Rating: 
Summary: This is a posting from a previous review.
Review: The following is a quote from a previous review, which closely reflects my feeling of this book."This is an important subject and many people need help and guidance in changing abusive relationships. However, the book has some serious flaws. While the author describes verbally abusive relationships quite well, she is so intent on helping the victim feel supported that she encourages them to feel that the problem in the relationship is all the fault of the other party. She doesn't consider the possibility that both partners are verbally abusive to each other, (Which in my experience as a psychotherapist is frequently the case). She does not look closely at provoking behaviors of the victim. She also approaches the problem from a rather extreme feminist perspective. She states that verbal abuse is almost always directed at women by men. She states that verbal abuse is part of a larger problem called patriarchy. Since every known culture could be described as patriarchal, we might expect we have to join a crusade to change the world to solve the problem, although the author does present some practical solutions. She is overly political in trying to line up the patriarchal, abusive, male, hierarchical, and yes even environmentally polluting forces against the mutual, loving, supportive, feminine forces. She is rather grandiose in claiming that this is the first book on the subject of verbal abuse and in multiplying her number of subjects (40) by the average length of their relationship (16 years ) and then claiming that the book represents 640 years of experience. This is silly. The data here is strictly anecdotal with no apparent effort at preventing bias. While the book will offer much needed support to verbally abused women, it will also, I am afraid encourage them to blame their partner for all problems in the relationship and not become more introspective. The book will turn off non-feminists as well as the partners of the women who are its audience. The book also exaggerates the cause and effect relationship between verbal abuse (very broadly defined here) and physical abuse."
(end quote) I might add that Patricia generalizes to the point that it appears, that if you have ever had a relationship or are in a relationship with someone then you are guilty of "abuse". Example; if you, have shown any kind of emotion, anger, frustration, sadness or even NOT shown emotion toward another person (woman) you are an "abuser". I am sorry but "abuse" is a very strong word and should not be used so freely. To sum up this book; (as a man) After reading it, I felt like I had just been abused.
Rating: 
Summary: Excellent help for someone who is verbally abused.
Review: This book helps you recognize verbal abuse and STOP being a victim of it. Most victims of verbal abuse unwittingly perpetuate their suffering by not standing up for themselves. Learn how to end the vicious cycle by using the techniques described here.
Rating: 
Summary: This book helped me and I'm a man.
Review: I am a man who has suffered from severe verbal/emotional abuse and I found this book very comprehensive and helpful. I grew up in an abusive family and never recognised the subtle forms of abuse like discounting,and countering and using rage. I only knew I felt depressed and my self esteem was plumeting. This book helped me learn what I needed to recognise to defend myself against verbal abusers. Thank you Patricia Evans.
Rating:
Summary: This book showed me a light at the end of a tunnel.
Review: This book was a great help to me, I was in an abusive relationship filled with hate and emotional blackmail. When my husband turned about 30 he changed dramatically into someone I wanted to avoid at all costs. I tried so hard to be what he wanted me to be, and I stayed always thinking that things would get better, but they didn't. At the time I had a 4 year old and was a stay at home mom. The only way to describe the pain is to say that my soul died with the harsh words. My son is the only sunshine that kept me going day to day. Now a year later, I'm on my own, with a good full time job, and will be closing on my own home in a few weeks, with a patched up soul. My message to anyone here is please read this book, no one needs to be screamed at. No one should have to endure the pain of the hurtful words that a spouse throws out. We are all special, and in a marriage should encourage our spouse and not degrade. YOU ARE SPECIAL.
Rating:
Summary: If you're at this page, you should buy this book at once.
Review: Several weeks ago, I was where you are. Reading these reviews and wondering, do I really need to buy another book on relationships? If you're wondering that, the answer is BUY THIS BOOK. This book saved my life. I was desperately unhappy in my marriage for many, many years, but never divorced for religious reasons. Randomly, unexpectedly, my husband would "lose his temper" and go nuts. I took the brunt of his yelling and the kids and pets ran for cover. For so many years, I thought I was the only woman in the world with this problem. Recently, when my mom passed on, my depression was profound. During this same time, my husband's "rages" became much more severe. I didn't know what to do. The one person who could help me was dead and the one person who promised to love me forever was making my life a living hell. These problems overwhelmed my personal resources and my coping abilities. I considered suicide, as I felt that was my only way out. Reading this book, revealed the core, elementary problem - his verbal abuse. All my married life, I'd read one marriage book after another and attended (countless) marital counseling sessions. Nothing helped. This book validated everything my heart had always known - that my marriage was "wrong" and this book gave me back some peace of mind. I was not crazy. I was not "enjoying being depressed," as one person said. This book gave me peace (harmony) and strength (power). You can't have one without the other. My husband began to examine himself, instead of blaming me. He accepted personal responsibility and asked me for a divorce. Initially (like most abused women) I was petrified at the thought of living alone. Several months later (now), the loneliness is still challenging, but I thank God every day that we're divorced. Every day. If you find yourself wondering if all marriages are like yours or if you wonder why you can't communicate with your spouse, or if you've never been able to "settle" an argument - to feel peace after a disagreement, this book is for you. If your husband "loses his temper" and then blames you, "if only you didn't..." then get this book TODAY. If you came from a dysfunctional family and never saw a positive example of a marriage, you need to buy Patricia Evan's book. It changed my life. Now, when I awaken each morning, I hear the birds singing and see the sunrise and I remember, "Yes, life *is* good." I remember how it feels to be happy and better yet, the happiness I felt so many years ago is coming alive again. To the men who say this book is "anti-man," I say this: You're wrong. 95% of domestic violence is man against woman. And another choice tidbit: 90% of the women who are in jail for homicide are there because they killed their batterer, their abuser. To the women: Verbal abuse comes in many different forms. It can be subtle ("honey, that's not the way it happened. Your memory really is going, isn't it?") or overt (you're impossible to live with. You ought to be glad I married you because no one else could stand you!") I could write for days, but in conclusion, I recommend that every woman in the world buy this book. 50% of all women will experience physical violence from a partner in their life. Who knows what the stats are for emotional and verbal abuse. ...
