Rating: 
Summary: Thank You, I'm not Crazy!
Review: What an answer to prayer!
A book that explains exactly what happens, the exact feelings I had, the craziness and confusion I felt. It confirmed that I was not the only one and it was not in my head. The reality " it only happened when no one else was around" is so true.Every time it was stated I seemed to gain courage.
It gives catagories for each type of verbal abuse. That in itself helps to clear ones mind. For me, my mind was full of confusing issues that were very hard to explain to someone else. This book helped me to put labels on his behavior. Now I could put things into catagories and clear my mind; I was able to think more clearly.
A little more that half way through the book, my self esteem went soaring upward. Since reading this book, I've been able to set boundries and keep them for the first time.
This book has turned my life around and true healing has come about. I'm so impressed with this book, I bought several more copies so I can give them to others to read.
Thank You so Much!
Rating: 
Summary: Man-Hater
Review: This book seems to be written by a woman with a chip on her shoulder after talking to 40 other women. From the opening premise that most verbal abuse comes from men, the tone was clear. Further, her premise leaves one to conclude that if accused one must be guilty. Since in the authors view verbal abusers typical deny it, and avoidance of discussion is verbal abuse, one is guilty whether one disagrees, doesn't discuss the topic, or agrees. The author describes male communication patterns of sharing information as abuse versus female patterns of sharing emotions as healthy. There is no recognition of legitimate gender differences which have been recognized and celebrated by so many other authors. While there is a willing audience out there to eat up this drivel, it seems to be the makings for the next Jerry Springer show.
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Summary: this book is dangerous. be warned.
Review: I have decided to ammend my review of this book after several re-reads and one rather horrible experience on the Evans message board.The good stuff: If you ever wanted to know what verbal abuse is, the effects of it, the mindset of the abuser as well as the victim, this book is an incredible resource. All the categories of verbal abuse are covered exstensively, and Ms. Evans provides good descriptions for each one. Terrific in this aspect. The bad stuff: Ms. Evans makes the huge mistake of presenting verbal abuse as a gender issue. It is not. It is an individual/individual issue. She sheepishly admits in the introduction that women can be abusers, then never touches that subject again. It's all male-bashing after that. Her constant "HE abuses/SHE hurts" style of writing becomes infuriating after the first chapter. At times I wished the book could be reprinted using the terms 'abuser' and 'victim' rather than always assuming the man is the abuser. I suspect there is a strong misandrous agenda in her writing, and is only contributing to the problems dividing men and women.
She also has very little sound advice as to what to do about the abuse, other than scream "Stop it NOW!". She never bothers to simply say, "Get AWAY from them!" I do not at all discount the fact that there are plenty of women out there who have been verbally abused by men. Yes, it happens, and they could surely benefit from this book in regards to learning exactly what abuse is. But alot of people who have read this book fall into a psychological abyss where they meticulously over-analyze every sentence uttered to them for signs of "abuse", which does nothing other than perpetuate their victimhood. I am a male survivor of verbal/emotional abuse...It took me some time to realize that I was being abused, quite simply because I had previously bought into the myth that Ms. Evans is trying to perpetuate in this book, i.e., that only men are abusers. Nothing could be further from the truth, and I dare the author to re-publish this book in a gender-neutral format... One really disturbing tangent in this book is Ms. Evans description of how *all* men approach relationships. She claims that once a man knows he has a woman "won over", he will automatically feel entitled to abuse her. This is an absolutely inflammatory falsehood...According to Ms. Evans, women are 99%incapable of such behavior, and nothing could be further from the truth. It happened to me, first-hand. If a man did to a woman what my Ex did to me, he would be in prison. Last, but far from least, is the appalling sexism and gender bigotry inherent in this book. And it is sexism on a very large scale. There is of course the oft-quoted (and almost laughable) line, "Verbal abuse is part of a larger problem called patriarchy." But in addition to this, she talks of uniting the "nurturing, feminine forces" against men. She claims that there have not been more across-the-board domestic violence laws simply because they would protect women, which proves a very skewed view of history. Ms. Evans has no credentials in psychology, and her uninformed view of things, as well as her refusal to consider personality disorders and childhood dysfunction as playing a part in the abusive personality only goes to show her whole theory is fundamentally flawed. In summation, what we have here in this book is a very good description of how to hone the fine art of victimhood, and as long as Ms. Evans's readers remain victims (and as long as her readers continue to blindly worship her), she can continue to put out sexist garbage like this.
Rating:
Summary: Not Just For Woman
Review: As a concerned male, I purchased this book for a close female friend. There exists evidence that she suffers from verbal and psychological abuse, covertly administered by her partner. Observing that she appeared oblivious, to the obvious, my intent was to assist her in determining her truth, and how she may respond in a precise manner. How eloquent, forthwith, insightful and educating are Patricia Evan's words. She has presented a comprehensive guide to assist in the recognition of abuse, and steps for healing. An extremely usefull tool for survivors and secondary victims, 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' is a must read. The book seems to have been written primarilly for the female survivor in mind yet, as a male survivor of abuse, I found it enlightening. Also, Ms. Evans clear definitions and examples of what constitutes abuse, made me reflect upon subtle, abusive acts I may have been guilty of in the past. I have always considered myself to be a kind and caring type man. I try to be a nurturer, a loving soul...giving..yet, there within the pages of this book, I discovered a side of myself which was displeasing. The more I read, the more I found characteristics within 'me' that required focus and change. Patricia's words enabled me to reflect upon experiences in my life where I was less than nuturing or kind. My actions had been subtle--covert in nature, for the most part. The learning has enabled me to recognize, observe and make needed adjustments to my own psyche in order to reach my full potential as a truly compassionate male. I am so thankful to have discovered this important book. It is a book for 'men' as well--men who suspect the woman in their lives may be in need of a change. Men who wish to be part of the cure instead of the problem.
