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Summary: well written, not enough on dealing with super manipulators
Review: This is a well written and well thought out book on dealing with manipulative people. Most people are going to find this to be very helpful.I am looking for advise on dealing with a well practiced manipulator who lies and uses multiple techniques of control. This book simply did not give me enough information to deal with an extremely practiced manipulator. As another reviewer has said this book assumes your manipulator will listen when you try to talk to them calmly. And for the majority of manipulators these techniques will work. If you are dealing with a person who controls everything you do, every morsel you eat and and pretends you are a child so they have to make all your descisions to protect you, this book will not be much help.
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Summary: This book should be taught in school...
Review: This is definitely one of those books I wish I'd read years ago. Finally someone put my gut feelings into words. It's easy to know you are being manipulated by the ever-present ugly results. BUT being able to see through our own prejudices and preconceived fears to see exactly how we are being manipulated is extremely difficult. Dr. Forward does an amazing job of explaining this in clear, easy-to-read language. Best of all she shows how to to deactivate "hot buttons," get empowered and take back control of our lives. I'm seriously thinking of giving this one out as gifts!
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Summary: Excellent!
Review: To be honest I'm only halfway through this book, but that's enough to know that it was certainly money well spent. I believe this book really could change your life. My suspicions were correct; I was being emotionally abused almost every day by my ex partner. The author offers some amazing insight that makes perfect sense. It identifies the 'four faces of emotional blackmail', which you will recognise instantly. I truly believe this is required reading for everyone, because we are all potential victims, if we aren't already. Wonderfully down-to-earth, well researched; can't recommend it enough.
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Summary: Validation for emotional abuse victims at last!
Review: Victims of emotional and verbal abuse will find validation AND understanding in this excellent text on the legacy of hurt and shame left by master manipulators of the emotions. Good advice for victims AND their abusers who truly want to change.
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Summary: We are not victims
Review: We are not victims of manipulation. We allow manipulation to happen to us and with careful observation we can neutralize it. This is what Susan Forward believes. I don't know if I agree because I haven't yet had a chance to practice her techniques in earnest, but I needed to comment on the content itself of the book, "Emotional Blackmail". It is impossible for an author to address every specific detail of every reader's personal situation. But this is as close as you can get. Forward gives stories and testimonials of people she has worked with who have used her techniques with success. Unlike other authors that do this, however, Forward does not simply apply the techniques to those situations and expect that you'll be able to apply it to a scenario of your own. She separates the stories from the guidelines. She provides some fantastic exercises for further clarity of the techniques she describes. One of the techniques I especially enjoyed reading about was "buying your time". Don't respond immediately to your blackmailer. Give them time to "stew". In other words, try to avoid snap decisions when dealing with blackmailers. She groups manipulators into different categories. "Tantalizers" are the group I deal with most often. They are the ones who get you to do what they want by making it appear there is something incredible in it for you. This may sometimes be the case, but it's important to realize that your needs are not the manipulator's true motivation. Forward explains and clarifies this beautifully. This is a very well-written book and I recommend it highly.
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Summary: Quit being a victim!
Review: We've all done it -- gotten pressured into situations which compromise our value systems, given in to the unreasonable demands of bosses, spouses, friends or relatives. This book will show you how it happens, and more importantly, how to stop giving in. From her clinical experience, Forward shows us plenty of situations of what she has come to call "emotional blackmail" and many of these will probably mirror your own experience or that of someone close to you. Many times reading this book, I found myself shaking my head, trying to get rid of that nagging feeling that "I knew these people." My only criticism of this book is that with few exceptions, blackmailers are described as such, and they can come across sounding like monsters. Forward spends a little time exploring their motivations and insecurities, and she does point out that often we can turn into blackmailers ourselves, but perhaps not enough. By and large, she speaks only to "blackmailees," and this book certainly makes them feel good about themselves, perhaps at the cost of dehumanizing the blackmailer. As long as you can keep in mind, though, that this book aims to build constructive dialogue and not to destroy your connection with the blackmailers in your life, it is a most valuable tool to reasserting your own needs in any relationship.
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Summary: Is Turn About Fair Play?
Review: While emotional blackmail within family relationships or among small groups of workers can be quite destructive, there are any number of business groups who typically use such tactics as an "ordinary course of business" in their trade. The domain has for the most part been used by enterprising men in search of the ever popular "competitive niche," it has rarely been used by women - often because women are thought to be, and usually are, more "nurturing" types. Conceivably, however, it may be possible to view even from a woman's perspective the need to equalize the tables especially in circumstances where women, children or the elderly, or the poor, a.k.a., the most vulnerable are put at risk by unthinking or negligent persons in most firms where they are comfortable walking the tightropes of humanitarian principles. While this book may be geared to universal practices characteristic in any emotional blackmail circumstance, it is useful to examine it also for the opportunities which may be found therein to adjust the scales - in personal or in professional environments.
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