Rating: 
Summary: Unhealthy, divisive
Review: First the good:
1: The book gives empathy and an understanding for those who are on the receiving end of verbal abuse.
2: The book provides validation for those who are weary from such abuse.
The bad:
If you want to hear some one tell you that nothing is your fault and the other person is the anti-Christ, this book is for you. If you are willing to accept personal responsibility, and experience healing and maturity, I recommend "When Anger Hurts" By Matthew McKay (Don't let the title fool you, it covers relationships and communication, verbal abuse and so much more). The book is decidedly ant-male: The author states that verbal abuse is universally a male against female issue. Anti-male sentiments like that are likely to cause more unhappiness in your life. The author wrote this after counseling over 40 women but not talking to their partners. I have listened to many men and women who had broken up and in every case, the person I listened to claimed to be the "good guy" and that their ex was a horrible person.
I found no mention of personal responsibility, or encouragement to work on the relationship.
What I did find was the same stuff that is condemned in most other books on the subject (even this one): i.e. mind reading, labeling, universal statements (the abuser always, never...).
This book is an accessory to the disposable marriage. You will notice that in the acknowledgments the author thanks her children but no mention of a husband.
The book is well known in counseling circles because it is the most definitive work describing the experience of the verbally abused and the many facets of that kind of abuse. Unfortunately it promotes the victim mentality more than anything else I have read.
Beware: anger begets anger.
A more complete approach includes personal responsibility, self-confidence, a great self worth, setting boundaries, a positive attitude, and understanding of others.
Keep looking, there are better books out there.
Rating:
Summary: VALIDATION
Review: My heart was dying when I finally gathered enough courage to say good bye to my boyfriend of four years. I was running on empty and breathing my last breath (or so it felt). My heart was truly dying I am still trying to bring it back to life and it has been 9 months! This book gave me the validation that no one else could,surely not him. It clarified exactly how I was being abused. It put into words what I couldn't. I think one of the most important things I learned from this book...Listen to your heart when it talks. If you think you are being abused read this book.
Rating:
Summary: Buy This Book!!
Review: This book changed my life. After nine years in a relationship that had become more and more confusing and depressing to me, this book was recommended by a psychologist. I recognized my life immediately, and was able to piece together all of the kinds of verbal abuse that so confused me. After reading it, all I could think was, aha -- the jig is up! I now understood my husband's actions for what they were -- different forms of verbal abuse. The book gives good advice on how to deal with this huge problem. Most importantly, it gave me the knowledge that I was not imagining things, and that I was not causing the behavior. That made me realize that I could do very well without this relationship, and that changed the dynamics of my marriage. My husband agreed to read the book (which he's having a hard time with -- it stings) and get counseling for what we now know is HIS problem. If it works, I'll be happy. But I also know that if it doesn't, I can leave him and be happy then. I am strong again.
Rating:
Summary: I Can Breathe Again !!
Review: Evans book is a breath of fresh air....
instead of feeling that someone is standing on my chest, towering over me, sucking the fresh air out of my lungs, I am now informed and empowered.
Evans gives the abused permission to be real, to recognize abuse for what it is, and to walk around this earth with a chin held high. "It's" not our fault!
There is now a softer place in my heart for my husband, knowing what "compels" him to control. There's also resolve in my soul -- NOT to take it!
Rating:
Summary: Patricia Evans is a quack!
Review: This book is the most biased thing on the planet! Mrs. Evans, in this book, all she talks about is hating men! That is the most UNHELPFUL attitude on the planet! I agreed with another reviewer that said that all the book does is teach how to hate, and than escalate it. Another reason why I hated this book is the one-sidedness-there is NOTHING negative about a female in this book, when they can do it just as much as a male could! Mrs. Evans should do something constructive with her life, like open a Abused Women's Clinic instead of writing this trash.
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