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Summary: A true understanding
Review: This book has saved my soul! I married a verbally abusive man 10 months ago. I was to the end of my rope and my feelings were constantly denied by him. It describes his behavior exactly and validates my thoughts and feelings. It is a true understanding friend. A must for anyone in an abusive relationship. Trust me you are not crazy,overly sensitive and you do have a sense of humor. Learn to stand up for yourself and what and why this is happening to you!!
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Summary: Men face verbal abuse too
Review: I grew up with a raging narcissistic and verbally abusive father. At 23, I married the same type of woman. At 42 I was in a relationship with the same type of woman again. Being very analytical, I tried to understand why I could not make it work and thought it was my fault. After a few years of group therapy I still did not have the answers. Then, I read this book! WOW! Even though it was written from a womans perspective about how they are abused by men, it clearly explained the feelings and motivations associated with verbal abuse. Finally after years, I was able to walk away knowing she was the verbal abuser, not me. When you know how, and for what reasons, a person is verbal abusive, you can then identify that type of person and easily avoid them. This book was so helpful to me that I bought a number of them and gave them to people I thought might have a similar problem. This book is a lifesaver. Thank you Patricia Evans, your insite into the verbal abuser is incredible. Buy the book and set yourself free! I did.
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Summary: When It Can't Be Love
Review: Women are programmed to give love.....to those who show themselves cognizant of, and appreciative of, the love they offer. Unfortunately, verbal abuse is so common among male spouses that it is all but impossible to sustain those feelings over the long term after they finally give up trying to defend such poor treatment. Children in such an atmosphere feel the tension as well. It is rarely limited only to normal spousal heterosexual relationships however since it occurs whenever one person uses the mechanics of intimidation and dominance to control the communication in relationships. Throwing up the hands and giving into the fact that it feels useless is a frequent outcome. Hence, the book is extremely important to everyone to properly focus upon the incidence of, and the corrective fixes, if any, to insulate oneself from this damaging and harmful result to self esteem. Highly recommended for those who wonder why they cannot continue to feel affection toward their abuser without impairing their own self esteem along with it. If you're not quite sure, this should help you decide how bad the situation really is, if not the reasons for it.
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Summary: He never swore...
Review: I am 49 years old and grew up in a household with a verbally abusive father. It was not until several weeks ago, while reading Patricia Evan's book that I could put a name to this man's behavior. My mother has been married to him for 63 years and has tried everything to please him, but as the book points out, she will never be able to accomplish this feat. I used to think that it was just him. Unfortunately, when I married, my husband began the same nonsense. The good news is that my husband is no longer verbally abusive because we broke the cycle. I only pray that my mother could have protected us and herself as it has affected her deeply and hurt her children - five of us - more than words can write.
Rating: 
Summary: Opened my eyes
Review: I was in a verbally abusive relationship for only 7 months. Mom thought since I liked to read so much,that I should read books on these types of relationships. Well yesterday I went shopping and picked out this book. When reading this book,I have found that alot of those mind games he played on me was abuse. I was so relieved when I found out that,I do not have to take that from anyone. This book opened up a new door for me. However I wished she would have put in there how the abusers can get help.
Rating:
Summary: Above the fog into a new reality
Review: My world has been in complete chaos for 15 years; even though, I had come to realize my husband considered me the enemy, I was unaware I could not get him to admit or come to realize I was not this horrible intruder in his life. Our situation has escalated into physical, but I believed in time he would realize my love for him--the person he is in front of others, and he would become this man everyone else sees and loves in our home. We have four children and have been married for 15 years, and I finally called 911 in May of 2000. His family manipulated income we had to protect his interest and made leaving with the children a financial nightmare--in farming you often work for your inheritance and home. I thought, I could convince them by standing by my man to finally accept me, but there is nothing I can do. They need a scapegoat, and I am the outsider. My husband now drives truck long haul and loves his freedom and I am expected to do everything from run the farm, home and four children alone and still be a loving wife when he returns for conjugal visits. My in-laws would never expect this from their son or daughter. I have never broke a vow, but there are no more unbroken promices left in our marriage from him, yet I remained loyal thinking he would grow to appreciate me; after all, when I have had enough he would proclaim his love and promise to get the help or take the court ordered medicine he needs. I have seen him three times since I read this book and cannot believe how relieved I am to know there in nothing I can do or say to calm his guilt riddled rage as he beckons for a fight, and I have not fell into an argument since. Before this book my writing and dreams were all the relief I had, now, I have peace of mind something no amount of money can buy. I was diagnosed with Fibro Myalgia and the stress this relationship incurred tore me apart. If this book did not save my life, it saved my sanity and gave my children back their mother. I was beginning to think I deserved all this heartache somehow and could not figure out what I did to make him so angry when he is so wonderful to everyone else. He has never been mad at anyone other than the children or myself, and he always blamed me, and his denial was an academy award winning performance. I wondered why I caused him to hurt his own children--emotionally and sometimes physically--when all they wanted was a kind father. I have not considered myself really married for a long time--I am part of the unmarried because we have never had mutuality or true intimacy. I have released the dream of unity in my marriage, and I like myself again--I am worthy of love and friendship once more. Verbal abuse affects every aspect of our being, when someone limits us from being all we are the whole world suffers. If this was taught in school along with self-confidence, we could change our world and how we respond to it. I recommend this book for every woman even those in non-abusive relationships because I was like many--I thought if I loved enough or gave enough my husband would return the favor and we could develop the kind of intimacy a marriage needs, but I now realize, thanks to this book, it is not possible for one to make a marriage, but it is possible for one to destroy it.
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