The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

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Summary: very easy to use,no one should be without it
Review: As I looked at the list of 16 or so possible characteristics of an abusive mate and realized mine had all but one , I was amazed, and then I read that meeting less than half were needed to identify an abuser. Every comment in this book is right on. It was if she was describing my marriage conversations. Everyone should read this so they can spot this behavior and follow her steps to stop it before its too late...She shows you how to not let the abuser blame another for his problems. In fact as I read her book, I realized I had picked up some of his techniques and was verbally abusive in some of my conversations. It was an eye opener to me to be more sensitive to how I talk to others and sense when I was negating another...This book is proactive and shows you how to stop the abuse and be in control of self. Makes sure you are responsible for your actions and the abuser is responsible for his. She wants to break the cycle of the abused feeling responsible for ALL that goes wrong in a relationship, and only be responsible for self as adult.

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Summary: This book, saved my life
Review: I was in a verbally abusive relationship for two years and although I did not realize it, others did. I always felt I was to blame for all our problems and my self-esteem was completely dead. It wasn't until I went to counseling and read this book that I was able to see and understand what I have been going through. This book is totaly about myself and my ex-boyrfriend. His exact words and my exact feelings and thoughts were on every page of this book. I recommend this book to anyone who lives in fear of upsetting their mate. I can't say enough about this book. If your not sure if you are being verbally abused, this book will clear up any questions you may have. It has also helped me in all my realtionships with friends and family. A must for the abused partner.

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Summary: ONE WORD-EXCELLENT!
Review: My therapist recommended this book to me months before I actually got it to read. I could relate to many of the situations Patricia Evans wrote about. A must-read for any one verbally abused. You don't have to put up with it!

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Summary: Excellent Resource for a Cultural Problem
Review: I was raised in a very supporting and non-abusive environment, and did not recognize that I was caught in a verbally abusive relationship until I sought professional help for my severe depression. Many thanks to Patricia Evans for an excellent introduction to a largely ignored problem in our culture. It also helped me to recognize that the part I played as a victim helped polarize this relationship and added fuel to my depression. After a lot of personal work, I can thankfully say that I now have a completely different outlook on relationships and what contributes to a healthy one. To others struggling with similar problems, I encourage you to read this book and many others in your efforts to live a happier, healthier life. There is no substitute for education and the guidance of others with far more experience in successful relationships...(both business and personal) and the difficult, but incredibly rewarding personal work it takes to overcome the problems we all fear to face.

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Summary: Outrageously Healing-The Best Answers to Dark Issues
Review: After 23 yrs of marriage and numerous counseling to find help, no one touched the real closed doors issues I faced as a VICTIM. Upholding the sanctity of marriage and a "Till death do us Part" mentality, I endured believing the failures in our marriage were a "me" issue b/c I was always told that. Though written from a woman's perspective, I absolutely recommend this book to Men who feel trapped and continually attacked on every issue. It's not you!!! After all these years I found a woman(Patricia Evans) who understood my LIVING HELL. Thank you very much for your help.

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Summary: One of the best books I have read.

Review: Although I knew I was in a verbally abusive relationship, this book help me to articulate the words to describe what is clearly abuse.
This book is one of the most powerful books I have ever read and one I fully connected too.
I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who wonders if their relationship is abusive.
Simple, easy to read and understand.
A must for women in abusive relationships.


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Summary: An important topic, diminished by the books flaws.
Review: This is an important subject and many people need help and guidence in changing abusive relationships. However, the book has some serious flaws.While the author describes verbally abusive relationships quite well, she is so intent on helping the victim feel supported that she encourages them to feel that the problem in the relationship is all the fault of the other party.She doesn't consider the possibility that both partners are verbally abusive to each other (Which in my experience as a psychotheraapist is frequently the case). She does not look closely at provoking behaviors of the victim. She also approaches the problem from a rather extreme feminist perspective. She states that verbal abuse is almost always directed at women by men. She states that verbal abuse is part of a larger problem called patriarchy.Since every known culture could be described as patriarcial, we might expect we have to join a crusade to change the world to solve the problem, although the author does present some practical solutions.She is overly political in trying to line up the patriarcal, abusive, male, heirarcical, and yes even enviornmentally poluting forces against the mutual, loving, supportive, feminine forces.She is rather grandiose in claiming that this is the first book on the subject of verbal abuse and in multiplying her number of subjects (40) by the average length of their relationship (16 years ) and then claiming that the book represents 640 years of experience.This is silly. The data here is strictly anecdotal with no apparent effort at preventing bias.While the book will offer much needed support to verbally abused women ,it wil also , I am affraid encourage them to blame their partner for all problems in the relationship and not become more introspective.The book will turn off non feminists as well as the partners of the women who are its audience. The book also exaggerates the cause and effect relationship between verbal abuse (very broadly defined here) and physical abuse.

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Summary: This Book Changed My Life
Review: Thank you Patricia Evans. I had been raised in an atmosphere of verbal abuse and felt comfortable only with men who were verbally and/or physically abusive. After reading this book I understand my pain, confusion and the long term effects of verbal abuse. I used this book as my "bible" to help me leave a nine year abusive relationship and then I used the book to turn my life around. What a lifesaver...buy this book...you won't regret it.

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Summary: This book saved my sanity
Review: I was in a relationship for 3 years that during the entire time, I was confused as to why I felt the way I did even though 'he' never did anything and I was 'just imagining things'. Well, my friends gave me this book and I was stunned. I thought verbal abuse was very obvious to the victim--like yelling or sarcastic remarks. Well it's not and unfortunately I experienced all forms of it in my relationship. It can be subtle abuse or outright. It can make you feel like you're insane. Normal conversation can erupt into the verbal abuser accusing you of meaning something you never meant, then he denies ever getting mad, you repeat what he first said and he denies ever saying and says you're just picking a fight, etc. If this has ever happened then read this book--it will save your sanity. I cannot begin to describe how helpful this book has been. Verbal abuse comes in many forms--and the abuser will always deny they did anything wrong and will blame you for everything. Don't be conned anymore by the abuser into putting up with their abuse because 'it's your problem and you need to work on yourself'. It's not true--they have the big problem, you need to recognize it, protect yourself, and if it's bad enough leave the relationship. There is an entire chapter on how to respond to the different forms of abuse. So if it's your mother you can finally stand up without giving in to the guilt. I have recommended this book to many, many people. I wish I had read this years ago so I would have never put up with what I did. If you can recognize it, you can stay away from it. This will expain what is going on with them--finally someone who explains what is happening! I think this should be required reading in highschool so everyone can stay clear from these people. Get it! Now

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Summary: Anyone abused should read this book.
Review: I was raised by a verbally abusive mother who made my life miserable with the constant uncertainty about what would set off a screaming fit or result in a deluge of anger. I never really understood what was going on until I read this book. It helped me greatly to see that I was being victimized. Now that I have read this book (the earlier edition) I know what to do to protect myself. And, I know to divorce myself from too close a relationship with this person who cannot be trusted. My only criticism is that the book assumes that abuse flows from husband to wife and ignores the plight of children who are the easiest and most helpless victims. I was abused as a child and so too was my best friend. (His father is still at it even though my friend is hospitalized recovering from an auto accident.)