-esteem, oversensitivity to criticism, and difficulty with authority figures to addiction, eating disorders, and confusion about who we are and what we want. To break the cycle, the child must realize that the love she hopes for from the narcissistic parent is not coming. (She can discover also that this is not his fault.) Giving up the old hope is painful--but once it is gone, adult life and adult love become possible. Through vivid case studies, including her own, Dr. Elan Golomb illuminates both the narcissist's compulsion and the child's struggle for liberation. She concludes with steps the children of narcissists can take to deal more effectively with their parents and emerge into lives of their own. Her brave and compassionate book enriches our view of others and of ourselves.
Rating:
Summary: The Victims of Stealth
Review: Pathological narcissism is a stealthy, pernicious and all-pervasive form of semipternal and venomous abuse. The narcissist is not necessarily as 'evil' person. He (for 75% of all narcissists are men) is simply oblivious to the long-term outcomes of his actions and inaction. He uses and discards, idealizes and devalues, derives narcissistic supply and then moves on. To be the child of a narcissist is a harrowing, devastating, incomprehensible experience. Golomb does an unparalleled job of mapping the territory of pain and rage that her childhood was - and by implication the childhood of victims of narcissists is. One of 5 books that are a must to anyone who wants to come to grips and demystify this disorder - Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'.
Rating:
Summary: Reality hits home!
Review: My therapist gave me this book to read, it opened my eyes to the suffering I have been trapped in without even knowing it. The author has several true stories including herself about the narcissistic up bringing that starts at home. I cried, not from saddness, but from identifing with the book and all it enclosed. I have several books and intend to ship them out to other people I know with the same "trapped" life. Defenetly a book worth reading.
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